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November 6th, 2013 07:43 PM #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2011
I think it depends on how often you are having to deal with the tantrums. If dance class is only once a week I think you should see it through to the eight weeks and then reevaluate. If it's multiple times a week or you just have multiple activities a week you may want to scale something back, whether it's dance or something else. I'm not a parent but I'm a teacher and I agree with you, I think it's important that kids learn to follow through and not quit something right away. I can relate to your daughter though too! I never wanted to leave my house when I was younger but always had fun once I got somewhere. Now as an adult I am honestly grateful to my parents for forcing me to!
November 6th, 2013 10:22 PM #8
I'm only in university, but just wanted to tell you what I remember from my own childhood. My parents never made me do any extracurriculars. I could do whatever I wanted as long as I tried my best and was committed. When I started complaining about an activity or stopped showing commitment, they stopped signing me up and paying for it. I tried piano, gymnastics, swimming, skating and dance for varying amounts of time, but didn't love any of them. They wouldn't fight with me over it and I stopped. I ended up getting into horseback riding and theatre, both of which I really love. Now that I'm not doing either I actually really miss them. Anyway- my point being, it may work if you let your daughter take the lead on it. I'm sure she'll find something she loves.
If the problem may be that she's lazy and doesn't want to leave the house, have you thought of extracurriculars she could do at home? Like piano/other music lessons, art, a foreign language- things you could hire an instructor to go to your house to teach her for.
Or depending on the school she goes to, are there any after-school clubs, lessons or sports teams? I admit even today it can be harder to make myself do stuff if I have to go to another place to do it.~Love names, literature, royals and horses~ <3
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November 6th, 2013 11:07 PM #10
I know that I am a teenager, but as a kid I remember being able to tell my mom what I wanted to do, she'd sit me down and talk about if that's what I really wanted and commitment, and then I'd give it a go. If I liked it, i stuck with it. If I didn't, we didn't keep signing me up for it next time. I remember having friends who's moms forced them into sports and other activities they didn't really have a desire to be engaged in, and they weren't ever happy to be at practice. I remember how happy I was that my mom never forced anything on me.
Just my thoughts!! Good luck!!
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November 7th, 2013 08:56 AM #12
A uni student here - not a parent yer. I guess, its hard to determine what you should do because yourself and your partner know her better than we ever will.
When I was younger, I never did any extracurricular activity, at ALL. I went to daycare and then to school; but for memory I was never enrolled in anything. I'm not scarred by it by any means; but I feel it truly is important. I am guessing the reason my parents didn't force me is because they wanted to let me decided when I was able to. I think making friends outside of the realm of school and having something to do rather than sit at home was something I could have benefited from. When I was really little, it was fine because I had a big family, so I was virtual kept occupied a lot of the time. But in high school I really struggled to fit in, I never found a group that "got me," I was always being stood up when we'd organised to do things... so I'd end up at home watching movies with my mum. As much as I love that because of what I was going through I grew closer to my mind, it would've been nicer to have an outer group of friends, completely disassociated from school all together. A lot of the kids in those extra curricular activities remain in them for years, so I feel like I could have made a great friend there, and it would've helped me to feel more comfortable about jumping into to new experiences. I went to ballet for a year; but the attitude from the girls in my class made me decide to leave. I did go on to do work in the school drama department, choir, worship band etc. but it was all still related to school, you know? But I did love it.
I think maybe the best thing to do, would be to make her see out the tuition that you've paid, and then sit down with your daughter and husband. Ask her how she feels about the classes she's taking (when she's not in tantrum mode) if she says she likes it then ask what she likes about and what she dislikes. This may give you an idea into what exactly triggers her attitude or behaviour. If she says she hates it all together, calmly explain to her about why you and your husband feel its important. I think she should still do something, so I'd suggest if she says she hates it offer her one more move to a new extra curricular activity, and that will be her last. Maybe even sitting down and working through the oppositions together will make it easier on both of you. I hope this helps a little - Good luck!
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November 7th, 2013 03:11 PM #14
My mother always had the rule that once she paid, I was enrolled and had to finish to the end. At the next season I could choose a different activity if I didn't like it. I started softball and cheerleading at the same time, and when I was seven I decided to stop enrolling in softball (it was really embarrassing to not have the hand-eye coordination to hit the ball). I stuck with the cheerleading, and constantly complained about the practices. With each new season I signed up, and even joined more teams. 18 years later, I coach two different teams.
I think my mom's consistency with the rule of finishing out the season really made an impact. I found it really helpful throughout high school to be involved, because I was exposed to a lot of different kids, and made friends from other schools. It also kept me busy, and healthy.xx - Claire Elisabeth Lynne - Maria June - Abigail Margot -
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