Name stealing

[newfootprints]

Me and hubby have names picked and we haven't shared with anyone lol I like unique names so I'd rather wait and have it as a surprise when baby is born, I expect a certain amount of criticism from traditional name lovers in the family and feel I'll win them over easier once baby is born rather than before.

SIL also had a baby (rather unexpectedly) last year and put out quite a few name ideas! I don't mind that as none of the ideas were ones we had a our hearts set on but there was one (which they used!!) that we were considering. I now feel that no one in the family could use any of their short list of top contenders since they told everyone about them so people would now think we'd stolen them from her! So I'm keeping mine to myself, although I highly doubt anyone would use our names anyway, but I'd rather not tempt fate.

[rollo]

I don't get what you are worried about I don't think that there is such a thing as 'name stealing'. In our family there are sisters who have sons with the same name. I don't have a problem with that at all.

Give the baby the name you love and if a special person in your life or even a distant one has the same name it can only be a problem if the adults allow it to be.

rollo

[saraallison]

@east93: Oh, I was. And hurt. I felt like SIL could have at least had the decency to say something to me herself. It would have changed things for me had she said, "Hey, I know this was your name, but I love it it too, and would really love your blessing to use it on our DD." But that's not how she operates. She never even acknowledged what she had done, though we all knew she knew. The crazy thing is, if I had done this to her, she would have spread all manner of rumor about me and called an all-out war against me among our common acquaintances. As it was, after a few months of anger, I was blessed to have a good friend gently suggest I let it go and make peace with the situation. It actually felt really good to let it go (tho I obviously still have issues with SIL, but so does everyone who knows her...).

On another note, one of our top 2 names we're considering right now is Anna-Frances. We plan to call her the full name, but Annie is a possible nn we like that could evolve. One of my BFFs has a toddler daughter, given name, Annie. I texted her last night to ask if she would feel like I was name-stealing if we went with Anna-Frances and it evolved into Annie. I knew she would say it didn't bother her (she's really sweet) but I'm wondering what you berries think. Would it bother you in this situation? We live about 2 hrs from each other and only see each other a couple times a year at best (sadly), so I know in theory it shouldn't matter, but how would YOU feel?

[mjeezy13]

This hasn't happened to me, but I can imagine it would be infuriating. I don't have any preggo family or friends right now, so we're not too concerned about sharing our names, as we plan not to have any more children after this one. It doesn't bother me at all when I hear of other baby girls named Fiona, or that there have been several nameberry babies named Sylvie (our pick if baby #2 is a girl) lately. Maybe that means it's headed for the top 1000 and people over here will start accepting it as the full name it is, so I won't have to worry about her being called Sylvia all the time. My biggest worry is that a major celebrity will use the name Sylvie before our baby is born. Top 1000 is cool with me, but I don't know if I could use it after a celeb and have people asking me "Oh, like so-and-so's baby?"

[thetxbelle]

@saraallison using Anna-France's with the nn Annie isn't stealing your friends names, it's a completely different name with a common nn that many people have. So I wouldn't sweat it if I were you.

[taz]

i had this happen to me! my brother and sister in law were about 7 months pregnant with twin girls and i was just a few months pregnant with a baby whose gender i did not yet know...they initiated a conversation about names AND made us swear up and down we wouldn't 'steal' their names...they told us the 2 names they would be using and i told them i was hoping for a girl and would name her Nina Beatrice. so they loved the name- and when they had the twins instead of Kate and Sabrina they had Kate and Nina!!!! their justification (i learned later from my mil) was that i didn't even know if i was having a girl plus they wouldn't mind if i had Nina 2. this all happened with no warning or coversation. they just emailed my husband photos of their newborns titled Kate & Nina and i totally cried! i avoided them the rest of my pregnancy and once i had my daughter i must say- i looked at her face and knew her name wasn't Nina anyway so they can have it! i chalk it up to a lack of creativity and social graces! also i had told all of my friends and family and in-laws that we were planning on Nina before the twins were born so when the bil and sil announced the twins names everyone was shocked- prior to all of this i thought it was silly to keep names a secret!!

[saracita00]

I have a good relationship with my sisters so I asked them to let me know if they had "claimed" any names I should avoid. It turns out one of my brothers-in-law has his heart set on a certain boy name. It was on our longlist at the time so I'm glad I asked. Interestingly, my mom doesn't seem to think it's a problem to have the same name among the cousins, but the sisters don't like the idea. It's just courtesy among family and friends to be considerate of other people's choices. You wouldn't find out someone was getting X for Christmas and go out and buy the exact same thing for them too and give it first, how tacky is that.


On the other hand I do think if you're particularly attached to a name or combo, you should not post it on a public message board. Familiarity/exposure to a name is part of what makes it desirable, so if people are seeing a name/combo over and over in a signature line it only stands to reason that they might start to latch onto it. Plus, for each person who actually posts there are dozens who "lurk." There are no copyright laws of which I am aware that apply to message boards. Good manners would indicate one should ask permission to use the combo, but on the other hand any number of people could just use it without saying anything at all. If I met someone who had crooked a name from a message board, I would think they were not very creative but did take advantage of "fair game" information. It would be the same as if someone overheard strangers at the park talking about names and someone liked their combo and used it. Not very creative for themselves perhaps, but not mean.

[dandelion_wine]

I actually was talking to my brother and SIL about future kids and names and all that, and let them know my boyfriend and my top choice for a boy.. we're really, really set on that name, whereas we have a plethora of girls' names that we like, so if they were to use one of our choices, we have plenty of other options. I think that if you have a favorite name, it's OK to make it known to people close to you, if you can do so tactfully. However, in my opinion, you should really only do this for 2-3 names at most. Like, if you want to say to a sibling/best friend "I'm absolutely planning on using Robert James for a boy and Anna Grace for a girl, no matter what.", fine. But sending a list of 10-15 names that you want to claim is not so cool.

And in big families, I think it's unfair to "dibs" a name of a matriarch or patriach. I have many cousins on my mom's side, and we're all close. My eldest cousin gave her first son my grandfather's name as a middle name. It's a fairly common name (Francis) and also the mn of one of the cousins. I think it was a lovely sentiment, but I also wouldn't consider it "name stealing" if I or any of my cousins used it. (And my cousin is really great. I can't imagine she'd take issue with it, just an example).

So far my only disappointment has been of a rather awkward kind. BF and I had two boys' names picked out at one time, and unlike girls' names, which I change my mind on sometimes, these two were always our pick. We never mentioned it to friends, but recently two close friends who are getting married and actively trying to conceive told us that they definitely planned to name their first boy Nathaniel, which had always been our choice! It wasn't stealing, because they had no idea - if anything we'd be the ones stealing, because they announced it first and will almost certainly have kids before us. Which is why we're down to one boy name.

[danimarie]

It would only bother me if someone stole the exact combination after I told them personally I was going to use it.

But I don't like it when people put out a list with about 20 names on it and tells everyone that these names are taken. I have a family member that has done this (with names like Jacob, Ryan, Caleb, Aiden, Emma, Lily, Ava, Isabella, ect) names that I would maybe never use, but I know other family members might. You can't call dibs on pratically the top 100 names and get mad when someone uses them.

[arreisenlaluz9]

And in big families, I think it's unfair to "dibs" a name of a matriarch or patriach. I have many cousins on my mom's side, and we're all close. My eldest cousin gave her first son my grandfather's name as a middle name. It's a fairly common name (Francis) and also the mn of one of the cousins. I think it was a lovely sentiment, but I also wouldn't consider it "name stealing" if I or any of my cousins used it. (And my cousin is really great. I can't imagine she'd take issue with it, just an example).

I agree! James is a family name (my dad's, cousin's, great grandfather's and my brother's middle) and my sister and I have already come to the agreement that if we both have boys, then they will just have to have a cousin (and grandpa and uncle) with the same middle name as they do. Luckily her taste in first names is for the most part drastically different than mine. She likes Mason and I like August. She named her daughter Brynnley and I like Carolina. So I am not too worried.