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  1. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    375
    This is a big thing for me. I have been married 3 1/2 years and haven't changed my name, and I don't want to. I find it such an antiquated patriarchal tradition for a woman to be expected to take her husband's last name. It all stems from a woman becoming a man's property and it is not common practice in many cultures. Why should I be expected to change my name simply because I am a woman that is married to a man? If a man pushed me to change my name to his, he wouldn't be the right person for me. It should be an open discussion between the people entering into the marriage whether or not one or both members will change their name.

    I like the idea of a cohesive family name, and would like to share the same last name as my children, but if I don't it doesn't make me any less their mother. DH and I discussed both hyphenating or both changing to a combined different name, but neither were the right choice for us. I kept my name, he kept his, and our children will have his surname. There are family members on both sides of are family that don't accept it, and think I need to change but ultimately, it's my name not their's.

    With that being said, I think it is completely a personal choice. Whether you change, he changes, both or neither, it is a discussion you should have, but don't let anyone pressure you into changing if you don't want to.
    Expecting our December Rainbow!
    Fiona/Ophelia/Daphne
    Apollo/Chance/Dhani/Beckett
    My fur babies: Toby and Trixie
    GP: Desdemona/Phadera/Cressida/Devereaux/Tybalt/Tiberius/Kai

  2. #13
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    2,224
    As many others have said, you have to decide what is right for you. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to this.

    For me, I felt it was right to take my husband's last name. To be honest, I never even thought about if I would or not. It was just always something I wanted to do. I love having the same last name as him and his children, plus our little one will have his surname as well. Although, I still use my maiden name initial often. For example, my username here is corajsb, Cora Julianne S(maiden name) B(husband's surname).
    Step-Mother to three lovely children - Josiah Lewis (14), Stella Evangeline (8), and Emma Catherine (4)

    Expecting Baby Chicken on February 3, 2014
    It's a boy!
    Rhys Andrew, Milo Andrew, Conrad Henry, or August Henry/August Charles

  3. #15
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    232
    I am not married, but my boyfriend and I have discussed this. At first, it turned into a terrible argument; he assumed I would took his name and I really didn't want to. Later on, the topic came up again and ultimately I agreed that I would change. Since he doesn't care much about names (a bit ironic), we agreed that I would most likely have about 90% of the say in naming our children. THAT right there is like a dream come true for me. I figured if one day I'll have that much freedom, I can grant him this.

    Well, that's my story anyway. Best of luck to you!

  4. #17
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,735
    Here's the link to a previous thread I created asking this question. There's another one that was running the same time as this (pretty sure that's the one where someone basically calls me a bitch for saying I wanted to keep my maiden name...), but I can't find it.

    http://nameberry.com/nametalk/thread...after-marriage
    TTC #1

    Audrey - Beatrice - Clara - Daphne - Jane - Margaret - Susannah - Violet

    Arthur - Barnaby - Edward - Frederick - Henry - Rupert - Theodore - Walter

  5. #19
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    9,657
    I don't understand this new idea of not taking your husband's name when you marry. I was perfectly happy with my maiden name and I am over the moon with my husband's name and wear it proudly. I am no less an individual because I took his name, in fact I feel like it was meant for me.

    I like the idea of women keeping their maiden name for professional or business purposes. I also like the idea of future children having mother's maiden name eg if it was Bennett then a daughter may be named Olivia Bennett + married name.

    If the husband had an ugly surname then I could understand the fiancee being a bit leery of taking that name but at the end of the day it wouldn't be a deal breaker.

    If you feel that you would be losing part of your identity if you took your husband's name, all I can say to that is rubbish!

    rollo
    Psalm 23

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