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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    542

    Bad reactions to announcement?

    Did any of you get bad reactions when you announced you were pregnant? We haven't announced it to many people yet because I'm only 6 weeks along but we did want my parents (mom and stepdad) to know right away, especially my mom, because a girl needs her mom during this special time!
    My mom of course was ecstatic, like we knew she would be...but my stepdad had a terrible reaction.
    We told him as we were eating breakfast that I was "eating for two" and might need bigger portions. First of all, he apparently is so clueless he had no idea what "eating for two" meant! When he finally figured it out, he just mumbled, "Well, I don't know about the timing, but ok" and then we ate in silence. :O It was really terrible. After that, he left the table and said he needed to go for a walk. A day later, he sent me this e-mail basically explaining all the reasons he was concerned and criticizing me and my husband. He is worried about our financial situation and would like us to be in better jobs with more benefits. I agree, but I know that we can handle this and we've already started cutting down our expenses. I'm just disappointed that he had such a bad reaction...it's been hard for me to feel as happy about the pregnancy as I was before I told him.

    Has anyone else had issues like this? How did you deal with it? I know he'll eventually come around and I'm sure he'll love this baby but he made me feel embarrassed/ashamed to be pregnant...and I really want to be happy about this baby! I've had baby fever for so long and have been obsessed with baby names for the past few months, which is why I've spent so much time on this site!

    Any stories you'd like to share that might cheer me up? I'd really appreciate it!
    Boys: Nicholas, Elliot, Arthur, Griffin, Alexander, Zachary, Russell, Collin, Lucas, Liam

    Girls: Emma, Caroline, Jamie, Anna, Alessia, Savannah, Valentina, Audrey, Georgia, Liliana, Julia, Lucía

    Guilty pleasures: Solenne, Azalea, Kaia, Tawny, Aziza, Zinnia, August, Bailey, Lachlan, Caspian

    Baby #1 arriving in December...

  2. #3
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    2,306
    He will eventually come around. Lots of people decide to have a baby before they are able to comfortably handle it financially. There are lots of ways to save a couple bucks here and there, like coupons/ sale shopping, consignment store, and such.
    Are you able to get maternity leave, if you don't get many benefits? That might be a concern for your stepdad- just wants to make sure you can spend the time needed with your little one.
    Are you living with your parents? It sounds from your post like yes, so I can honestly understand where your stepdad is coming from about it not being great timing. If not, then totally disregard, because if you aren't under their roof and they aren't paying the expenses of you and /or your SO, then really, he has no right to complain.
    Parents always want the best for their kids. Your stepdad, I bet, does not want to see you struggle. I bet he has good intentions for his feelings, but just didn't go about showing them the right way. Sometimes it's a waiting game, but he will undoubtedly love the baby.

    I feel like no matter how old I am, my dad will be like "whaaaat?! You're too young to have a baby. You're still a kid" (despite being 28), so sometimes that plays a factor, too.
    Last edited by lucialucentum; April 9th, 2015 at 01:49 PM.
    Lucia
    Name aficionada, traveller, teacher, wonderfully enamoured
    Sela Beatrix, Eleanora Ivy, Zenovia Gwen
    Bastian Edmund, Gideon Felix, Fletcher Atlas

  3. #5
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    262
    I know a lot of people in my family weren't thrilled when my aunt got pregnant with her second... She and her husband got into drugs for a while after they had their first, and there was a lot of drama and family/legal problems. I don't really remember where they were in their rehabilitation process at that point, but I know that no one really thought it would be a good thing for them to have another baby. That was years and years ago, and everything turned out fine and is happy now, but I know there were some hard feelings for a while.

    This is only sort of related, but I felt like my parents had a really underwhelming response when I told them we were talking about getting married. Even when we got engaged! My mother-in-law was excited when we told her, but she was really distracted and immediately changed the subject to something else, which was a little disappointing for me. My mom basically said something along the lines of 'well, we have a lot of stuff planned this summer so you'll have to be careful about what date you pick.' It's funny to tell those stories now, but I was a little bummed that there wasn't more enthusiasm over the announcement. Sometimes I think with parents they're just worried about you and they get so focused on the potential problems with a situation that they forget you need them to be happy for you!

    I'm sure your stepdad is just worried for you. Try not to let it ruin your happy pregnancy feelings! Ultimately, it's YOUR decision about the right time to start your family, there will always be people who think you're waiting too long or starting too early. It's unfortunate that this was one of the first reactions you got, but try not to focus on it too much!

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    775
    When my stepmother heard we were expecting a third she asked outright if it was planned. I'm not sure what sort of relationship you have with your stepfather but at least in my case I kind of expect little digs from my stepmother since we've never gotten along well. Good luck!
    Mother to: Patrick Werner (3/10) , Mary Claire (06/12) and Margaret Rose (05/15)

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Hogwarts, Naturally
    Posts
    219
    Some people just don't know when to zip it and say congratulations.

    When my friend became pregnant, she had a relative with a similar reaction. Her hubby stepped in and said "these are valid concerns, but we didn't say we were thinking about having a baby - we said we ARE having a baby, the time for concerns has passed."

    That pretty much sums up my thoughts on it.

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