Boys who like "girly" things

[namefan]

Once again, although I'm not a mom (and I'm a guy for that matter) I thought of another good topic to discuss. Most of us know in the naming sphere about the double standard when it comes to cross-gender names and how it's reflected in other aspects as well with girls often being given more leeway with cross-gender behavior than boys. Although I was pretty much not interested in more feminine things myself, I think it's great for parents to let their sons explore their interests in such areas if that's what he wants to do. What I'm looking is if any of you Nameberryites have any boys that like to engage in "less-than-masculine" activities, likes looks that are considered "feminine" (e.g. long hair, sometimes wears "girl's" clothes, etc.), etc. and you support those interests (rather than try to make him act stereotypically)? Let's help break this stereotype that constrains many boys!

[lyndsayjenness]

Great topic as usual, Kelly!

My boy is only one and a half, so we haven't dealt with him really having desires to do "girly" things yet. But, he has a couple baby dolls that he sort of likes. I have tried to encourage that more than he has actually shown interest in it, though. Oh! He loves shoes! Lol, seriously! I think he's going to be a shoe collector when he's older because he gets really excited about shoes. Not just his own, but everyones. Also, he loves to dance. I don't know think that's unusual for his age, for boys or girls, but I am probably going to put him in dance classes when he turns two. It's one of the only physical activites they have for such young children, and I think he'll love it. My husband is totally on board. Contrastingly, I have a nephew who is nine months younger than Dash (Chris' brothers son) and my BIL doesn't want him to have anything to do with girly things. He has him playing with hockey pucks and stuff like that, and discourages anything feminine. I think that's a combo of him having 2 daughters first and always wanting a little hockey players. My BIL is really not a macho type of guy at all, so it's a little surprising. My other BIL is a hunter, and he trapped a fox once when my nephew was about 9, he had him help him skin it and all of that. It was obvious that my nephew wasn't comfortable with that, but his dad wants him to be tough. He's a great artist and his dad won't let him take art class, makes him pay baseball instead which he has no interest in. Their girls of course are allowed to play sports AND do artistic things, definite double standard. My plan is to let Dash choose his own interests and activites and whatnotl I feel really blessed that my husband feels the same way about that and isn't afraid of stereotypically feminine things.

[mischa]

Oh, am I glad we have a male Nameberry. It's great to have a male world view. Personally, I really get depressed with the gender issues that still plague our society in the 21st century. It begins before we're born. Alot of parents want to know the gender of their baby so they can "plan" the baby's room and clothing (eg. blue for boys and pink for girls). Yuck! I've never liked pink in my life. Just give me something yellow or green and I'll be happy. Even when one visits a toy store the genders have their own sections: guns and action figures for boys and dolls and arts and crafts for girls. Makes me crazy! I know boys and girls are different and have certain strengths due to genetics but I really wonder how much these differences are taught or learned over childhood. There is a double standard for baby names as well. Once the girls take over a boys name (eg. Beverley, Evelyn and Dorian were once boys names), these names no longer appeal to parents naming their sons. Boys names are dwindling fast and I think that's why the old classics like Jacob, Michael and William are so popular. Parents of daughters have alot more choices and can be more imaginative when naming girls. Unfortunately, the pattern has been set and boys names are diminishing. I have to stop now. I'm getting ticked off.

[jackobeam]

Jackobeam is a male nameberry too!

[namefan]

Has anyone noticed that those who would be willing to name their sons something unisex often also are more open on letting them explore cross-gender things more freely, while those who believe in the double standard that has been going on tend to think the same way with their kids' "gender freedom"?

Mischa: Don't feel ticked off; things appear to be slowly but surely shifting (for example while fewer babies are being given the top names now than a couple of decades ago for both genders the "conformity curve" has fallen faster for boys in recent years). While the names you mentioned (except for Dorian, which I still consider perfectly usable for boys) are probably too far gone at this point, today's unisex picks like Avery and Riley are remaining fairly steady for boys despite rising for girls. Some that were popular for girls a generation or two ago which now sound dated on the girl's side like Kelly or Robin still stand a chance in my opinion for boys (as they fall faster for girls than boys the gender ratio gradually narrows for them). The same also applies to the topic of this post: While the double standard is still very much alive, today's new generation of parents is gradually becoming more open to wider freedom of gender roles for boys (especially the fathers, who have tended in the past to be the vetoers of their sons engaging in "feminine" pursuits).

[caoimhe]

I think it's true that people who are open to using unisex names are more open to boys being interested in "girly" things. We certainly are... My son, Sidney, is only 2 months old at the moment but we have no problems at all if when he gets older he wants a pink bike/bedroom or to play with dolls etc. I mean why not?! If we end up having a girl and she wants to play with soldiers and trucks etc. then thats fine too... I don't see the big deal.

I think it was on the Child of our Time TV program (may just a be a British thing... those of you from the US - they have been following a few children born in the millenium every year until they are grown up to chart their development) where they showed a 10 year old boy actually had more "girlfriends" than those who had had the traditional boys upbringing - he could actually talk to them whereas the others who had been discouraged from "girly" behaviour couldn't. He had no problems with riding a pink bike as to him it as just a bike... etc. Just goes to show that maybe enforcing the macho thing on boys is actually achieving the opposite!

Interesting topic!

Rachel

[mischa]

Oh good ,another male Nameberry. And I love your pseudonym, Jackobeam! Very memorable!

[auburn]

Great topic as usual, Kelly!

My boy is only one and a half, so we haven't dealt with him really having desires to do "girly" things yet. But, he has a couple baby dolls that he sort of likes. I have tried to encourage that more than he has actually shown interest in it, though. Oh! He loves shoes! Lol, seriously! I think he's going to be a shoe collector when he's older because he gets really excited about shoes. Not just his own, but everyones. Also, he loves to dance. I don't know think that's unusual for his age, for boys or girls, but I am probably going to put him in dance classes when he turns two. It's one of the only physical activites they have for such young children, and I think he'll love it. My husband is totally on board. Contrastingly, I have a nephew who is nine months younger than Dash (Chris' brothers son) and my BIL doesn't want him to have anything to do with girly things. He has him playing with hockey pucks and stuff like that, and discourages anything feminine. I think that's a combo of him having 2 daughters first and always wanting a little hockey players. My BIL is really not a macho type of guy at all, so it's a little surprising. My other BIL is a hunter, and he trapped a fox once when my nephew was about 9, he had him help him skin it and all of that. It was obvious that my nephew wasn't comfortable with that, but his dad wants him to be tough. He's a great artist and his dad won't let him take art class, makes him pay baseball instead which he has no interest in. Their girls of course are allowed to play sports AND do artistic things, definite double standard. My plan is to let Dash choose his own interests and activites and whatnotl I feel really blessed that my husband feels the same way about that and isn't afraid of stereotypically feminine things.

Lyndsay, I think you have a great attitude. I don't understand all of these double standards people have, with girls heralded when they do something 'masculine', joining a football (soccer) team or some such, but then boys are sneered at for doing something 'girly' like dance. Attitudes do seem to be improving, though - one family I know gave a little baby doll to their son when they were expecting a second child.

Also, my nephew (2 years old) really loves shoes, too. He takes great care choosing his shoes every day (which are basically all the same, just in different colours!), and as I get to play the role of glamorous aunt, he loves inspecting my shoes and jewellery whenever he sees me. Actually, I think it's probably good for sensory developmental, as he likes to touch my shoes and feel the different materials - suede, canvas, leather, patent leather.

Auburn

[jayjoh]

I'm another male nameberry fan. Anyway, my son is actually very into typically masculine things right now (getting very much into sports even though he's only five), which is probably because of my partner Derrick who's into sports and more masculine pursuits lol. Our oldest daughter is also into sports, but our youngest is more into baby dolls and playing house and dress-up than the older two ever were. We definitely encourage all our kids to at least try as many different activities as they want, whether the activity is typically "male" or "female." I think that's really important, especially since my parents definitely tried to push sports on me and my brother (total non-athletes) and not my (now athletic) sisters.

[suzannevk]

Not a mom (yet) so I cant say anything from experience, only my intentions.

I have two older brothers and I am not a girly girl. I wanted cars and lego's and a skateboard, ... from santaclaus but I only got dolls and stuff. I did like barbies and dolls and playing with my toykitchen, i loved it, but i also loved to play with my brothers toycars.

This is the reason I dont want to force anything on my childeren. I dont care if my boy wants to dance, nor do i care if my daughter wants to play soccer. All I care about is if they are happy. Thats why I dont want to know the sex up front, i dont want a pink room for a girl or a blue one for a boy.

I, however, will accurage my children to go into some kind of hobby. Ill let them dance (if they show interest that is!), play a musical instrument, go to soccer, volleybal or tennis, ... tryouts, ride horse, go to the local yought club (? is that a word, just a club where you play games and such). But if they dont like it (and tried for serious) they dont have to to that.