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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2011

    Young single motherhood by choice?

    Looking for thoughts/opinions on this scenario (happening in our family right now?)

    A single 21 year old deciding to use a donor to become pregnant on her own. Has a pretty steady income (not great but does very well for herself at her age). She says she doesn't want to get married, which may or may not change. She wants to have a baby while she is young and has a lot of open time. She is the youngest in our sibling group (10 years younger) so she says it's important for her to have a child that can be close with all his/her siblings in age since myself and the rest of my siblings all have 2-4 kids ages newborn-4.

    What do you think of this situation?
    What questions would you recommend I bring up to her?

    I appreciate any input.

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    United States

    Re: Young single motherhood by choice?

    21 is awfully young to be saddled with such a big responsibility. Does she have a good support system with your family? Does she live alone? Does she eventually want more children and if so, how far apart? I always wanted to be a young mom too. I got married at 21 and had a baby at 22. I left her father when she was 13 months old. Looking back, it was like we were playing house. I don't regret having my daughter, but if I could do it all over again, I would have waited. Everyone is different, but I would urge her to wait. At 21, she has her whole life ahead of her. She should take some time to enjoy herself and live selfishly for a while before becoming a mother.

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2011

    Re: Young single motherhood by choice?

    I think she is an adult, and it is her decision to make.

  4. #7
    Join Date
    May 2011

    Re: Young single motherhood by choice?

    Oh goodness. If she spends a lot of time with your children, she might have gotten too much of the "good aunt" time and not enough of the "realistic baby" time. My suggestion? Give her a kid over a long weekend (preferably the crankiest one) and let her see how difficult it is when that child is her responsibility 24/7. It's very easy to say "I can do that!" when you spend a few hours with a kid and then get to go home to your empty apartment and stress-free (by comparison) life.

    I was watching a talk show the other night and the guest was pregnant with her second. She said to the host, "Do you remember what it was like before you had kids, and you thought you were busy?" Then they both laughed maniacally. "Oh, how am I going to get to yoga before dinner out with my friends? How on earth will I fit them both in?" Cue more maniacal laughter. I thought that was a spot on about how people think of their lives before they have kids. They think "I'm busy already, I can handle it," yet they have no idea what busy really is. My childless BIL and SIL always makes similar comments like, "We're so busy. We come home from work, workout, eat dinner and have a few drinks. Then it's already time for bed. AND - some nights we have to play volleyball!" Cue my own maniacal laughter.

    My husband is leaving for a week soon. It will be the first time he's been gone overnight since I had my second child 15 months ago. I am absolutely dreading an entire week of two kids and no husband to help. Maybe I would have thought I could handle it before kids, but I know far better now. A 21-year-old should enjoy her freedom while she has it. Unless her goal is to have more freedom in her 40s than her 20s, choosing to be a young single mother sounds like pure torture to me.

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2010

    Re: Young single motherhood by choice?

    Quote Originally Posted by soshelly
    I think she is an adult, and it is her decision to make.
    I agree with this.

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