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Thread: 8 years apart

  1. #1

    8 years apart

    I have a daughter who turned 8 in May, and I am due with another daughter in November. Does anyone have an advice on raising children (sisters) so far apart in age? Everyone assumes this is a second marriage or different father, etc. It isn't. We have been married almost 10 years, and my hubby was in the military for 4 years, during which I didn't feel I could handle two babies on my own. When he fulfilled his contract, we tried to conceive for a while, and when it didn't happen we figured it wasn't meant to be. After that, I got a new job working full time, and shortly after that our daughter started school. For a few years we didn't think much about it, until last year we decided to give it one more try. After 5 months, we were pregnant and shocked! =)

    Anyway, most ppl have negative comments about "starting over" and how the girls "won't be close" because of the age difference. In my opinion, this is how it was meant to be and God doesn't make mistakes, so that is how I reply. But I still would like some advice and comments from those who have gone through the same situation. Thanks!

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    619

    Re: 8 years apart

    Personally I think it comes down more to the personalities of the children involved and the way their family raises them. There's 5 years between my brother and I but we've always gotten on really well. I know someone who is really close to his little brother and there's 8 years between. Sometimes I think it's more of a problem when the siblings are too close together in age because they feel there's too much rivalry between them, needing the same things at the same age.

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    112

    Re: 8 years apart

    I understand completely. My husband and I are going to start trying for another child later this year and if we are blessed with a pregnancy then our children will be 8 - 9 years apart. This is a concern for me but I think if it is meant to be it will happen and we will deal with whatever issues come up. In regards to people passing judgement on why you waited so long I say it is none of their business. Siblings do not have to be close together in age. There is no mandate out there that says it is so lol. I think it is great that your family has been blessed with another child and I bet your daughter is excited!!!

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    23

    Re: 8 years apart

    My daughter just turned 8 last week and I am 6 weeks pregnant now. Our situation is a little different; we had our daughter when we were still teenagers and it took us a long time to overcome all of the difficulties that go along with that. We wanted to make absolute sure we were ready the next time.

    I have gotten comments from family members that I must be crazy for wanting to start over. If we had decided to quit at one, our daughter would have been out of the house when we were still in our 30's and we would have been able to travel and do all of the things we missed out on in our 20's. But our family just didn't feel complete. I'm actually really looking forward to seeing the dynamics between the two of them with such a difference in age. My daughter is at an age where she will remember her sibling being born for the rest of her life and I'm looking forward to sharing that memory with her. Not many kids can say that. At her age she has also developed her own sense of individuality that isn't defined by trying to be like (or different) from her sibling.

    On a side note, I have a friend whose daughters are spaced 8 years apart, and although she was trying to conceive for several years before finally having her second, she told me that she would not have had it any other way. Apparently it is much easier having them spaced this far apart

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    410

    Re: 8 years apart

    Everybody here has all the positive comment, i dont want to be the downer but ok...

    I have 2 older brothers who are 8 and 9 year older then me. The two of them are almost twins, just 10 months between them. (the oldest was born in november, and the younger brother in folowing september)

    I cant say I have ever been as close with them as they are with each other. Having the same friends, going out together, soccer together, ...
    They still treat me as a baby. I always feel left out, dont know what to say to them. I had a hard time when they were going to puberty and when I am/was going to puberty they were building there houses (together! They helped each other.)

    Bottom line is, I feel like a baby when I am with them and I dont feel really comforble when we're alone in a room. When my parents arent home and I am, they say 'isnt mom here?', i go 'no theyre out', he says 'ok, well im going home then' We dont have much to say to each other.

    I would have loved to have a sibling MY OWN age, so i wouldnt feel so alone at times...

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