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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    248

    family/mother in laws and the babies

    Currently, my husband and I are fortunate enough to live relatively close to both my and his family (we just moved back from thousands of miles away! Awesome feeling!) However, now that I am pregnant and expecting babies, I am not sure what to expect from in laws, in particular MIL. Don't have major problems w/ her, however, she is quite controlling in many respects, and I am sure this will only intensify when the babies get here. Am I crazy to be thinking about this, or is this something others of you have experienced and could shed any light on? Of course I want both of our families to be part of our babies lives, however, I know MIL can be pushy about things and I dont want this to cause issues when we have our babies. I will try to establish boundaries w/ my husband, but we have tried that (pre babies) and typically they are ignored! If u need examples, would be happy to give them, just dont want to make you read a book here! Any advice appreciated!
    Currently Loving:
    Girls - Noelle, Story, Adrienne, Kensington, Tessa, Cheyenne, Brisa, Cordelia, Autumn, Tawny, Elora, Mireille, Corsica, Brienne, Caliana, Anya, Vida, Agatha, Millie, Georgia, Autumn
    Boys - Noah, Joel, Gunnar, Bronson, Jesse, Montgomery, Griffith, Nathaniel, Josiah

  2. #3
    definitely say you have to set boundaries up front. You did say you have tried to do this and failed though... your husband has to back you on this and help you enforce boundaries you all agree on. My MIL and I get along, however, there are times when we need time for ourselves (our immediate family) and I have had to say "today's not good for a visit" here and there.
    Mom to Scarlett Elora, expecting baby girl ~

    Currently Loving:
    Girls - True, Adrienne, Camille, Matilda, Beatrice, Mara, Nayeli, Paloma
    Boys - Holden, Preston, Shaw

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    248
    I do have support from my husband, so I think that definitely helps, however, I guess my question is - how did your alls relationships with your MIL change after u had a baby? If she was controlling before, did she become moreso? If you had a strong bond, did it get stronger? Did it go from loathe to love? Just interested in knowing how a baby affects the relationship in personal cases
    Currently Loving:
    Girls - Noelle, Story, Adrienne, Kensington, Tessa, Cheyenne, Brisa, Cordelia, Autumn, Tawny, Elora, Mireille, Corsica, Brienne, Caliana, Anya, Vida, Agatha, Millie, Georgia, Autumn
    Boys - Noah, Joel, Gunnar, Bronson, Jesse, Montgomery, Griffith, Nathaniel, Josiah

  4. #7
    My relationship with my MIL stayed about the same; we get along. Like a lot of grandparents, my MIL wanted to feel needed, useful and engaged after our son arrived. I could have done a better job of making her feel useful. I probably offended her by dismissing some offers of help. She stayed with us for a week, which was great. There were times of course that I wanted my space but looking back, her help did make things easier (doing laundry, cooking dinner, etc).

    My advice is to give her something to "control" - ask her to be in charge of making sure dinner gets done on the day that she visits, or bathing the baby. She'll likely give advice and tips from her experience raising kids; if she's controlling, she may expect you to follow it. If the advice isn't something you'd like to follow, just smile politely and thank her for the tip. If she pushes, you can always fall back on things like "this is how my doctor prefers it be done" or "this has worked for my friend and I'd like to give it a try".

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    980
    I have had a difficult relationship with my in-laws. However, my FIL is the one who is controlling. You need to have a discussion with your family, but don't single anyone out or nitpick something that happened in the past. I would encourage you to let your in-laws have private time with the baby. Drop him off and go out for a relaxing dinner. You will get a break and they will be able to form a bond with the baby. Look at each day as a new opportunity to get to know your MIL. She may surprise you. You will also need to pick your battles. I personally don't like it when my MIL calls my daughter her baby, but it doesn't harm my daughter. She's forming a close bond with her granddaughter, which is exactly what I want her to do. One thing you may want to do is personally call you MIL for advice for something- even if it's something you already know the answer to. I did this once and DH said my MIL was so happy because of this gesture. It made her feel not only needed but wanted.

    Have conversations. Pick your battles. Stand up for yourself.
    My girls: Grace Patricia "Gracie Pat" & Eloise Martha "Elsie Mae"
    If we had a baby today: Moira Jane OR Desmond Walter
    Guys: Julian, Amos, Tobias, August, Silas, Peter
    Dolls: Iris, Marian, Hazel, Flora, Margo, Agnes

    http://modernmonikers.wordpress.com

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