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  1. #1

    Don't know what to do...

    Wow, I haven't been on in such a long time. I've just been so crazy with the babies. For those that don't remember me, I had twins in late April, who you lovely people helped name. James Orion and Charlotte Maia, are doing wonderful, and I fall in love with them a bit more every single day.

    The reason I have returned is I need someone to share this with. My partner Ben's cousin was recently in a car accident and passed away a few days ago. She left behind two small children, that have no one to look after them. Ben's cousin was an only child, her father died several years ago and her mother is unable to cope with the two children. The little girl will turn two in December, while her younger brother is three months old. Both have different fathers, one is completely out the picture while the dad of the little boy refuses to care for them.

    We're the only relatives that are in a good position to take them in, so it's basically up to us to decide what happens. The whole things has put us in a horrible position, as we're just so busy with the twins, and our flat is cramped as it is. Nor do I want the children to go into foster care, and possibly be separated. I just feel so lost, and I don't know how I feel about it. We have had a meeting with social workers last week, and another one on Monday, so things are happening. If we do take them in, then we'd be emergency kinship fostering, and with a view on adopting them later on.

    What would you do if you were in this situation? I just don't quite know how to react. Ben's keen on keeping them, I'm the one not sure. My family is torn on what we should do, so I feel like some none biased opinions are needed.

    Thank you for listening, I really appreciate it
    James Orion and Charlotte Maia (27/4/2011)

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    1,199
    This is truly a devastating situation and I can't imagine all of the thoughts that you are going through. I'd love to be able to say that have the right answer for you, but alas, it would be false. Having just adjusted to two new babies, you have a lot of change on your plate as it is, but these kids are family and you have already expressed that you don't want them to end up in the foster care system or separated. It's certainly not an easy decision. I can understand wanting to keep the children together, and I'm sure you would want your own children to remain together if tragedy ever happened. I'll share some words that my grandmother had told once when I had asked her about how she had managed to raise 6 children on her own after her husband died. "As long as you believe that you can do anything, you get up every day and make necessary sacrifices, it manages to work itself out in the end. Even if you aren't sure how it all did."

    I think you and your husband should talk about how each of you are feeling about it and express concerns, etc. Have an open conversation -- can you financially support two more children? How will you accommodate them into your home? Perhaps, then you two will feel better about it and deal with the situation in as proactive manner as one can in this situation.

    Again, I am sorry for your loss and know that you and your husband will decide what is right for yourselves.

  3. #5
    I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray that God gives you the wisdom to make the right choice.

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    976
    I am so sorry for this loss. How tragic. I would encourage you to take a step back an view this situation as a neutral party. Look at your finances and living arrangements. How will this affect your twins? Are you emotionally, mentally and physically prepared to care for another pair of small children? Make sure Ben knows your feelings and that you want what is best for everyone involved, which may include giving them up for adoption. I would encourage you to look into open adoptions in which the children will remain together. If you decide to keep them, look into hiring a caregiver. Would you be eligible for any type of child support from the fathers?

    I don't have an answer for you. Only you and Ben will be able to decide what to do. We will be here for emotional support in what ever decision you come to.
    My girls: Grace Patricia "Gracie Pat" & Eloise Martha "Elsie Mae"
    If we had a baby today: Moira Jane OR Desmond Walter
    Guys: Julian, Amos, Tobias, August, Silas, Peter
    Dolls: Iris, Marian, Hazel, Flora, Margo, Agnes

    http://modernmonikers.wordpress.com

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    468
    I am so sorry for your situation. There is a woman that used to come on NB, I believe her name was dotsmom. She and her husband had a daughter, Dorothy, and came on the site to name their twins, Eloise and Matilda (of course, a year or two later, i remember the girls names, haha). Not long after the twins were born they took in a family member's son that had been orphaned (James, maybe?). If there is a way to get her e-mail she may be a great resource to you. Some members have exchanged e-mail addresses, or maybe Pam or Linda has it?

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