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  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    231
    What if she's a lesbian, Rollo? I'm not trying to start anything, but there is more than one way to have a family. Ideally, I agree--a child should have two parents. But those parents might not necessarily be the biological parents, or even of opposite gender.

  2. #13
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    161
    She is old enough to have a baby. I choose to get married and have enough income and security to have a baby and be able to stay home with 2 while my husband works). I also lost my parents when I was 25/28, so my kids do not have grand parents (my husbands' parents are not very involved, maybe a card for x-mas and maybe not). Anyway she does have a point with having cousins for her child that are close in age. I do not have anyone that helps and my husband does travel for days at a time. Since she is only 21 more family members might be willing to help her (if she was 28-30 they might think she can do it on her own).

    1.I do not understand how she has free time and a steady income?
    2.Does she expect others to take care of her baby for free? (some grandparents are more than willing, others will treat the baby as their child and cause friction with the mom/grandma)
    3.Why is she already sure she does not want to parent with a father (does she have relationship issues and wants someone/thing to love? Maybe a dog/cat would be her solution for a few years
    4. Does she want more than one child? If so the cousin reason can be cancelled.
    5.Most of the mom groups I am involved in have mothers who are 25-35 (and older). The younger moms might show up once and then never again. I think they feel like they do not fit in. It sound like she is ok with older siblings so she could still feel comfortable with other moms (a friend who was married and pregnant at 24 did not go to the baby and me classes because she feel weird around older people)
    6. Most moms I know who have a child between 19/21 are not educated (just my experience) and end up acting like they are still 20 (drinking and dating random men) when they are 30 and the kid is 10. I have seen older (immature) mothers hang out with their teenager and think they are one of the kids. Does she plan to have this lifestyle? If so, she should just live her fun party days now without a baby instead of bring a baby along for the ride. A good point somebody made was: when we are young (college age) we are okay with life being a roller coaster. Now with kids we like the safe merry-go-round. Can you or she see what stage she is in?
    7. Is she going to a company to get a donor or is she planning on a 'friend' to do the job?

  3. #15
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    1,186
    Quote Originally Posted by rollo View Post
    I firmly believe the best thing anyone can give a child is a home where mother and father are married and love each other very much and who adore their children. She needs to wait a while for the right man to come along, marry and in time have the child of their dreams.
    I completely agree. A 2 parent home is best for every child. Ther mother and father's roles are both important


    Quote Originally Posted by calimom View Post


    6. Most moms I know who have a child between 19/21 are not educated (just my experience) and end up acting like they are still 20 (drinking and dating random men) when they are 30 and the kid is 10. I have seen older (immature) mothers hang out with their teenager and think they are one of the kids. Does she plan to have this lifestyle? If so, she should just live her fun party days now without a baby instead of bring a baby along for the ride. A good point somebody made was: when we are young (college age) we are okay with life being a roller coaster. Now with kids we like the safe merry-go-round. Can you or she see what stage she is in?
    I really liked this point--especially finding out what stage and what "ride" she is on right now and where her child will ride. Alot of this is my experience with young moms too. I had my first child when I was 19. Getting pregnant/having her/raising her is the reason I never graduated college. It's easy to say you'll get back or you'll take night classes here and there, but life happens and it's not easy! Now, I'm not saying I'm uneducated, but I definitely would have finished college if I didn't have her. I have taken night classes and I've worked outside the home (and been quite successful at it) but I choose to be a stay at home mom. Anyway, no, you don't need a college education to be considered "educated" but having a child at 21 certainly limits your educational opportunities.
    Wife to one great guy
    Mama to six pretty ladies: Scarlett (12), Penelope (9), Alice (3), Fiona (3), Lucille (15 mo.) & Coraline (15 mo.)

    & 4 angels gone before us: Christian (7 wks), Amos (6 wks), Naomi (16.5 wks), & Hosanna (6 wks)

    ~We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.~

  4. #17
    I'm a 21 year old single mom. I'm a college student and until recently kept my own place. (I came back to my parents house because my father is going through a lot of health problems and they needed the help). I wasn't a single mom by choice, but I don't mind it. I make all the decisions and if you knew me in real life, you would know why this is important to me because I lead a pretty alternative lifestyle.

    What really matters is her financial and emotional readiness. I grew up very quickly, so motherhood to me just seemed natural at a young age (no other way to explain it, I guess). If she can financially support a child, then I would ask her to really evaluate her emotional stability - maybe even visit a counselor of some sort?

    If she decides she is ready, then she's an adult and it's her choice. I personally like being a mother at a young age. I don't date randomly, like someone else said, that's for sure, and *gasp* I go out once a week.

  5. #19
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    122
    It's her choice but it would be hard for her to be a single mother. Also, she might meet a man who she really loves, and wants to get married. I'm not a single mother, but I just quit from my work because I couldn't pay attention. So now, I'm staying with my little girl at home. But, if she doesn't have a husband, she wouldn't be able to. Why don't you tell her to wait few years?

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