What's it like being an only child?

[sprite]

I have an older brother and younger sister. I think 'onlies' are much more.... well, nerdy, but not in a nasty way I mean, they seem keener to learn and do well. I think that they aren't "lonely" but I (I was a shy child) really liked to have a older brother to "protect" me! On the other hand, I absoloutely despised my sister! And it was probably quite unpleasant for her, because we spent a lot of time ganging up on her.

There are upsides for both, sometimes I think I'd love 1 and then it changes to 5! I think you'll just know when the time is right to have another and if you want one.

Onlies have more want to learn and siblings seem a bit more 'loose' and 'happy-go-lucky'. Just a random point- I always was scared of babysitters so I loved having sibs around for that and even now I don't like being in the house by myself- especially if you work it's nice for your kid to have someone around at home.

Not if the sibling bullies the other sibling. Or resents babysitting the younger sibling.

Also, my grandmother or aunt usually was my babysitter. My grandmother would also babysit my cousins, so my cousins and I spent a lot of time together. And when my aunt would babysit me, I would hang out and play with her kids (my cousins) as well.

[sprite]

I am not an only child, but my husband is. His immediate family members are either only children, people with no children, or very old people. As a child, he was surrounded by adults. I love him, but he tends to be self-centered and manipulative, two traits that, at least in his case, I believe are related to his placement in the family. We have several children, and I think he has a hard time understanding sibling conflict and certain things about childlike behavior in general. It's like he expects them to be small adults. Maybe his status as an only child has nothing to do with that, but I think it does. Sometimes I wish he had at least been around more children when he was growing up. He would probably be less stressed out as a parent.

And you've never meant people with siblings who are self centered and manipulative? What about spouses (with siblings) who cheat? What about siblings who don't help with taking care of ailing parents? What about siblings who bully their own siblings? Is that not beyond manipulative and self centered?

Please, stop stereotyping. If you husband is stressed out, it's his own personality. Would you like me to stereotype you as jealous, competitive, bullying, judgemental, screaming, always fighting, looking for handouts, always taking things, being territorial, and if you're the youngest sibling....spoiled and annoying. If you're the middle sibling....whiny and neglected. If you're the oldest sibling....bossy and uptight. These traits are associated with siblings.

[nerdy_cat]

I'm an only child who always wanted a sibling. Maybe I have a romanticized view of what having a sibling would be like (in fact, I'm positive that I do), but I always wondered how my life would have been if I wasn't an only.

On the "wish I had siblings" side, we moved around a lot when I was younger so I never got to keep friends for long. I went from being a social butterfly who would strike up conversations with strangers to a rather shy and quiet girl. I wished I had a sibling back then so I could have had one kid who didn't disappear from my life with every move. Maybe I wouldn't have lost my more social side if I'd had a sibling. Also, when my mom and I would fight my dad would always take her side without question. Maybe a sibling would have been an ally, or at least someone to talk to who wouldn't say "but your mom is so nice/cool! I'm sure you're probably exaggerating." My one ally who really understood me was the one friend I didn't lose completely when I moved, another only who was and still is like a sister to me but she lived far away most of my life, and this was in the pre-cellphone and pre-internet era so I rarely got to talk to her.

On the "glad I was an only" side, despite what I said above, I rarely ever felt lonely. I had a very active imagination and was really good at entertaining myself. I learned how to turn multi-player board games into fun games for one, I told myself stories and developed a love of reading and writing, I spent a lot of time "experimenting" and developing a love of science, and I really appreciate the friends I've made throughout my life because I know what it's like to have no one to talk to. I may not have done any of that if I'd had siblings because I wouldn't have had to.

And on the subject of loneliness, I rarely ever get lonely to this day. I just pull put a book or even just turn on some music and let my imagination run wild like when I was a kid and I'm happy. My husband, on the other hand, is one of three boys and he gets lonely pretty easily. If I leave him alone for any length of time or even if I'm just quiet for a while he starts to get lonely. So no, I don't think only children are lonely, I think they learn to develop better coping skills for being alone.

All in all, I wouldn't change my being an only child. It made me who I am, and I like me .

[lineska]

I'm an only child and I never really felt lonely growing up. While I didnt really get to have other child friends until I started kindergarten, the transition was pretty stress-free (I dont remember feeling traumatized and my parents say I did fine, hey, I even got a plus for works and plays well with others in kindergarten, haha).

I'm not a shy person, but I'm definitely an introvert. I enjoy my time alone and rarely have trouble keeping myself occupied. My husband is an only child too and thats one thing we have in common-- we both need our alone time, I think more than some couples, in order to get along as a family. From friends' experiences, I think sometimes partners of onlys that had siblings growing up can be put off by the amount of me-time onlys like to have!

Another thing Ive noticed about myself and other onlys, as a child, I tended to operate as a "little grown-up"...I took part in adults' conversations, never had a "kid table" at holidays because I was the only kid, got used to being around adults more than children. Obviously this can make for a big of a little weirdo, but I think it had a pretty positive impact on how I grew up. I never wanted a sibling.

And to throw a big screaming contradiction into all of that, I'm fascinated by siblings and how they relate to each other!!! I also love big families and would love to have 3-5 kids (thats huge by comparison to the families DH and I come from...)

[babyninja143]

I'm an only child. Growing up I was never bored or lonely. Actually my mom is my best friend and we do everything together. Simple things like shopping, spa days and things that can be hard like deep conversations about concerns. hopes, secrets. I feel like I have a stronger relationship with my parents than most people I know that have siblings. Obviously this doesn't apply to everyone but, your kid(s) will be fine if you only have one or if you have more.

[agirlinred]

I can't speak for what it's like being an only child, but coming from a family with only two children I can tell you that I always wished I had more siblings.

Two of my cousins are only children. "L" has Asperger's and is perfectly content by herself, so that isn't an issue. However, "D" wants a sibling so bad that he came up with a list of reasons (and names) to persuade my aunt and uncle to have another baby. Unfortunately my aunt is unable to have any more children. "D" isn't a lonely kid. He has lots of friends in his neighborhood that he plays with. He just wants the connection of a sibling, and I think that's completely natural.

[wandering.artist]

I am an only child, and I loved it. As others have said, only children attract other only children, so I always had lots of other only children friends.

My parents were sometimes criticized about having one child because there are a lot of unfair stereotypes about only children. I always found it weird that as a society we are (rightfully) intolerant of many stereotypes, but people seem to have no moral issues with having stereotypes against only children.

There are definitely pros and cons to both having 1 child or having a few, but I think that if you want to have 1 child, you should do it.

[wandering.artist]

I think that only children are often more comfortable being alone that people with siblings are, simply because we are used to it. I didn't feel lonely as an only child either.

[johannaheartsnames]

I always wanted another sibling, but I didn't mind that much, especially as I got older. As a teenager I thought a sibling would just be annoying. Now, I think it would have been great to have a deep connection with a sibling but overall I enjoy being an only child. I'm very close with my parents, my mom is my best friend. I'm very independent, something I don't think I would be as much of if I had a sibling.

[catloverd]

I'm not an only but I wish I was!!! I have a younger sister, we NEVER got along and now we don't even talk to each other. I would have rather been an only child. I used to ask my parents "why did you have to have to have her?" seems funny when you're little, but I still sometimes wish I didn't have to deal with her and her drama....

Every family is different, but having siblings doesn't guarantee your child will be happy, it could back fire like in my case. I think it's because my parents had us way too close together though. We aren't even 2 years apart and I've read that siblings closer together in age don't really get along. It also doesn't help that my younger sister is a spoiled brat.