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Thread: Marriage

  1. #76
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    wherever I can make it
    Posts
    215
    "Spain, where it's unheard of to change your surname when you marry. I love how they do it there- you get your father and mother's first surnames as your surnames, and with an equality law, you can switch them around or use the less common one to be able to pass on a name in danger of dying out."

    THIS. This is exactly what my parents did. My mother is Dominican and French and my father is American. Generally you will find that Latinos/Hispanics have this custom. My last name represent me, a blend of different cultures and I love it, and I wouldn't change it. But also since, I only have one biological sister, Patricia, and she plans on chaging it when she marries, so I'm the one left too keep our last name alive. I have many half siblings respectively on both sides but none of them have our exact last name, and I would heartbroken if I didnt give it to my kids, ideally future DH would change his last name to mine and our kids would have my last name, but I know that probably won't be the case, I'm still keeping my last name and maybe future DH would consider hyphen name or double barrel. I was even thinking that if I had boys, they would take my last name and if I had girls, they take future DH last name. But I have a constant fear that who ever I get married to, will have a hideous/"Made to make fun of" last name. When I was in middle school, I knew a kid whose last name was Rajkovic and mean kids would call him Stephan "Rape-A-B@tch," it was terrible. So add that to another reason why I would change my last name...
    punctuality is a virtue of the lonely.

  2. #78
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    455
    If I am with my current boyfriend, I think I will put my maiden name as another middle name and use his as a last name. But my first name and his last name rhymes... So I dont know
    “There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.” - George Carlin

    Little Miss :: Lorraine Alice "Lori" ~ Harriet Catherine ~ Florence Clarisa "Flo"

    Little Gents :: David Walter ~ Aubrey Mark ~ Warren Keith

  3. #80
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    1,130
    Luckily I come from a culture where this is a non-issue. To start with in Portugal people more or less randomly inherit surnames from both sides of the family tree, rather than only the male-line (people have two to four surnames). Sometimes people add their spouses last names (a "tradition" invented in the 20th century that is luckily falling out of favor fast — nowadays it's usually both members of the couple who do change it).

    I always found it quite strange how women from Anglo-Saxon countries completely give up their own name after marriage (rather than keep it as a middle or hyphenate). It really is a cultural practise that is very hard to understand for an outsider. My grandmother, hardly a progressive feminist, was quite shocked when I explained that her niece dropped her 3 Portuguese surnames after marrying an American and that her US-born kids do not have any of their Portuguese grandparents' last names. In fact my grandmothers are always bitter that me and my siblings don't carry their any of their last names (we "only" have 3: our grandfather's and paternal great-grandmothers): they came from a generation when daughters almost always passed on their mother's last names, rather than their fathers.

    Personally, I always liked the suggestion of a famous geneticist: kids should have two last names, one indicating the matrilineal (Y chromosome) line and one indicating the matrilineal (mythocondrial) line. Siblings would have the same last name but daughters would pass on their matrilineal name and sons their patrilineal name. It's utopical, though. I wonder if with gay marriage people will start questioning the traditional ways of taking and inheriting last names.
    Last edited by sugarplumfairy; July 1st, 2014 at 01:25 PM.
    Arabella, Thibault, Sophia, Alfred, Eleanor, Rémi, Charlotte, Achille, Olivia, Clement, Elizabeth, Frederick, Maud, Benedict, Adèle.

  4. #82
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    110
    Wow, reading about everyone's experiences was super interesting, so I'll share mine. My husband and I started dating when we were 15, so we had a LONG time to ponder the last name issue. We agreed that [I]ideally[I] we would create our own smoosh name, but the options sounded terrible to us. Dittman+Morris=Dittis?Morman!? (No offense if one of those is your last name...) We thought about choosing a word/name that was significant to us, but never came up with anything and didn't think about it often. When we finally got married, I chose to change my name to match his because:
    1. We wanted to have the same last name.
    2. I never liked my last name at all.
    3. He is super attached to his last name.
    4. People address each other by their last names in his profession.
    5. I haven't made a name for myself professionally yet, which made changing my name easier. (We were only 21 when we got married.)

    If I had been more attached to my maiden name, I would have tried harder to come up with a new name for us both to share. Not sure if that is logical, but disliking mine and knowing he was so attached to his made it easy for me to agree to take on his last name.

  5. #84
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    1,599
    I haven't gotten married yet, but my mother kept her maiden name when she got married. She had been with dad for about 15 years before they decided to get married, I was in middle school, and my sister was about 4. It was mainly for my sister, as she'd been begging for them to get married. Since mum and dad had been together so long, it didn't make much sense for either of them to change their last name, but on occasion, dad goes by mum's last name, or vice versa, as they always have. Also, mum's parents had both passed away the previous year, and keeping her maiden name felt like keeping a piece of them still with her.
    Girls:Vesper Novella Pearl-Elke Esmeralda Snow-Nanetta Yuki Florence-Rowena Fern-Artemis Opal Owl-Cappi Theodora Sun-Dagny Petra-Oona Owl-Mary Max-Frances Henriette-Edwige Garnet-Alberta Benilde, Lolly Agnes-Bunny Maude-Lumi Faye-Dossie Moe-Capella Happy- Agnessa?-Birdie?-Zelda?-Flora?-Ginger?-Prudence?-Thalassa?.

    Boys:Roland Basil-Magnus Owl-Linus Robert-Frodi Lou-Obi Prosper-Enzo Noble-Cello Floyd-Dougal Morris-Horatio Albert-Grover ?-Hubert Walter-Rufus Rex-John ?-Joe Lazarus-Ernest Bede.

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