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  1. #16
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    221
    I actually think that you sound ready for a baby. It is a big step to take so I can also see why you have natural reservations and doubts about it.

    I am 26 and due in July and at times felt that compared to a lot of my friends I am starting a family late, but it was important to me to be a "grown up" and be emotionally and financially stable. 28 years old is not too late to start a family but if you want 4 kids I wouldn't leave it longer than that unless you want to be popping them out once a year!

    It is one of those things, really only you can decide and know what is best, but for what it is worth I think you sound stable, secure and mature and if you decide to go ahead and try for a baby then good luck!

    And an added tidbit - I am British but live in the US. I have travelled the world, seen a lot of amazing places and had great experiences, but absolutely nothing compares to laying here typing right now and feeling my son moving around inside me.

    Don't let envy of your friends fuel your desire for a baby, but don't let a trip to London dampen your desire either.

  2. #18
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    490
    In your situation, I would absolutely go off birth control and see what happens.

    Particularly because you want multiple children...do you want to be pregnant and give birth at age 40? If that appeals to you, I think waiting a year or so is fine. But personally I would want my family complete earlier.

    London isn't going anywhere, you could always bring your baby along (not quite a honeymoon, but fun nonetheless) or bring another family member along to help babysit while in London. Or push back the honeymoon by 6 months and shorten it! There are plenty of options
    Lillian Elizabeth 6.16.13

  3. #20
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    1,072
    Quote Originally Posted by truenature View Post
    Please consider this advice: Give yourself a year of marriage before you try to conceive. Your relationship will change when you get married. I don't know why it is exactly, but it happens to everyone. Give yourselves some time to adjust before you add pregnancy or babies to the mix.
    They already own a house together, so presumably they are already living together. They're already as married as you get without the legal paperwork. I just doubt that they'll get married and suddenly everything will be magically different. Also, assuming this is America, even just owning a house is a symptom of being decently financially stable. They also might not be the type of people who want to spend $25K on a wedding. Not every wedding these days has to put you into debt. People also get married later in life these days, and not everyone is thrilled about the idea of conceiving later in life too.

    I understand the concern with finances, as I usually say the same things, but I'm far more concerned with the amount of children she plans on having being financially and environmentally sustainable, much more so than *when* she has them.

    The "wait at least a year after marriage rule" is arcane and antiquated. It's advice from an era when living together before marriage was considered 'living in sin,' and luckily we're not like that as a culture anymore. A piece of paper doesn't make any relationship more official or important than any other- it's the individuals involved who do that.

    OP, if you feel like you finances and education are in a good place (and from your post it seems like you feel they are), and feel like you're at that place in your relationship (and it definitely sounds like that too) then go for it! Whatever happens with your honeymoon is really much less important than your future child! You could always book a shorter honeymoon trip (I did all of the UK in two weeks, you can definitely manage London in one), and you might like a bit of a break for a while, especially after the wedding. That's 2 weeks of uninterrupted full nights' sleep... you'll probably like the idea of that the closer you get to it. And who cares what the family thinks? Your life is about your choices, not making everyone else but yourself happy. If they're more of a "wait til its right" family like you say, then just tell them that this is the time that's right for you. If they don't accept that then they're less interested in what's right for you and more interested in what they think is right for you... which are often very different things.

    Good luck!

  4. #22
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    490
    I will say, while society may be over the antiquicated "marriage, house, children" routine, the American government isn't.

    And while you do have rights as a (technically) single parent, and it's certainly not difficult for an unmarried couple to have a baby, it is slightly easier for a married one. Being unmarried with a child can mean extra paperwork at the hospital, insurance-wise, during tax time, and so on.

    It's not enough where it would sway my decision, but something to keep in mind!
    Lillian Elizabeth 6.16.13

  5. #24
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    1,072
    True, the government does make things easier for married couples (which is why marriage inequality is such a big deal), but it's not impossible for unmarried couples to have children, and from what friends who have been on both sides of the situations have said, it seems to not even be highly significant a difference.

    Don't base life decisions based on what the US government tells you. A) Laws and regulations change constantly, and B) They're lying most of the time anyway.

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