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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Posts
    3

    boy name tug-of-war...anecdotes please!

    So I am 31 weeks along with our first boy. My husband and I still have not decided on a name. The issue lies with each of us liking one name more than the other. We didn't have this much issue with naming our daughter! Need advice on how others have handled the Great Name Debate...did you A) end up using the name you liked better; B) use the name he liked; or C) Picked an alternate each of you could live with?

    Background: I think I am pretty sound in saying that I have expended a great deal of mental energy these past months looking at baby name lists, trends, forums, etc. I think I have reviewed pretty much every boys name out there. The ONLY name that gives me a little "*ding* I think this is the One" is Grant. My husband dislikes it, namely for it being a single syllable name and he thinks it sounds clunky. He doesn't want to say he outright hates it, but he really would rather have another option. The name he would like to use is Alex. Now, I will go on the record saying I do like that name, whether it is Alex or Alexander- same difference to me. However, the main issues I have with using it is that 1) my BFF's daughter's name is Alexa, and we do see them regularly, and 2) unisex names are NMS (in MHO, if there is a chance my son could date/marry a woman with the same name or NM, I want to steer away from that). We cannot use the 2 as a first name/MN combo because the MN is already set in stone as something else! Ugh, I feel like at this point, HE needs to sell ME on another name because I seriously don't want to think about it anymore, but I also want him to be at least somewhat on-board with our kid's name!

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Vancouver, BC
    Posts
    779
    We had ultimate veto power over each other's choices. However, I saved ones he had vetoed and later on, they became 'his' idea somehow?? Which was just fine with me. In the end, we had two names that both of us liked pretty well but neither was a huge love. We waited to meet her and one of the names just 'fit.'

    I have a friend who had a huge struggle over two names, right up until the delivery day. She, however, kept saying that when the time came and he saw how much she went through, he'd 'give' her the name. And he did. I don't think that's entirely the right way to do it either.

    I'd recommend you each come up with three names (beyond Alex and Grant) and then each of you choose one from the other's list that you can live with. Then wait to meet him...

    This naming thing is so hard when your partner has a different style / doesn't listen to reason ;-) I feel you.
    Love love talking names... my 'style' is more classic but I do love some surprising choices too...
    DD1 born April 2013 has a mainstream name honouring 4 lines of her heritage + 2 mns (2nd is my surname)

  3. #5
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    24
    We had a hard time picking a name for our first. A boy. We ended up going with Miles Oliver. It was a compromise name. He vetoed at least three of my favorite names. I did the same with his. We didn't have a name picked until we met him. This time around (I'm pregnant with #2, also a boy), we had a much easier time. Probably because we both already had to give up our favorites.

    Good luck! I agree with the previous poster that I would generate more names and go from there.

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    8
    I may not be much help because I love the name Grant. I tried to sell my hubby on it for one of our twin boys. (He has an old friend with that name)

    I finally got my husband to agree to one of our boys names (still working on the other) by having each of us make a list of 20 names and we only got to veto 10. It made us think about each others choices alot since we had to keep 10. It just kind of opened the discussion more. That said I feel your pain! It is hard to disagree on names!

    Good luck and congrats!

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Nova Scotia, Canada
    Posts
    161
    We had a huge discrepancy in name tastes. we choose option C) from your choices. I would recommend that advice to any couple with this issue. Which at first sounds like settling but it doesn't have to be.

    My top pick was Agnes, admittedly old and clunky to most, and he preferred Kenzie (I would not allow a child of mine to be named that for all the money in the world, it epitomizes my naming dislikes). We just kept at it and searched and searched until we found a name that we both were open to. For us that's Josephine (We didn't get to use it because we had a boy but I hope I'm lucky enough to have a Josephine one day). I think what took so long to come to an agreement was hanging on to this feeling that I could only use a name that I immediately had a love for. I felt like "learning to love a name" meant I was settling.
    I did not like Josephine at first. It was "okay" at best, i'd say 5/10. My husband was maybe a 7/10. But for some reason it just grew on us and now we are both 10+ on it. Now we are looking for a boy name. I have learned my lesson and I add names to the list that I may not like (but don't outright hate) because I know I may be surprised in the end about how much I love it.
    Its like that dress you pass over on the rack because on the hanger, squished in with all the other dresses its ho-hum. But then when you force yourself to try it on and it fits just so its suddenly the best dress ever.
    Maybe I am a name nerd
    Edmund & Henry
    First born & brother from a furry mother

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