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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Edinburgh
    Posts
    30

    I just... I don't know.

    Hey, guys. Long-time user, first-time poster. I'm afraid this going to be a bit of a mind-splurge, so please bear with me.

    So, I got pregnant with my first baby at fourteen and I gave birth shortly after my fifteenth birthday. I had a little girl, Sophie Colette, whom I adore more than anything else in the world. She is, quite simply, my heart. And although I regret not being more careful with protection, etc. and getting pregnant so young, I wouldn't do anything different if I had the chance. She is now a year old and life is going well. I'm finishing my education and her father is training to be a teacher in college.

    Sophie's dad and I are still together and we have been much more careful with protection since the baby came. However, I came off the pill a few months ago as it was wreaking havoc with my period and giving me cramps. We still used condoms and were very cautious when we did. But I just found out today that, despite all odds, I am pregnant again. I turned sixteen three weeks ago and I'm extremely upset about this.

    I'm Irish, so terminating the pregnancy would be completely illegal. I don't think I could do it, anyway. Despite being devastated, this is still our baby. I can't give it up for adoption, because I am already a mother to Soph and it would break my heart. But with two kids, my chances of going to college and getting a good job are getting slimmer and slimmer. I don't know what to do, how to feel. Part of me is happy and part of me is distraught. On top of everything else, I feel so guilty that I can't be happy about this baby. I already love it, yet I feel no joy about its impending arrival.

    Sorry for the rant, anyway. :| Thank you for reading! It helps to just let it out, you know?
    * Sophie Colette - 4/02/10 *
    * Anna Louise - 4/10/11 *

  2. #3

    Re: I just... I don't know.

    Don't apologize for ranting, silly. Of course it helps.

    This situation sounds incredibly large and difficult, and I cannot imagine dealing with these issues (babies in rapid succession, trying to finish school at the same time) now (I'm 30), much less at 16. (I'm sure you hear that a lot---I'm sorry! It's true!) Your voice sounds very, very mature, smart, and strong, and it is apparent that Sophie has an amazing mother who loves her and is doing her very best and will, surely, move mountains and create miracles for her baby girl.

    I can definitely see the appeal of letting it all out on an online forum---the anonymity!---but of course the downside is that you never know who's reading and responding to your post, and what possibly-crazy things they might say. I worry that you may become hurt or confused by someone's (possibly well-meaning) words!

    I know that this sounds like obvious advice, but maybe you can find someone trustworthy to talk to? An older or distant relative, maybe (a beloved grandparent?), or a best friend, or a teen advice line! I TOTALLY bet that there's a teen / parent / teen parent advice line that you have access to. You could also talk to your church (since you seem to be close to your Irish heritage) or Planned Parenthood---maybe talk to BOTH of them so that no one can say that you didn't spread your help-and-advice net widely! You could ask all of these people about recommendations for counseling---there are free or low-cost counseling options for teen parents pretty much everywhere, and someone like this, a counselor who could talk to you long-term, could help you with anything from figuring out how to maximize your chances of going to and succeeding at college, to bonding with a new baby even in difficult circumstances.

    You will make it through. It will be difficult, but you will be OK, and someday your college degree, awesome job, and beautiful healthy child(ren) will feel all the more precious because you worked so hard to help them thrive.

    Best of luck.

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Edinburgh
    Posts
    30

    Re: I just... I don't know.

    Thank you so much for your responses! I really appreciate them.

    Well, I posted last night and I have since slept. As with most situations, the whole thing looks a lot better after a good night's sleep. Although I am still scared beyond belief and worried about college and everything, I feel a lot better about handling this. I'm going to take all of the support I can get (once I get my own head around it!) and I will see how everything goes. Let's hope I can do this. :|

    Thanks again, guys!
    * Sophie Colette - 4/02/10 *
    * Anna Louise - 4/10/11 *

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    2,355

    Re: I just... I don't know.

    What a strong person you are for raising your daughter at such a young age! It's an enormously difficult situation you're in, as you know, and if you're positive that you can't give this child up for adoption, I'd suggest trying to find a social worker, who would assist you with finding programs to help you. I don't know what it's like in Ireland, but in the US social workers can work with struggling families or teen moms and help them afford the necessities and get access to childcare and educational/employment opportunities.

    As a side note, after the baby's born, you may want to look into intrauterine contraceptives. They'll last 5 years, sometimes more, and are minimal maintenance. Best wishes for you and your family!

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Edinburgh
    Posts
    30

    Re: I just... I don't know.

    Thank you for your reply, Daisy!

    My mum knows now, anyway. As you'd expect, she really wasn't happy about it and blew up at me when I told her. But after she finished shouting and calmed down, we had a big conversation about it (pretty much three hours of tears). She told me that she would always love me and support me, no matter what. It made me so happy to hear that. Having my mum behind me really makes me feel stronger about this whole thing.

    She organised my first doctor's appointment, too. Her best friend, Karen, is a midwife (she's the one who delivered Sophie) and I went in to be examined this morning. I'm around eight weeks gone and due on the twenty-seventh of September. I'll have my first scan in twelve weeks and find out whether I'm having a boy or a girl.

    I just want to say thank you again to those of you who replied. I really appreciate everything you said, and also for listening to me rant. It helps more than you'd think. But yeah, expect to see me around the site for the next few months, fishing for names!

    Thanks, guys!
    * Sophie Colette - 4/02/10 *
    * Anna Louise - 4/10/11 *

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