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  1. #1

    So ashamed of feeling this way, but I just need to tell someone

    I married my best friend's older brother, and I've always been so happy to have her as a sister-in-law. We were friends in middle school and high school, and roommates in college. My husband and I have graduated college, gotten married, found jobs, started working on graduate degrees, and bought a house. She works a minimum wage job and spends all her time with her work friends. She showed up at our house yesterday, saying that she's pregnant. She's been dating a co-worker for three months and he's the father. She's never wanted children, ever, but she's decided to keep the baby.

    And I'm so ashamed of myself, but after she left, I started crying and I still can't stop. It seems so unfair that she gets to have a baby when I've done everything the way you're supposed to and I don't get to have one. I feel like she won the lottery just by picking up a ticket off the street when I've spent all my money buying tickets and never won anything. It's not even that my husband and I have trying - he just doesn't want to have kids anytime in the near future. He says he wants to be more financially secure. He's probably right. We don't make very much money -my sister-in-law makes more money than I do at my library job- and it's hard to see how we could afford children right now.

    I know she's going to have a very hard time being a single mother, and I love her and want to do everything that I can to help her with this. I just feel so hurt and left out. We always thought that I would be the one to have a baby, and she always joked that she would be the crazy, fun aunt. Now the tables have turned and I'm going to spend the next nine months watching her be pregnant and then with a baby when I want one so badly.
    Last edited by dandelionbreath; November 14th, 2011 at 10:56 AM.

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    4,089
    I don't think you have to be ashamed by your feelings. IMO you just want badly to become a mother and I don't see anything bad about that. You should discuss it with your hubby. Just tell him that it really hurts that your sister in law is going to have a kid and you don't. It's not only about you, it's about him too. Maybe you can wait 9 months and than when the baby is born your DH will see how cute and nice these little are and will ask you for one. Good luck!

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    3,184
    I think you're having a totally normal reaction. Who wouldn't feel left out and maybe even jealous?? My cousin's wife hasn't been able to carry a baby to term, but her sister had a baby under similar circumstances you described (and now just complains about him!), and my cousin-in-law has felt exactly the same as you. She's pretty close with our side of the family too and my sister and I are having no trouble having kids at all, so it's just like adding insult to injury, not that it's our fault but we feel so bad! It just doesn't seem fair when one lady wants motherhood so much and has a great family situation for a child, and everyone around her gets to have children but yet not her. It's just heartbreaking.

    I think pp is right, you should talk to your husband. You're not wrong. It hurts a lot. He should at least know what you're going through and feeling. You gotta respect a guy who wants to be financially secure, but you know money isn't everything either. Maybe just some simple re-budgeting would help things a lot? So sorry that you are going through this.
    My March arrival:
    Dulcinea Tesla
    We call her Daisy
    in honor of my mom.

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    1,043
    I think it's understandable that you would feel this way. I'm sure hearing this is quite a shock and you might need some time to adjust to the news. It's also hard when you were expecting to get pregnant first and now it's turning out differently. Just give yourself some time to feel whatever you need to feel. Talking to your husband might help too.

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    1,823
    I think that's perfectly understandable! I'm 16 and quite obviously waiting a long time to have children, but I was actually pretty jealous of the pregnant girl at school for a while. Maybe you can get a little practice in taking care of a baby close to you and your husband will want to start trying!
    Anastasia, Tessa, Marina, Stella
    Connor, Rhett, Corbin, Grayson

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