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Thread: Marriage

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    Mid-atlantic, USA
    Posts
    98

    Marriage

    A lot of people around me are getting married, and I've been watching to see what each of the women decide to do with their maiden names. One individual kept her maiden name because she felt that her name is such an important part of her that she did not want to change it. Another one dropped her maiden name altogether and added her husband's surname. Finally, one girl dropped her middle name, made her maiden her new middle name, and added her husband's surname. If I ever get married, I'd like to make maiden name become a second middle name and add my new surname (whenever I've mentioned this people are surprised at the idea).

    So, I was wondering what you berries have seen others do, what you believe you would do, what you did, or any other opinions about name changes with marriage.

    (Sorry if this is the wrong area for this question, but there wasn't anywhere that it seemed to fit.)

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Location
    West Michigan
    Posts
    2,266
    Everyone I know in real life has changed their surname to their husband's surname.

    I will definitely take my husbands surname. I'm undecided whether or not I will keep my maiden name as a second middle name or not.
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    My Adoption Journey

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,314
    I took my husband's last name. I always intended to, but when I got to doing it, I was incredibly upset and almost didn't go through with it. There was a lot of tears, and I felt like I had lost a bit of my identity; it was much harder than I ever thought. I'm the only one of my siblings that are married, and I grew up in a single parent household, with my mum and my siblings all being very close. So when I changed my name it felt like I was forgetting them and my life until then as part of their family, and joining my husband's family, who I really don't get along with.
    Too make it worse, my 10 yr old sister had asked me if I'm still her sister now that I don't have the same name- it was very hard.

    However, I am glad that I have the same last name as my husband. A few of my friends have kept their maiden name or even created a mash-up of the two last names in honour of starting a new family together. We played around with the idea of making our own last name, and now we call each Mr and Mrs Hilliams (mashup of both our surnames), but we never officially changed it.
    ~ Finally starting TTC October 2014! ~

    Austen Theodore|Elliott Hezekiah

    Charlotte Evangeline|Matilda Florence|Adelaide Elizabeth


  4. #7
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    1,129
    I hyphenated my maiden name and husband's surname.
    My last name has always been important to me b/c of who it represents, and it isn't weird so I have also always liked it. I really identify with my last name, it's who I am & I just didn't feel like giving it up was right for me. So by hyphenating them together I represent my family, my husband, his family & myself.
    I get some surprised responses as well not in a complete negative way but because not many ppl do it. One question I get a lot is, "What about if you have kids? Will they have 2 last names?" No, my kid will only have my husband's last name. My husband has gotten, "You let her do that?" I laugh...he let me?!!? That's not how our relationship works.

    I had another friend who really debating back and forth between hyphenating or just taking her husbands, she decided to just take her husband's but if she ever has a baby boy their first name will be her maiden name (it's a common first name for boys). I have know a couple of ppl who never changed their maiden name at all.

    I debated on making my maiden name a 2nd middle name but it just didn't work for me. You have to find what is right for you.

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Maine
    Posts
    481
    Me and my significant other have discussed this. He believes very strongly that I should have his last name, to show that we are one united family, especially since our child is (after a long debate) getting his last name.
    I, however, can't bear losing my last name. It is a part of my identity, especially since me and my family are so close. Also, in a profession where you are addressed exclusively by your last name, my last name is as much an identifier for me as my first name.
    To compromise, I will hyphenate. I tried to convince him that he should hyphenate as well, but he continues to refuse. Oh well, I will still have the best of both worlds, a name from the family that made me who I am and a name from the family I am creating.
    Mommy to a beautiful baby boy!
    Griffin Adam
    ~~~~~~
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