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Thread: So Frustrated and Confused
January 8th, 2014 09:57 AM #21Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
I think you are stressing yourself out too much. At the end of the day, this is your child. You are the one who is going to have to call out the name you choose for the rest of your life. You should pick something that you like. Yes, it is nice and comforting to have affirmation from a large group of internet strangers that they support your choice. Is it disarming when these strangers don't support your choice? Of course. It makes you wonder if you are missing something obviously horrid about a name that is apparent to everyone except you. This is not your situation. People are not telling you that your names are awful (because they aren't!). It's a matter of personal preference. Some people like these "nickname names" and some don't.
I happen to be in the first boat. I'm one of those people that if I have every intention of only calling my daughter Millie, then why would I name her a longer version of a name that I am not crazy about? To appease a group of strangers? No, that's not for me. My son has what could be considered a "nickname name" as his first name. When I first started asking Berries' opinions on it, a lot indicated that they liked the name but that they preferred a more formal first name. Did it make me question my choice? Of course, but I took what people said with a grain of salt and named my son the "nickname" as his first name anyway. Two years later, I see my son's name being suggested on here as a liked one syllable name frequently. Sometimes I am asked what his name is short for, but that doesn't bother me or make me question my choice for a second.
Also, it irks me when I see people stating things like "Oh, Gracie is a cute name, but it won't age well. I could never picture a Gracie as a lawyer, doctor, etc." Names aren't some predetermined factor of someone's successes or possibilities in life. My maiden name has a curse word in it and sounds like bald ass. That didn't stop me from going to college, getting a Masters, and having a successful career with the US government (of all places). Did I get teased for having the last name that sounded like bald ass? Yeah. Did it hinder my future? No.
Don't let others throw out your names. Your names can be described as "cute" (I actually like all of them except for Holly), but I don't think having a cute name is the end all end all. Another Berry stated that names aren't a life sentence, and I could not agree with that more.
Last edited by jebaldas; January 8th, 2014 at 10:06 AM. Reason: TypoD.S. lil Bam Bam
January 8th, 2014 10:27 AM #23
I'm going to try to be gentle because I know you are sensitive: If you post on a public forum you are going to get all kinds of opinions. Some will be good, some bad, some in agreement with you, some opposing. When you post ASKING for discussion/criticism/etc, that's what you're going to get. I know you have encountered some blatant rudeness before, which was uncalled for, but in general what I have seen on your threads is people respectfully giving an opinion you asked for. I feel a little like you are hoping for all of these opinions to match up and give you some universal guidance as to what you should name your child - but that is just never going to happen.
I've gotten criticism on pretty much all the names I'm considering, and I've gotten affirmation on all of them as well. I think when an overwhelming number of people comment negatively on a name/name combo it does serve as a wake-up call to take a second look and make sure that it really works - but when opinions are conflicting you have to chalk it up to the fact that we all have different taste. Isn't that what makes it interesting here?? In the end you have to choose names that YOU love, not names that will please the community.
January 8th, 2014 10:45 AM #25Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
I think you should go by what you like and what you want and not worry about what other people think too much.
Names like Rosie and Millie aren't really my style, I tend to find them a bit little-girly, but that's just me. It's really what you think that matters and if you like them and don't think they're too cutsie then go for it. I've known Rosies, Gracies and Millies (those are their full names) and the names work perfectly well for them so there's no reason why they couldn't work for your daughter.
P.S. I think Millie-Rose is a sweet name and is a good option if you're worried about cutsieness because she could always have the option of going by Rose if she wanted to.
January 8th, 2014 10:47 AM #27Junior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2014
a) If you don't like or agree with other people's advice for your child's name, then don't take it!
b) Absolutely not. You are unique and your daughter will be unique. Everyone does not have to fit the same cookie cutter mold! If you want to go your own way, then more power to you!
c) Agree that you shouldn't use a name you dislike just to get a nickname, BUT I don't think you can name someone a nickname and then have them go by the full name... because it's not really their name. If your given name is Maggie Johnson, you wouldn't go by Margaret. If your given name is Betsy Ross, you wouldn't go by Elizabeth. That's why if you want to have options, you generally give the more formal/full name (Grace or Rose) and they can go by either.
d) It's hard to give you advice because on the one hand, you should be able to name your child whatever fits your style, but on the other hand, you seem really hung up on what other people think of the name you pick. You are going to need to figure out what your comfort level is with going out on a limb.
My given name is a full formal name, but I have never and will never go by that name. It is, however, what is on my resume. I like having the option to use my full name professionally, even though I don't need to in my field. I would absolutely not want to be named the nickname everyone calls me. But that's me! After my experience, I'm planning on naming my daughter with a full name that doesn't need to be shortened to a nickname to sound good for everyday use, but that has nicknames our family could call her.
My advice to you would be to think about your daughter at all ages of her life. What will she put on her resume? What would her name sound like if she was President or a Supreme Court Justice? Will people take her seriously? Do you want her to always have the name you called her as a little girl when she's 30, 50, 80? Of course, you can and should take or leave this advice!
It will all come together! Remember that it is YOUR daughter and you can name her whatever feels right.
January 8th, 2014 10:57 AM #29Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2013
From my life experience, here's how it actually goes when you have a nickname-name, or cute name:
- Nobody in real life says anything negative about it, at least not in my experience. People on Nameberry feel more free to give their personal preferences first of all because you asked, and second because they're online, not face-to-face. But they are just that: preferences and opinions. Like art and music, there are very few objectively, 100% bad names - just ones that speak to you or don't. It's hard sometimes to realize that your opinions are just that - not the ultimate truth in naming. I prefer names that can be shortened to nicknames, but that's no more valid than somebody else's preference for a name that's already informal. What's funny is, the more into names I get, the more I can appreciate names that aren't my style. For instance, most surnames on girls aren't my style (eg, Campbell) and I wouldn't use a top 50 (or probably even top 250) name on principle, but I can appreciate why others like them, how carefully they are chosen, and the hopes for their children that people wrap up in their names. I get bummed when people say that they are more "snobby" because they're name lovers. I think it's okay to become more personally picky about your own list (I know I have), but I like to think that loving names should make you more accepting of other people's choices.
- In contrast, people usually make flattering comments about it being a "friendly name" or an "old-fashioned name."
- People may ask the child "is that short for anything?" The child says no. That's the end of that. It's pretty easy and painless. Sometimes people would ask me if my real name was Margaret or Mary. I'd say "no, just Molly."
- It's not any kind of a professional setback, again at least in my experience. I could go on about the misconceptions about "name bias" at length but it's probably outside the scope of this discussion.
- As others said here and I said in the other thread, some people will have a formal name and eschew it completely for a nickname. Others will have a cute name and long for a more formal name. There's no way to predict what your child will prefer. The best thing is to pick the name you love and realize that people on this website make up a very small and specific subset of the world at large.
Last edited by isolieth; January 8th, 2014 at 11:16 AM.Girls:
Catherine/Kathleen, Susan/Susannah, Anne/Anna/Annabeth, Jane, Margaret/Marguerite, Rose/Rosemary, Cecile/Cecily, Flora/Laura, Gwendolen, Paloma, Tabitha, Lucille, Beatrice, Harriet
Frederick, Hugh/Hugo, Wilfred, Basil, Augustin, Edmund, Arlo, Timothy