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Thread: Family Planning and Society
November 3rd, 2013 02:42 PM #11Junior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2013
- Texas, USA
In my opinion it depends on your situation. It sounds like you and your boyfriend are in a great place at the moment but perhaps it's not the right time to get married just yet. As quite a few other people have said, if I were you I'd wait to get married until you've finished college. I married my husband aged 19 and although we've had some rough patches we've come through okay and now have 3 kids. To be honest I wouldn't advise marriage at that age. Also there's no rush to have kids, you're both young and you need time to work through everything and get to know each other completely before you take that ultimate step. As Sarah said, are you living together? That would probably be the best route to take right now before you talk about weddings etc. What are you studying at college for? A stable job is very important for bringing up kids and you'd be surprised by how much they cost, especially as they get older!Married to Owen, July 17th 2007
US Marines wife and proud <3
Momma bear to Indio Garrick nn Indy ~ 08.29.09
Orson Carlo nn Sonny and Rohan Jericho nn Roe ~ 10.30.13
And not forgetting the six furbabies! Floyd Furble, Elmo "Momo", Maggie Moo, Ziggy "Zigpig", Rudy Roo and Kavik "Jaws" - deploying to Afghanistan 11.17.13 with the hubby xx
November 3rd, 2013 04:55 PM #13
First off, I know you said you are worried about people making judgments, but unfortunately people will make judgments no matter what you choose. Some will say you married too young, but if you marry older, people make comments about waiting too long (trust me). If you have children early, you're not responsible enough, but if you have them later, you're "too old" to run after them. So don't make decisions based on what other people will say. :-)
Secondly, maybe you need to focus on one thing at a time. If you and your guy want to get married, then start by working on that. Yes, young marriages do tend to have higher divorce rates than those between older people, but you can choose to work hard on having a solid marriage to combat that statistic. You may want to do premarital counseling or read marriage books together to work on things. It seems like you are both mature and in a good place in your relationship. I don't see any issue with college students being married if they're mature. The only time I get irked by "that annoying college girl that's engaged" (as you said) is when young women act like it's all about the dress, wedding, the presents, the setting up a household, and neglect the idea of marriage.
Once you're married, maybe in a year or so (seeing as engagements are typically a year or more, though ours was considerably shorter), you can rethink whether you want to have kids right away. You'll already know how much you spent on your wedding and how much was left over, and how close you are to being financially ready. If you're really feeling the urge to be a mom, you might consider taking extra credits so you could graduate early. Sometimes being in a place where you feel ready to start a family can motivate you to work harder to make that possible.
Just a word of advice, don't forget that this economy sucks. Many people with a college degree still have trouble finding a good job. Most of my classmates ended up doing a second degree or certificate after graduating to be more competitive. I've also seem the spouses of several friends get laid off from good jobs, so you are wise to be building a financial base. Be realistic about your financial and career goals, especially if you're figuring your future earnings into the equation of being ready for a baby. Yes, you can always go back to school after having a baby, but you don't want to be forced to do that because you find that you've over-estimated your earning potential. You may want to talk to a career counselor or get in touch with recent graduates in your field to figure out what your situation may look like so you can figure that into your plans.
Man, I sound like the Grinch, but I am really just trying to be helpful. I wish you the very best! :-)Estella ~ Helena ~ Miriam ~ Beatrice ~ Anastasia ~ Ivy ~ Marilla ~ SarahPaul ~ Wesley ~ Walter ~ Edmund ~ Isaac ~ Abram ~ Gabriel
Trying for baby#1
Avatar: Nathan Altman, Portrait of Anna Akhmatova
November 3rd, 2013 05:48 PM #15Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2013
There is never a perfect time to have a baby. There is always something else you could be doing like getting a better job, saving more money, traveling to some exotic location or having a larger house. You can make things work with a lot less then some people feel that you need for a baby.
However it's also not something to rush into if you can help it. If having a college degree is important to you then I would focus on completing that before starting a family. College doesn't have to just be parties either there are other things you can do while in college such as volunteering or traveling during breaks. I also think you should focus on taking things one step at a time. If you want to get married I also strongly encourage you to start by living together. If that goes well get engaged then get married. It's also important to consider how long you've been together and how well you work together in stressful situations since having kids is quite stressful at times.Mother to: Patrick Werner (3/10) and Mary Claire (06/12)
November 3rd, 2013 05:51 PM #17Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2013
I would have to say no. Anyone can raise a kid, but these days its mainly teenagers having babies. I'm all for babies. My cousin had hers at age 17. She was basically a mother already, she has a 4 year old brother. But since you two feel that you are both in that place I say go for it. But remember the idea of a baby is totally different than having one. That's like I personally have 7 years of college left, technically, and I just hate the fact that my mom thinks I have to wait after college to get married, and have kids.
Basically my opinion is be prepared to face reality. But I think it's amazing when two people are both ready to take their family to the next level. Regardless of age.
November 3rd, 2013 06:47 PM #19Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2013
Thank you all so much. This has really helped me get my thoughts together. I will share some of these suggestions with my boyfriend. I really appreciate all the different opinions you have all given me. It gives me a clearer head than when I get advice from family or friends.