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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    657
    This is not sibling relationship based, but if you are birthing these children, the World Health Organizations recommends spacing of not less than 3 and not more than 5 years. Apparently, pregnancy risks increase with closer spacer than 3 years or longer spacing than 5 years.

    I thought that was interesting, since 2 years seems to be the default around here. I have also always thought this was interesting since age 2 is pretty universally understood to be one of the most challenging ages. Many of our mom friends have told us to adopt again sooner rather than later so that we can "get it all over with" more quickly. I don't want to get it over with quickly. I have really enjoyed my son's whole life. I know some people don't like the baby stage or don't like the toddler stage, but I have liked all of the parts so far, and I just want to enjoy all of it.

    Not to say that is anyone else's motivation for closer child spacing, just that this idea seems prevalent among the moms I know in person, that you want to get all of the baby stuff done with at once.

  2. #23
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    484
    I think that it's all personal. Siblings that are twins can grow up disliking each other & siblings with huge age gaps can end up best friends.

    My sister is 7 years younger and growing up it did feel unusual. I knew plenty of people with big age gaps, but it was usually something like 2 sisters close in age & their much older step sister or something like a family of 6 kids that range from baby to adult, but my scenario of only one sibling with a big gap yet sharing both parents was not popular.

    Basically, I was excited when she was a baby and as time passed we drifted apart. We reconnected when she was in late high school and struggling with coming out to my family. Even if she hadn't leaned on me during that time I think that when she moved out for college she would've been calling me for advice and we would've become close during that time. Now we're best friends!

  3. #25
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    3,169
    I think I would say 10 years apart is too much, but my husband is the youngest in his family of 4 and his eldest sister is 10 years apart from him. So I think 10 is too much between the first 2, that is if you expect the children to be best buddies. That most likely won't happen due to the age gap.

    My ideal would be 4-5 years apart. That way they both get equal amounts of attention when they need it... but I only plan on having one child since I didn't enjoy having a sibling at all...
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  4. #27
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    560
    Quote Originally Posted by tarynkay View Post
    I thought that was interesting, since 2 years seems to be the default around here. I have also always thought this was interesting since age 2 is pretty universally understood to be one of the most challenging ages.
    I think it's because people aren't necessarily thinking about the two year old their child will become when they decide to start TTC another one. If you have a two year age gap then you're probably starting to at least think about another one around the time your first is a year old. One year olds are pretty fun. Their personalities are really starting to come out, they're starting to communicate and they haven't yet developed that definite two year old streak. We've found a two year age gap to have some benefits (they sometimes play wonderfully together and share a lot of the same interest) but they definitely fight a lot and it was rough with a newborn and a two year old.
    For us another factor in the two year age gap is that it's impossible to predict how long you'll be TTC. It took us eight months to get pregnant with my son so when we started trying when he was a little over a year we assumed it would take a little while to actually conceive. We found out we were expecting my daughter two weeks to the day we started TTC. We were thrilled but were amazed that it had happened so fast. Of course many families have the opposite thing happen getting pregnant immediately or without trying with their and then spending awhile TTC their second landing them a larger then expected age gap.

    My brother and I are nearly six years apart. We aren't really close and I feel like at times I'm more of an authority figure to him then a friend. He's still relatively young (24) and still in college so perhaps after he's finished his education and out in the "real world" he'll grow up a bit and we'll get along better however we have very different personalities so we might not have been close no matter our age difference.
    Mother to: Patrick Werner (3/10) and Mary Claire (06/12)

  5. #29
    I always thought that less than 2 years is too close but more than 5 years is too far apart. My sister and I are best friends and we are 2 years and 8 months apart/3 school years. My husband and his brother are 4 years apart and are not nearly as close, but maybe it is just their personalities.

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