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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2013

    Advice on friend situation...

    Hi berries, this is not a baby/pregnancy question, but I know this is a good group to get opinions from so here we go....

    My husband became good friends with a guy through work about 8 years ago. I became friends with his wife. We happened to live on the same street too, so we were always having dinner together, having drinks out on the porch, going places together (all pre-kids of course). We all got along great. Then about a year ago, my husband was at work with his friend and they had a "situation". My husband said that his friend totally lost it, came at him seemingly unprovoked, yelling and screaming, got in his face shouting that he was going to kill him, beat him up, etc. (Surprising, but this guy does have a few emotional issues that we know of, so the behavior itself is not unheard of...just surprising that it was towards my husband) I know it must have been pretty serious because my husband was upset about it for days. They have only spoken a few times since then. This couple has also moved to a town about 30 minutes away. We both have kids now, and you know, life gets in the way... we are both very busy and do not see each other nearly as much as we used to. My issue is that my friend (this guys wife) will text me and say "we have to get together! let's plan something for when the guys are both off of work". The last few times this has come up I answer with a vague response, but now I am running out of things to say.

    I like this woman and I have enjoyed our time as friends. But I don't think I would be able to go over to her house for a play-date or something and act like everything is cool around her, but more so her husband, when I know transpired between our husbands and I know my hurt my husband was by that. My husband asked that I don't say anything to her about it, but even if I wanted to, what do you say about that? "Your husband was a jerk to mine so now we can't be friends?"

    I guess I am looking for advice on how to handle this. I feel bad continuing to make half hearted plans with her via text message when I know I am not going to follow through on them. But I also don't want to totally write her off because of the crappy thing her husband did... But obviously at the end of the day I am going to stick by my husband and take his side in the matter.

    So that's pretty much it. Sorry for the length and things... let me know if anyone has any advice! Thanks!

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Saskatchewan, Canada
    That is a tricky situation. I have nothing similar in my life to compare it too, so I cant really speak from experience. However I feel like if it was me, If you still like her and the kids...hang out with her and the kids while both husbands are at work. but at a mutual place like...a park, a pool, a play center. That kind of thing. At least for the first time. And dont invite the husbands. if it goes well, take it from there. if you get together and things are awkward or if shes different or she wants to talk about what happened or makes you uncomfortable in anyway, you can say something like "Oh i have an appointment/ laundry/ any thing else to do. we really need to get going." it gives you an out, and you dont feel like kicking her out because she came to your house. you know what i mean? Sometimes people grow apart. Sometimes people get in fights. It doesnt for sure mean the end of the relationship/friendship, but it can. it depends on the individual and how willing they are to over look past indiscretions. Whatever you decide, best of luck.
    My Kids
    ~Abigail Lucina Violet
    ~Nathan Kenneth Michael
    ~Joseph Liam James

    ~TBA Nov. 2016.

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    I agree with what @farie said. I think it's possible to have a friendship with the woman still, but it would have to be without the husbands.

    @Farie is completely correct that meeting at a park or something like that is a better idea than hanging out at either of your homes.

    Good luck!
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