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  1. #11
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    181
    Sebastian does really well with my MIL. He loves being at their house, and they have a great dog that he always looks forward to seeing. Plus time with his Papa and Nana is always treasured. I bet that he would do fine there, I just don't know how I would do not having him at home! Would it be considered rewarding his naughty behavior to let him go spend the night there? Should we try to do it on a day where he's been really good? Maybe as a reward? I'll ask my husband what he thinks about a reward system, but I don't want Seb to start thinking that if he is good he automatically gets something.

    This morning was an especially bad for him. He took Jackson's binky while Hannah and I were attending to Evie and Britt. When Jack started crying I asked Sebastian what happened and he lied. Moments later he was hitting Kaidan! This is the first real physical incident. I don't understand where this behavior is coming from, and now it's not just directed at the babies. He was put in timeout, where he wouldn't stay, and was eventually moved into his bedroom. It took him thirty minutes to stop screaming and kicking the door! And this is a boy who is used to cry when he accidentally hurt his brother.
    When all was said and done I called my husband crying. I just don't understand!!!

    A family friend suggested PCIT to us, about a month ago. similar to what feberin is talking about... We've been doing the individual play time with each of the boys. When my husband gets home we take a few minutes alone with the kids supervised by Hannah and then he moves right into playtime with the boys while I finish dinner. We call it "Special Time with... (Mommy or Daddy)". Both boys love it! Would taking away that special playtime as a consequence for behaviors be reasonable?

    Mama to Sebastian, Kaidan, Evelyn, Britton, and Jackson

  2. #13
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    672
    Quote Originally Posted by sebastianrhys View Post
    A family friend suggested PCIT to us, about a month ago. similar to what feberin is talking about... We've been doing the individual play time with each of the boys. When my husband gets home we take a few minutes alone with the kids supervised by Hannah and then he moves right into playtime with the boys while I finish dinner. We call it "Special Time with... (Mommy or Daddy)". Both boys love it! Would taking away that special playtime as a consequence for behaviors be reasonable?
    We were doing PCIT I just left the name off of it.
    Mother to: Patrick Werner (3/10) and Mary Claire (06/12)

  3. #15
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    181
    Quote Originally Posted by feberin View Post
    We were doing PCIT I just left the name off of it.
    Do you think that taking it away from him as a result of misbehavior would help or hurt the process? We haven't seen a counselor or anything like that, just had the suggestion from a friend and researched it ourselves.

    Mama to Sebastian, Kaidan, Evelyn, Britton, and Jackson

  4. #17
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    372
    You might try giving him some responsibilities that have to do with the babies. Just little things at first, like bringing you a diaper or laying out a blanket. You should praise him for each and continue to let him know how much his help means to all of you. Mention his achievements to others as well and let him know that you nor the babies could do without his help. Pats on the back helps a child's self-esteem to grow.
    My sister did this with her son when she brought her twins home. He's 3 years older, and such a proud big brother to the twins now!
    Mother to little~Francine Annika~

  5. #19
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    442
    I was a behavior specialist in another career life, and I highly recommend the RIE approach. Janet Lansbury's blog is a great introduction to it: (this is a section regarding discipline) http://www.janetlansbury.com/categor...ior-parenting/

    It sounds to me like Sebastian needs his feelings validated a little more but is using these undesirable behaviors as a way of asking for that attention to his emotions. I would not advise taking away attention ("Special Time") as a consequence for his behavior, but rather, addressing his feelings directly and in the moment, and continuing to do so during those dedicated times you have for just him in your schedule.

    I've found that it's best to keep things very observational and reflective and allow the child to express himself while opening up the conversation, even in the midst of misbehavior and while setting limits. "Sebastian, I won't let you hit or take your brother's things. [physically stop him or remove from the area if need be] I see that you're upset. You're crying and using strong language [if that's the case]. Things have changed a lot in our family, and now there are more kids in the house needing Dad's and my attention. I know that you have some strong feelings about this. When you're calm, would you like to [read a book/go to the swing set/play blocks, etc.] with me?"

    Toddlers and young kids just don't have the emotional capacity to bring these issues up on their own in a healthy way. They are literally, physiologically ruled by their emotions, and tantrums and acting out are the only way they know how to express them. So instead of being punished, ignored, or isolated as a consequence for these behaviors that are an expression of their emotions, it's my opinion (based on RIE) that they need reflective acknowledgement of their feelings in order to learn how to process them. I highly encourage reading up more on RIE—every parent that I know who has implemented this philosophy has thought it to be life changing! Best of luck!
    It's a GIRL!! First babe, due 4/17.

    Arietta June, Guinevere Pearl, Cordelia Wynn, Felicity Catherine, Elowen Faye
    Mattias Leo, Leander Paul, Cassian James, Macsen George

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