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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    482

    How different are things the second time around.

    I'm in the TTC 2014 thread & maybe I should have posting there, but this kind of applies only to second time mothers & not specifically to brand new ones. Anyhow...

    I went into things with no expectations for baby #1. I didn't read much (cause that would've just made me more nervous) and I trusted & listened to my doctor about all things. I didn't make a birth plan, cause my thoughts were that it's not really something you can plan for. I ended up getting an epidural & having an easy-ish labor & delivery. I didn't even make plans about nursing, but it ended up working for us. I was sooo laid back & just waiting to see what happens.

    Now, with the potential for baby #2 becoming very real, I fear that I'm going to be a tough customer! I'm freaking out about being in a new state & unable to use my old doctor...I mean, commuting from NJ to Brooklyn for an OBGYN is too crazy, right? But I TRUST him! I'm totally afraid that an epidural at a different hospital will be stronger & I'll be unable to push & need a C section. I'm afraid I won't click with another doctor. I'm like 1000X more health obsessed & chemical paranoid now that I'm a mom too. And I think I'm too hung up on it all going the same way it did with #1.

    And yet, I also feel more confident/old pro. I'm not afraid of infants this time so I am so excited to get to care for one again! With my daughter it was all a blur and less about gazing into her eyes as it was about hoping I would get it right & not drop her!

    Can anyone relate?

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    1,172
    My family doctor no longer does births & I don't have a regular gyno so I just got referred to a Primary Care clinic with my first. I didn't get an epidural but Labour was easy & pretty fast & I had no complications - but due to a nurse mistake I was given Morphine too close to delivery & my daughter was really sleepy when she was born. Consequently she didn't eat enough, dropped temperature & had to spend her first night in the NNICU.
    Needless to say I didn't want that experience again.
    So with my second child I wanted be very carefully monitored & less likely to have silly mistakes like that - and also be less likely to have unnecessary interventions that could lead to cesarean or whatever. I hooked up with a midwife clinic & found the staff there to be very supportive and I was really comfortable with them. They answered all my questions, were clear about my options & helped me have a very easy, fast drug free birth with my second daughter.

    I was much more anxious my second pregnancy that my labour would go well. With my first I read a bit but not more than I had to, and I totally avoided the childbirth chapters! I was really laid back & figured things would just happened how they happen. With my second I was so worried that something would go wrong & there would be complications.

    I would suggest if you are REALLY nervous, to get a Doula! They are labour coaches & they will be there the whole time - they monitor you, advocate for you & you can get to know them ahead of time so you are comfortable with them before you go into labour.
    I didn't get a Doula because I am very vocal & knew I wouldn't want an extra person in my face unnecessarily, but I have friends who have used them & have nothing but good things to say about their experiences.
    New username is @ truenature

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    482
    I kind of want a doula because I got so lucky in the nurse dept and wonder if I could strike gold a second time! My nurse was like a doula for me & she was just wonderful. The one who was there earlier in my labor was gruff & unfriendly, so I know the possibility is there! I like the idea of ensuring that someone will be there to help me out.

    I am totally a don't touch me, look at me or talk to me when I'm in pain type. So I don't really want the support aspect in a back rubs & cheers kind of way. I do think it would be good to have someone in a place of authority who you know you work well with to advocate for you.

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    1,172
    Yeah some of the doctors & nurses are terrifying. Or (especially near the end of a shift) absentminded or seemingly incompetent. A Doula will only do what you want them too. Some women want the massages and pep talks and stuff during their labour & they are willing to do that, but if all you want is someone there to intervene and say "Um, no, this ___ isn't necessary right now" or to actually monitor the progress of your labour via listening to your breathing etc. I think a birth plan is fine & dandy but when you're in the moment you are under so much stress it would be nice to have someone making your desires & expectations known (or putting your options in plain english if issues arise), at least to put you at ease so you can relax & focus on getting that baby out!
    New username is @ truenature

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    4,515
    I find it so interesting that people who had a great experience their first time are more worried & nervous the second time around! I would have guessed it would go the other way-- a bad experience is more likely to beget worry, naturally.

    All other things being equal (same presentation, similar fetal weight, etc) a second+ labor is much much easier than the first. Your uterus tends to contract more strongly, earlier. The labor is shorter. The time to complete cervical dilation is shorter. Pushing is often more effective. You are less likely to experience vaginal tears. A prior vaginal birth-- *all else being equal*-- dramatically lowers the risk of c-section.

    As for your specific questions: re: the epidural, you can easily obtain your hospital records and see which medication (i.e. bupivicaine, bup+ fentanyl, etc) was used at which concentration and rate, and ask the obstetric anesthesiologist at the new place to replicate that. Perhaps your prior OB could recommend a colleague with a similar practice approach whom s/he thinks highly of-- and of course, you can interview multiple providers until you find one with whom you're comfortable. You could even try something like Angie's List.

    Personally, my second labor was a breeze compared to the first. Stone-cold normal experience. And it's been nice not to be paranoid that I'll break the baby. Much more enjoyable, many fewer panicked checks in the middle of the night to ensure she's still breathing.
    Blade, MD

    XY: AR
    XX: CVN

    Aquila * Chrysanthe * Emmanuelle * Endellion * Ione * Jacinda * Lysandra * Melisande * Myrra * Petra * Rosamond * Seraphine * Silvana * Theophane / Blaise * Cyprian * Darius * Evander * Giles * Laurence * Lionel * Malcolm * Marius * Peregrine * Rainier

    كنوز الصحراء الشرقية Hayat _ Qamar _ Sahar _ Maysan _ Iman / Altair _ Fahd _ Faraj _ Khalil _ Najid _ Rafiq _ Tariq

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