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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    14

    name regret and my beautiful baby is 4 months old

    Hi Nameberry peeps,

    I've posted in the past about name regret I've had with my youngest daughter's name. She is now 4 months old and I still don't feel comfortable hearing or saying her name. I just feel like I made such a bad choice. I already changed it when she was a month old but I wasn't totally happy with the change but my husband thought that I would never find a name I loved. Unfortunately my ocd was triggered after my c-section due to my struggle in finding a name for her. Ocd makes you doubt your decisions; it's called the doubting disease. It was extremely hard for us to find a name since we wanted an italian name but being italian we had alot of names that we couldn't choose due to it being in the family or negative associations. Anyhow, her name at the present is Liliana but for some reason I 'm having trouble saying it and now I'm focused on it not sounding good with my eldest daughter's name which is Sofia. Not sure if the OCD is making it worse but I think if I really loved the name then I would be fine it and not doubting it as much. I'm also regretting that Lily is so popular. So was Sofia's name but I've never regretted it. I love her name so much. I hate telling people my youngest daughter's name! Isn't that awful.

    I need some advice. Should I change it? Do the names sound good together? I wish I would have gone with something like Elena or Francesca instead. I feel they sound better with Sofia. Am I making too much of this like my husband says. He's given me the chance to change it but he's so fed of seeing me depressed. He thinks that I should move on....

    Maybe we shouldn't have limited ourselves to italian names but we speak Italian at home so we wanted use Italian names.

    Anyone been in a similar situation?

  2. #3

    Re: name regret and my beautiful baby is 4 months old

    Sorry to hear about your struggles with your name choice. I do know first hand what it is like to have namers regret, and I can say that I STILL struggle with it and my daughter is 3 years. There isn't a day that I don't still contemplate transitioning to her MN and wondering if that would be fair to her, or even a realistic task. It wasn't until my daughter was a few months old that I started to feel it wasn't right and it has persisted since. I wish I had transitioned then so that I would have resolved this issue for myself (athough, I suppose I can't be sure that I wouldn't regret having changed the name either). It is such a tuff spot to be in since you feel in your heart that it isn't right, but at the same time, you aren't conviced of the alternative either. I know what it is like to not share the name with confidence to others, and to even avoid saying the name or using a nn instead. It makes me sad but I keep hoping that I will get past it.

    I'd like to tell you to change the name if you feel deep down that's it's not right. Four months old is nothing. I wish I could go back to that option in infancy. That said, everyone has a unique experience and I don't know enough about ocd to know how much that may or may not be playing into your struggles. Also, I think that Liliana (nn Lily, too) is a beautiful name and goes just great with Sofia. I guess I can only recommend that if you have a name that you LOVE and feel is right, change it while you still can. If you aren't confident about an alternative name though, I would suggest leaving it alone or waiting it out some more.

    Good luck to you!

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    2,535

    Re: name regret and my beautiful baby is 4 months old

    I did experience a bit of naming remorse with my daughter, but it was a very different situation. It involved making a decision between two names that I loved. In your case, it sounds like you are saying that you never did care much for or bond with your younger daughter's name. I do think that Sofia and Liliana go well together. However...

    Without a doubt, you cannot go through life cringing at the sound of your daughter's name. You should feel pleased and proud when announcing it to others.

    I recommend trying out your alternate names on your daughter, one at a time. For example, at home, you could start calling her Francesca (totally awesome name, btw!) and see if it feels right or wrong for her. Elena is another gorgeous name. Would you be pleased to announce her name as Francesca or Elena to others? When you find the name that seems to suit her -- one that makes you joyful NOT depressed to hear and say -- then I would change it. Sooner the better.

    Please let us know what you decide!
    Mother of three teenagers: (1) Daniel Glen, (2) Timothy Austin, and (3) Rebecca Jane... all middle names honor family... 3rd generation mn Jane. (A second girl would have been Susanna Eve and a third boy, maybe Isaac...)

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    669

    Re: name regret and my beautiful baby is 4 months old

    Hi!
    I think Sofia and Liliana sound lovely together. I don't have kids but I have a feeling it might be normal to some extent to wonder if you made the right choice for your baby's name. I know my mum always loved really unique names and sometimes she mentions that she wishes she'd called me one of those names instead of boring old Lauren Kay! But now I'm 25 and have made the name my own and she can't imagine me called anything else.
    Are you having any help with your OCD? If you think it might be making the matter worse maybe you could re-evaluate once you're feeling more in control of things?
    I really think you made a great name choice! Stick to your guns!
    If you still really want to change it, how about just modifying it? Making it Lilia, instead of Liliana? It's still pretty and it's not changing the whole identity you've already given her. Two of my friends have modified their baby's names and it's all worked out peachy.

    Good luck!
    X

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    966

    Re: name regret and my beautiful baby is 4 months old

    Ever since we started considering ttc again, I have regretted my daughter's name. We always knew that we wanted to have more children, but we didn't really think about sibling names when we named our daughter. I think that sibling names should be somewhat similar. Our daughter's name is Grace Patricia. I feel that Grace is such a popular name and I always said that I would never pick a popular name for my child. The names we have picked out for our next child is Evangeline or Desmond, but I don't think that they really go with Grace. I secretly want to change Grace's (who is now 2) name to Penelope or Imogene, but I think that she is too old to do it now. I thought about adding an additional middle name, and DH is open to it, but since she's over a year old, we'd have to take it to the county clerk and pay a fine (because that's the law where we live- I'm not sure how different it is in other places). If Grace were under a year old, I would definitely change it. I think that her name suits her, but I think that it is far too common and not really my style of names. (I was extremely sick when I was pregnant and I became quite delirious, so I don't really remember talking about baby names. I really just remember knowing that her name was going to be Grace and talking DH out of naming her Grace Marie.) I love my daughter, but I constantly try to find different nicknames for her- Darlin', Pat, Honey Bear. I never really call her Grace or Gracie. Sometimes I'll call her Gracie Pat, but that's as far as I can get. I remember right after she was born (while I was still delirious from being sick and in labor- I still haven't really recovered from being so sick, but that's a different story) that she didn't look like a Grace to me and second guessing her name right away. But I kept it to myself and I now regret it. I like calling her Pat and Patty, but she's named after DH's grandmother, who is still alive and we see her often, so it's a bit uncomfortable calling her that in front of DH's grandma. If you have the chance to change a name you hate, I would do it.

    However, that may not be the best choice for you. Start calling her other names and see how it feels. What about calling her Ana, or her middle name? I think that Liliana and Sofia are beautiful together. Find out the laws about changing names of minors where you live and find out how long you have to change it before you have to make a formal appeal and wait as long as you can.

    Good luck and I hope this helps!
    My girls: Grace Patricia "Gracie Pat" & Eloise Martha "Elsie Mae"
    If we had a baby today: Moira Jane OR Desmond Walter
    Guys: Julian, Amos, Tobias, August, Silas
    Dolls: Iris, Hazel, Flora, Margo, Agnes

    http://modernmonikers.wordpress.com

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