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  1. #1

    Scared to pieces

    Hi Berries...

    I joined this site after just finding out I was pregnant, but then I miscarried in February. It was my 5th miscarriage--I have 2 little boys--and now I'm pregnant again for the 8TH TIME. I was 9 weeks yesterday, so far things are looking ok, but I'm still scared to death of something going wrong. Two of my miscarriages were "missed" ones at 8-10 weeks with no symptoms except no heartbeat on ultrasound, after seeing a heartbeat previously. (Last week's ultrasound showed a squiggly bean with a good heartbeat of 174 bpm.) I'm also 37 years old and have screening tests for birth defects coming up in a couple of weeks, so there are a lot of anxious decisions to be made there--should we just take the NT/blood screen and call it good or go for the CVS/amnio even though it might cause another miscarriage, etc. For the first time, I decided not to even tell my parents till after the first trimester and all the tests are done, because I don't want to put them through another heartbreak if I can help it. It does make me feel a little more isolated with my fears though. I have horrors of doing things that can hurt the baby (did I overheat? did I get my rubella booster? did I just catch toxoplasmosis from that kitty?) since this is the stage of development where defects and miscarriages are most likely.

    I don't know....I feel stupid for being such a basket case, even though my past history might excuse it. Have any of you been through this? How did you cope? Any older moms with insights about the tests I have to take? Thanks for listening, and sorry this post is so long.

    ~Ashes of Roses
    Proud mama of Dane Jefrey, Rhys Lennon, and Alexander Auden

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    124

    Re: Scared to pieces

    Well, I'm not a mom, but I do have some advice.

    You didn't do anything wrong. Those miscarriages were not caused by any wrongdoing of yours. The baby just wasn't viable.

    And please, take a deep breath. Stressing too much won't help anything, and in some cases can make it worse. It's okay to worry, but it's also okay to be happy and excited for this baby. There's a right time and a right place for everything.

    As for being older, yes, there are risks. But I also know plenty of older moms and their kids are wonderful.

    Was that too preach-y? I just wanted to reassure you. Everything will be okay.

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    USA (Texas)
    Posts
    638

    Re: Scared to pieces

    I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. I have had recurrent miscarriage too and am also pregnant in my first trimester, 11 weeks. This time I had a period of extreme anxiety around 8 weeks (when my two losses occurred), and I think that the memory of the previous losses at this point in pregnancy is triggering worry on your part, which is absolutely normal. It's so frustrating to feel like there's nothing to do but wait, and that could increase your worries. Have you spoken to your doctor about having another ultrasound or at least going in to listen to the heart rate on doppler? If your diagnosis is recurrent miscarriage usually insurance will pay for the extra monitoring (in the US at least), and going in more often could help set your mind at ease.

    Here's an example of the horrible mind games I put myself through. While reading your post I noticed your fetal HR of 174 and thought "oh sh-t, the HR at my last visit was only 118, maybe something's wrong with my pregnancy?!?!" So I had to make a quick visit to Dr Google, who reassured me that anything from 110-180 is considered normal and that the HR slowly drops during the first trimester. If it wasn't so scary and sad, I would laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of what I decide to worry about from one moment to the next. I think everything you're going through is very normal and very common (or else we're both weirdos together!)

    As for the testing questions, I don't really know what the best course of action is. Can you discuss with your doctor and together weigh the risks and benefits of any tests? I'm almost 34 and I'm very torn about which tests to do. I think I'm going to do the NT/blood screen only, but please don't take my medical advise for anything.

    I know that you know in your head that you did nothing wrong to cause your previous losses, but it's hard to convince your heart of that. Please be nice to yourself and take care of you. Maybe some breathing exercises, meditation or yoga could help? Or get a sitter for the boys and go get your nails done?

    This is not intended to tell you what to do, but something that really helped me was to tell my family we were expecting and celebrate with them. I had asked my mom when we started trying again if she wanted to know early on again, and she said "it's hard to find out you're pregnant and then find out that you're miscarrying, but I want to celebrate the good news even if it means that I might have to mourn the bad news." So at 8 weeks when we heard a heartbeat we told our parents, and their happiness reminded me that while there's much to fear, there's also much to be thankful and happy about. I don't know if I'll ever feel "secure" in this pregnancy (having a miscarriage kind of robs you of that), but it felt so good to let go of the fears and just be happy about it for a little while. Congratulations on your pregnancy and you will be in my thoughts.

    Katy
    Mom to Conrad James and baby due May 2014

  4. #7

    Re: Scared to pieces

    Garnet, I didn't think you were being preachy at all, and Katy, I'm glad to have people here that I can be "weirdos together" with. I just appreciate the caring messages you guys wrote.

    I haven't been back online for a few days because things have gotten a bit scarier still. I rushed in to the ER on Sunday bleeding ( a LOT) and was diagnosed with a subchorionic hemorrhage. Luckily I had an ultrasound that showed the baby still alive and literally kicking, for now. The doctors can't say whether the hemorrhage will heal up on its own or get worse and cause another miscarriage. If that's going to happen, there's really no way to stop it. In the meantime, I may bleed for weeks. I'll just keep my fingers crossed that it will be ok anyway....
    Proud mama of Dane Jefrey, Rhys Lennon, and Alexander Auden

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    USA (Texas)
    Posts
    638

    Re: Scared to pieces

    Oh no! That's terrible! The hemorrhage is so scary and I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. Even though it's great news that the baby is still ok, I can't imagine the stress and anxiety you must feel right now. You have been in my thoughts almost daily since your first message and I wish that there was anything I could do to be helpful. Please know that I'm thinking of you and hoping for the best possible outcome.

    Katy
    Mom to Conrad James and baby due May 2014

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