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  1. #1

    Family Planning and Society

    I've always believed in the more traditional family planning rules: financially stable, married, etc. I'm not saying that people can't do it different ways, but that's something I wanted for myself. I've been with my boyfriend for 4+ years, and our long term plan was to get married when I was out of college and then start TTC as soon as financially possible. I have at least 3 years left of school but he has been working full time making decent money. Basically, long story short, we are currently ahead of where we originally expected to be at this point in our lives. We're still young, but we spend a lot of time with people a little bit older than us, and honestly, we're just over the whole college party irresponsibility days. As everyone around us is settling down, we are realizing we want that too. We are mentally ready and almost there financially. Regardless, I don't want to be seen as that annoying college girl that's engaged. I don't want my marriage to be whispered about as hopeless because we are young. And I don't to look like a young girl with babies who had to get married or something. I never care about what people think, but am I being unreasonable in any way this time?

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,841
    I don't think you're being unreasonable. I totally understand wanting to be financially independent and married before trying for children. Those things were important to me, too. And I get that you don't want people to think badly of you for being married young. But the reason people think marriages of young people are more likely to fail is because, well, they are. Statistically speaking, 60% of married couples under 25 are likely to get divorced (and I got that statistic from Dr Phil, so you know it's true!). I'm not saying you and your boyfriend are doomed for divorce, I'm just saying that if you wait a bit longer (even just a couple of years), you'll know each other even better and your marriage will be more likely to succeed. Do you guys live together? Maybe think about taking that step if you haven't yet. Honestly, I don't think you should get married, or even engaged, until you finish your college degree. You shouldn't try for children before you finish college (because you'll never go back) and you're so young there's no rush. When you're young (teens and early twenties), it's easy to feel like there's no point in waiting, but once you're married and have children, that's it. You can't change your mind. I got married at twenty-eight and did completed two degrees and travelled a lot before marrying. I lived in another town and lived by myself for a few years. I learnt so much and I wouldn't have had those experiences if I married young. Again, I'm not saying break up with your boyfriend or anything! I'm just saying I really think you guys should wait for a few years. I'm thinking you're only nineteen, so you have SO MUCH time ahead of you. Good luck
    TTC #1

    Audrey - Beatrice - Clara - Daphne - Jane - Margaret - Susannah - Violet

    August - Barnaby - Edward - Frederick - Henry - Rupert - Theodore - Walter

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    684
    My husband and I got married at age 22 after dating for three years. We had maybe two thousand dollars between us when we got married. But we have always been in agreement about finances and responsible with our money, so starting out with nothing wasn't a problem.

    Honestly, being married made the rest of college and grad school go much more smoothly. And I am sure that some people thought it was hopeless, but our family and friends were all supportive. Twelve years later, we are still super in love and very happy. We now have a two year old son (it was not our plan to wait this long to have kids, but life doesn't always go as planned.)

    Anyhow, if you and your boyfriend are in love and ready to make a lifelong commitment, go for it!

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    684
    @sarahmezz

    We were totally dumb kids when we got married. But we grew up together after we got married, and I'm glad it went that way. After we got married, we moved to LA, I managed a bakery for two years, I earned my law degree and my husband earned his masters in architecture. We traveled all over the country and to Europe and Africa.

    I think that the difference was that we were not able to have kids on our timeline. I know that people continue to do amazing things after having kids, but I know that for us, it would not have happened that way. Once our son was born, our priorities changed a lot and we haven't wanted to go anywhere more exotic than his grandparent's house.

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    797
    I think you have to decide on an individual basis. The average young couple probably went stay together, but that is based on several factors that all influence each other.

    I'd strongly recommend premarital counseling. It's been shown in studies to reduce the divorce rate in couples, and help provide a more firm footing when beginning a marriage. In it you discuss problem solving strategies, communication helps, etc. Something a lot of people don't realize is that marriage is a big, stressful step. Even couples who have been together for years will have new struggles when they're married, and learning how to deal with those things healthily is really good.
    I hope to be a mom one day. For now I enjoy being a name lover.

    My apologies for any typos; i post from my mobile phone.

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