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Thread: So Torn

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    244

    So Torn

    To start with- I had a very easy pregnancy (as easy as it could be- no complications, no morning sickness) an uncomplicated and fairly short labor at 39 weeks, and the end result was a perfectly healthy baby boy. He is now 6 months old and I love him more than life itself.

    After I found out I was pregnant I swore up and down I'd never have another one! He was unplanned. I had horrible anxiety. I was always at the OB, calling the OB, and towards the end made quite a few trips to L&D! The weeks and first couple months following his birth was full of anxiety- how could I be so irresponsible so as to bring a perfect human into such an imperfect and scary world. I felt like something was bound to happen and take this perfect being away from me at any given moment. Never again did I want to feel that way.

    As the PPD and anxiety started to let up, about 3 months ago, I started to consider the future. All of a sudden I became baby crazed again! My little newborn became a 'real baby' as he outgrew that 4th trimester, and all those cute newborn clothes too!

    I am still torn now. Some days (most) I am thinking about having another, dreaming of gender, names, etc. I feel tinges of jealousy at my pregnant friends.Then other days, particularly the rough days, I think 'nope. One and done. All the way.' The other day I woke up feeling like I was going to throw up. It ended up being nothing. But then the panic set in , thinking about having a baby or toddler, and being pregnant and having morning sickness at the same time. The thought of having a hard pregnancy, difficult labor (can't get lucky twice, right?!) and then the PPD and anxiety all over again. Fearing the endless nights. Not even being able to sleep during the day because I'd have two! It's all so scary!

    If we do decide to have another my stipulations are that Jem would have to be almost potty trained when we start trying, and able to occupy himself for at least 20-30 minutes (in event of morning sickness!). I think 2-3 yrs old would be the time. But again... So unsure.

    Any input?

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    1,200
    Why be jealous of pregnant friends? You just went through everything they are experiencing, and received your blessing already. You are a step ahead and can help them on their journey into motherhood! Is it truly another child you want? Or is it all of the attention that pregnancy entails? Remember, the challenges you face with your infant won't go away just because you are pregnant again. There's no way to back up to First Time Mom status. Unless you are an older mom, (which you don't seem to be) you probably have plenty of time to consider having other children. My advice is just relax, stop thinking about babies you don't have, and enjoy the baby you have already. Wait until you no longer have a baby to make a new one. :-) I think a space of at least one year between pregnancies (from the birth of baby #1 to the conception of baby #2) is a healthy and good thing. Your obstetrician would tell you the same thing. I know a ton of families with children very close in age, and it's easy to see the mom suffers the worst of the stress and strain, at least in the first years. There is no need to rush what will happen rather naturally throughout the course of your life, if you let it. The physical, financial, mental, and emotional strain of a second child seems to be more than you may be ready for. A lot of this depends on your partner, too. Are you single, married, or dating? What does Jem's father or your current partner think? My advice: wait for a time in your life when you are better prepared to cope. Really, refocus on the infant you already have. You'll know in your heart when it's time for another. I am a little unsure of the unknown, adding my #2. But I have peace in my heart about it. I hope you find peace with these questions, too. Best of luck!
    Last edited by mulme944; August 26th, 2014 at 09:25 AM.
    Mommy to Travis Nevin and Baby #2 is due first week of April 2015
    Future Sons: Angus Loudon ...or... Harvey Leonhard ...or... Jethro Blaise
    Future Daughters: Ada Katherine "Ada Kate" ...or... Tessa Charlotte ...or... Florence Imogen

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    244
    Thanks!

    'Jealous', I suppose is not the right word. It isn't a negative jealousy. It's more of a nostalgia- I miss being pregnant! It was such a special time. I realize the first time only happens once. That's why I am so nervous- I know it'll be different!

    I am happily married. My husband wants a second as well. I think he'd like one sooner than I would! He really loves being a dad.

    As I said, it will be at least another 2 years anyways. I am just torn on if I want another or not! I guess I wasn't specific enough- I suppose I'm looking for others stories- ones who are adding baby #2, or ones who have decided to just have one!

    Thanks for the advice on just enjoying Jem! I am so sad he is getting so big already. I think that's why I'm already thinking about next time! I try to enjoy every snuggle and kiss! I wish they stayed little longer

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    4,518
    Young babies are like catnip-- highly addictive.

    Toddlers are about the world's most effective form of birth control. Just wait 6 months and those feelings will subside.
    Blade, MD

    XY: AR
    XX: CVN

    Aquila * Chrysanthe * Emmanuelle * Endellion * Ione * Jacinda * Lysandra * Melisande * Myrra * Petra * Rosamond * Seraphine * Silvana * Theophane / Blaise * Cyprian * Darius * Evander * Giles * Laurence * Lionel * Malcolm * Marius * Peregrine * Rainier

    كنوز الصحراء الشرقية Hayat _ Qamar _ Sahar _ Maysan _ Iman / Altair _ Fahd _ Faraj _ Khalil _ Najid _ Rafiq _ Tariq

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    2,590
    I agree with you on wanting to wait until Jem is potty trained before having another baby. I'm currently expecting my DH and I's first baby, but we too want another one, but are going to try to have at least 2-3 years difference in our children's ages.

    Since you have a while before Jem is potty trained I'd say you have quite a while to decide if you think you want another baby or not. As others have said, just relax, and you will know what the right answer is for you.

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