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February 19th, 2012 11:30 PM #1
How did you know you were ready??
How did you know you were ready to have kids?
I used to think I would be ready this year, at age 23 when I was younger, but we don't plan to TTC for another 3/4 years now. And even then, I'm worried that I'll never be, well, selfless enough to give my life pretty much entirely to a little human being. How will I know when I am ready? Did you just know it was the right time? Mostly just wondering maturity wise and emotionally. But anything you can say may help!
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February 20th, 2012 09:50 AM #3
Well, I wasn't going to respond because I haven't had a baby yet, but no one else is replying so I will.
I'm ready for a baby now. I know it because I feel it inside myself. Sometimes, when I think about how I want one but can't have one just yet, this horrible aching feeling starts up in the bottom of my belly and just sits there and hurts. Makes me cry sometimes. When I don't feel that, like on a good day when i'm excited about the future rather than sad I have to wait for it, I feel this drive to look at names, start planning the birth and what i'm going to do afterward. Like when you get started on a project you have really been wanting to do and you feel this pressure sort of to just keep going and going until you finish that project.
That's how I knew I was ready. I'm sure it's different for everyone though, but I always feel my emotions very physically. Hope that helps a bit.Mother, Hellenic Pagan Priestess, and Resident Greek name expert ^_^ Call me Dantea or Remy
http://covertocoverediting.webs.com/ -- Editing services available for cheap.
Proud Mama to:
Persephone Elysia Willow -- June 5th 2013
TTC #2 by Christmas 2014
February 20th, 2012 10:08 AM #5
For me, it was a feeling. An overwhelming, all-consuming longing. And dantea is right, it hurts. When you're ready, you'll know. I was 20 when we got pregnant. We had only been married for six months (and only trying for like, a day), but we both just knew. I think age and maturity are separate things, but maturity itself isn't enough. When you become pregnant, you change. You start to think differently. Your priorities shift when you become a parent. I've always been pretty selfish, and that hasn't changed much since becoming a parent. It still need time to myself. I still need to hang out with friends, spend time alone with my husband, buy things for myself. But the love for my daughter has over-shadowed it all. I love her more than myself. Don't get me wrong, I still love myself and need times to be a little selfish, but that's just so I'll stay sane. I wouldn't be a very good parent if I didn't take care of myself.
Again, you'll just know when you're ready. And you'll change when you become a parent. But don't neglect your own needs and wants. My daughter deserves me at my best. And my best is when I'm happy. And when I'm happy is sometimes when I'm being a little selfish.My girls: Grace Patricia "Gracie Pat" & Eloise Martha "Elsie Mae"
If we had a baby today: Moira Jane OR Desmond Walter
Guys: Julian, Amos, Tobias, August, Silas, Peter
Dolls: Iris, Marian, Hazel, Flora, Margo, Agnes
February 20th, 2012 10:16 AM #7
I do not have children, but I am ready. I never thought I would want children, and I really hated the patronizing comments I would receive: "Oh, you will one day." "Just give it time!" While that came to be true for me, it's not true for everyone and there is nothing wrong with wanting to be ready before raising a human being(Or realizing you may never be ready)! It was a combination of factors for me, but the main one being I met the right partner who I could see having children with. I could picture the baby stage- but also the terrible twos, the teenage years, and the thought of having adult children. It just started to make sense.
As long as you don't listen to society or feel like you should be on the same track as women your age, I think you'll know when it's time, or not.
I'd love to hear from moms out there though!
February 20th, 2012 02:09 PM #9
My husband and I met when we were 26 yrs old. For a while prior to this (a couple of yrs, maybe) I would feel the longing/jealousy in the pit of my stomach when I saw other women with their children. I think that for me, it was because I didn't know when I was going to become a mom, and I wanted it so badly! After my hubby and I started dating, we quickly knew that this was 'it', and my longing for motherhood wasn't as strong, because I knew that in time, it would come. After we were married, we tried to focus on saving some money, and ensuring that we would be able to afford all the 'gear' that a baby needs. Once we were one track, we talked about it for a while...were we ready to cut back on our wants, in order to take care of a baby? Were we ready for our lives to change forever? Etc! We decided after we'd been married about 6 months to give it a shot. But keep in mind, though, that at this point, we were 28yrs old, and 29 when our daughter was born. We are now expecting our second baby.
As the others have said, you will know when it's right for you. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to sacrifice all of your 'previous' life to become a parent. ...You still have to enjoy your life, and figure out how your child will fit in with your family and the life you want. Give yourselves the time to feel ready and comfortable with the changes that a baby will bring.