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Thread: The Mental Health Thread
January 18th, 2014 09:36 PM #61
Well. Where to begin. I guess I'll just start with this. On the outside, I am your average teenager. On the inside, I am slightly insane. After being bullied for a long time (see Bullying Awareness Thread), my life has been changed. The bully changed my self-image, which gave me depression, which gave me suicidal thoughts, which led to the voices. Yes. The voices. I am not going to diagnose myself with anything, but I do hear voices. The first time I ever heard a voice was in school. I'm not entirely sure what he/she* said, but none of my friends heard what I heard. This continually happened, until finally, I just gave up and got used to the voices. Sometimes, I can make out what their saying. No, they don't tell me to do bad things, like a little devil on my shoulder, but they don't tell me anything angelic either. Most of the time, it's random phrases like "The stars saw that" or "What about the train?" I have no idea what this means, but it really distracts me from what I'm doing. If you were to watch me throughout the day, you would see me talking to myself and muttering my thoughts aloud. Yeah, I get that it's weird. But, it's true and I can't help it.
Next, I believe that I am bipolar. I get periods of euphoric joy, where I can't stop smiling and talking and being happy. The next minute, I'm screaming and crying and won't let anyone touch me. This is really hard because my friends don't understand that sometimes I hate being with them and sometimes I can't stay away from them. My parents think I'm being an average hormonal teenager, but really it's a lot deeper than that. Somedays I wonder if life is even worth living anymore.
I've always had a fear of not being loved. I understand that my parents love me, and so do all my other family members. But I've always felt like this was just because I am their daughter/sister/relative, and they really have no choice but to love me. No one in my life has ever met me and loved me - not in a relationship kind of way, but just pure love. Not even my best friends. One of my good friends that I have known for years tells me everyday that I am beautiful, but then I hear rumors of her going behind my back and telling people that I talk to myself, that I'm too obsessive about tiny little details. The only true friend I have is amazing, but I still can't tell her some things, like my suicidal tendencies or the voices I hear. I just can't help my fear of not being loved.
So, I guess that's it. I have other secrets that I would rather not share online. Anyone can PM if they have something they would like to get off their chest but not tell everybody; I will reciprocate the act. Thank you.
*The voice is not really a distinct male or female, sort of a harsh monotone. Well, then I just contradicted myself, but really it's hard to explain. :/Erin (Writer, Nerdfighter, Ravenclaw; Not expecting, just collecting)
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January 19th, 2014 12:03 PM #63
I lived in an old Victorian for the past 12 years on a quiet street in San Francisco. It was an amazing house. I loved going in our attic and finding boxes of worthless stuff and making stories about it and just relaxing. One day last year in 10th grade (in May) I went up there with my best friend Emily, who had never known that our house even had an attic. We spent a good fifty minutes up there, and the first forty-five minutes we talked about regular best-friend stuff. We ate Cheez-its we had brought up and drank Dr. Pepper like we always did. And as I was chugging down the last sip of my soda I heard a faint scream. (The attic was completely insulated and you couldn't hear a thing that was happening in the street or outside in the city.) That scared us both, and we attempted to make a move to the door and down the ladder, but neither of us could move. The scream came back again, louder. And louder. It came back at least 5 times getting louder than it had been the previous time until the very last scream had been cut off in the middle of its shrill sound and we both felt a freezing cold space surrounding us. It was a 75 degree day and in no way could that frigid draft could have just come.
I was getting terrified, and I'm sure Emily was scared half to death. I tried to move and get towards the door to get down to the house, but I couldn't. I was frozen. There was nothing I could do to move. And right before I was about to faint, we heard a Darth Vader-like voice saying "you will never come up here again." That was the turning point. I screamed as loud as I could and stretched my muscles as far as I could. I finally broke out of the hold it was keeping me in and bolted down the ladder. Emily was behind me and she landed sprawled out on the laundry-room floor. We both ran as fast as we could down the stairs and to the living room.
That was undoubtedly the scariest day of my life. I began having very scary supernatural hallucinations at night and whenever I was on the second floor in the room underneath the attic. And they've never gone away. I still cannot find out why those screams and that low, haunting voice came. But that day will haunt me and just how vividly I remember that phenomenon is extraordinary.Catalina || 18 || College Student
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February 2nd, 2014 01:43 PM #65Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2011
I go through bouts of depression, and anxiety. I have never been diagnosed with anything specific really though. I am doing a thousand times better that I used to be. I'd say I've had this going on around 7 years. I can go from being extremely happy, about something and within literally the next minute I could be so depressed its shocking. I get nervous at simple tasks too. However, I have not gotten like that in ages. Thank God. I believe firmly that it has to do with my faith in Christ in how I am overcoming my situations, and difficulties; and I praise God that I am. Everyday I see huge changes, that I never thought I would have gotten through if I didn't have Him. He has never failed me on coming through I am blessed to have Him in my life. If anyone wants to talk to me about what I've been through or about God and what He's doing for me. Feel free to PM me. He can help any of you too if you are willing to let Him . God bless all of you who struggle with these issues, as I know for a fact it's not easy.Current Favorite Names♀ Gotham | Hessian | Salem
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February 21st, 2014 10:37 AM #67Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2013
Stumbled upon this thread and now feel obliged to partake...
-OCD (plug sockets/things being lined up straight - awful grammar I know)
-Social encounter disorder
-Post-traumatic stress disorder
-Body Dysmorphic Disorder
It kind of started in 2008 when I was 9. My great-aunt passed away and I was immediately diagnosed with PTSD. Ever since I've had nightmares each night since December 4th 2008 that are always of me murdering my great-aunt and my family turning on me and beating me.
I was diagnosed with BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) in 2009 and I started to have an unhealthy relationship with food and an obsession with my weight that November.
I became seriously anorexic and depressed in 2010, beginning to cut, burn and starve myself.
Schizophrenia became a massive issue in 2011 and has been since; as well as Ana I constantly hear other voices in my mind.
My OCD, anxiety, panic & bi-polar worsened as my anorexia and depression grew to be a more prevalent past of my life. I lost all of my friends; my eating habits deteriorated; my grades dropped and my weight declined rapidly.
In 2012, my self-harm grew worse. I began to self-poison, salting my cuts before I allowed them to heal up.
I met Alex in October last year. I gave him my knives and salt on December 4th and haven't had a nightmare or self-harmed since.
So yeah, that's my really gross story :S I burdened the internet fab haha :LLily Alice
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March 3rd, 2014 10:22 PM #69Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
Good for you OP for starting this post!!
I suffer from GAD (Generalized anxiety disorder) and Panic disorder. It runs in the women in my family and nearly all of us have it. It started when I was really young and presented as separation anxiety from my mother. throughout the years it has come and gone ( in periods that I refer to as remission). It was at its worst while I was attending highschool and university. In highschool i would get such bad panic attacks that I would become hysterical and physically ill on a regular basis. I could be sitting in class and then suddenly, bam, from zero to 100, I would be in a full fledged panic attack. Of course, most people who were my age didnt understand and my friends ( even to this day) tell me to just get over it. well gee, if it was that simple, I wouldnt need medication and therapy now would I? Thank god I have such an amazing support system ( mom and hubby). The worst part is when anxiety keeps me from doing things or going places that I want in fear of getting ill/panicking. I get so many physical symptoms, sometimes even I dont know when to take myself seriously. That scares me even further as I dont know how to tell when I am actually sick or not! I hate that... I hate feeling out of control. Having people to talk to helps a lot though...if anyone every feels like they need to talk, feel free to message me.