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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2013

    "Rules" regarding gift giving

    Do you have rules in your house regarding the gifts your children recieve?

    For example; do you check your child's gifts before they recieve them? If you have rules regarding things like no you weapons or if you don't allow your child to watch certain television programs, what do/would you do if they recieved a a toy gun/sword or figures of that show?

    Do you "limit" the amount of gifts that grandparents can give?

    Do you require your child to donate items before receiving birthday and holiday gifts? How many?
    Lillian Elizabeth 6.16.13

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Since my daughter isn't the grandparents' first grandbaby, they don't spoil her. Even if she was, my mother was very careful about not spoiling any of her children. Scout can get many presents for her birthday, but we're teaching her to not think only about herself, so she chooses the ones that she loves most, (depending on how much she gets) and then with the others, we donate most and leave one or two as a gift for some other kid. Since she's going to have a sister or brother soon, we really want her to be able to share, and it's working out pretty well

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Sorry, duplicate post
    Last edited by tarynkay; August 30th, 2015 at 02:27 PM.

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Our son will be four this November, to put all of this in context.

    No, we don't police gift-giving at all. When grandparents ask what our son would like for Christmas or birthday, we always ask for things like museum memberships or classes. But they still buy him plenty of gifts. We usually wind up getting him just one thing bc there are so many presents from family. I do rotate out toys so that he doesn't have an overwhelming amount. And we try to space out presents. As to inappropriate gifts- when he was one year old, his grandparents bought him an iPad. We did not just hand that over. We didn't allow any screen time till he turned two and we still limit it a lot. But he is now allowed to use it (with close supervision.) So it's more like, ok, you aren't ready for this yet, we are putting it away till later.

    Nobody has given him any weapons. I dont forsee this being a problem- my husbands parents are all pacifists and mine are card-carrying gun nuts who are super into gun safety and hate toy guns.

    This hasn't stopped Lev from wanting to play games involving good guys and bad guys and killing people. He doesn't watch any shows or read any books about this, he just picks it up from kids who do. We allow this BUT only if everyone playing consents. So he can't "shoot" anybody unless they have already agreed that they want to play that game. Usually nobody wants to be the bad guy, so all of the kids end up being good guys and they just run around yelling and nobody gets "shot."

    We don't require him to donate toys, no. But we donate/give stuff away a lot, so he will ask if he can bring this or that to Goodwill or if he can give a specific toy or book or article of clothing to a younger cousin. When I ask if he wants to give something away (usually something I think he's outgrown) he gets really possessive and upset and says whatever it is is special to him. So I let him do this on his own.

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    We have big clearouts right before birthday and Christmas, then maybe another one sometime in the year. My daughter is 4 and so far I've had no problem getting her to give toys up that she doesn't play with. Something that really helped is allowing her to choose where the toys are going. We have a number of nurseries and family centres close to us, so she has plenty to choose from. The first time, she chose to give the toys to her nursery, to the children in the lower age group to her.

    When she left nursery, she chose to donate there again, and more recently she's wanted to donate to the kindergarten that we pass every morning on the way to school: she sees the younger children go in every day. I think it's really helpful for her to feel connected to the children she's helping, so it's not just a 'clear out' so she can get more toys, but the beginning of educating her about charity. Now she does it just to feel she's helping children who aren't so lucky as her, which I am immensely proud of.

    My family spoil her absolutely rotten, so clear outs are necessary. I don't allow very expensive gifts. She did get a kid's tablet this birthday and she has a couple of hours screen time a week. I try and make sure she's not swamped in pink girly gifts, so sometimes when people ask what she'd like, I ask for something like a garage or a superhero toy because she likes them too. Mostly though, people buy her craft and imaginative play things, because that's what she really likes.

    Now that she's old enough, she'll start writing her own thankyou notes.
    I find that I'm a lot stricter than some parents, but I'm not the strictest I know (one gift per family member/friend for each child from a pre-set list!!)

    I was very strict about weapons, not that girls receive a lot. I've relaxed that now that I've seen her play with them. I have a kid brother who is 11, and he loves Nerf guns and water pistols and Anna often plays with them with him. As long as I can see that she has a clear understanding of the difference between shooting a Nerf gun and a real gun, and cartoon vs real violence, I'm inclined to be quite liberal. Despite not wanting to push gender stereotypes, I know I'd be stricter with a boy because of the inevitable evolution to video games which blur the lines more than I'd comfortable with. I'm in the UK so I feel more comfortable being liberal about it because its next to unheard of for anyone to keep a gun at home.

    My brother did buy my daughter a Nerf crossbow (a pink one!) for her birthday this year, and it became a fast favourite.
    And there is something really satisfying about watching him be chased around by my daughter after the last 5 years of being a target for his Nerfs!
    Vengeance is sweet!
    Last edited by nj713; August 30th, 2015 at 03:29 PM.
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