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  1. #1

    Family's negative reaction. I am not alone!

    Have any of you berries known that your name choices are perfectly okay, until being criticized, causing you to second guess yourself??

    I've been following NameBerry for years, and now I am actually pregnant (and due in about 2 months). From what I have seen, a lot of you berries have gone through this same situation, so I am reaching out! I would really appreciate for those who can relate to give me some insight.

    My Husband and I are both the "black sheep" of our families. I've always been the eccentric cross-between-Buddhist-and-pagan-esque-type wild child. And my Husband, well, he's just a unique soul and talented musician. We joined forces to come up with the perfect list, with potential middles, and a variety of imagery. (Because you just don't know until you meet your little one!) The sex is a surprise, so we had a great time creating and balancing "the list".

    Over a family gathering during dinner, we shared our list. (I KNOW, I know, big mistake). A few distasteful comments were made, and I'm just feeling very emotional about it.

    DISCLAIMER: Our names are not crazy, or will hold back our child in a professional career. The middle name spot was placed for the more out there type names that are symbolic for my husband and I. The themes or our names were nature, alchemy, gems and stones, flowers, astrology/astronomy, and mythology. Also name with a righteous meaning that spoke to us.

    They are simply, just not my family's "style", and is essentially, a little off beat. I don't want to post the names up, so please don't ask. My family has always been critical of me, and this pregnancy has been very stressful due to some of their words. And this was another disappointment.

    So my question is, how did you let go of second guessing yourself (hormones, you are NOT helping.)

    Thank you for those who took the time to read this!

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    683
    I'm sorry you had such a negative experience. First, it sounds like your families are just not quite the same - lifestyle, taste, etc. - that you and your husband are. So the first question should be how much credence you would give their opinions about your decisions if we were talking about anything else. If the answer is none or not much, just try to remember that this situation isn't really any different. Second, ask yourself whether they have taste/opinions that you generally respect and/or agree with. If the answer is yes, consider their criticisms, but with a grain of salt! But if the answer is anything less than yes, then this is just one more way in which you and your families have different tastes.

    Out of curiosity, have you shared your names with anyone else - trusted friends, etc. - perhaps someone who has tastes that are closer to yours? That might help (if you have such a person you can ask who will be kind and respectful toward you). Sometimes balancing a negative experience with a positive one makes all the difference.

    When I receive a negative criticism of a name I love, I chalk it up to different tastes. Only if I get the same criticism from several different people do I worry about it. In this case, it sounds like you aren't necessarily surprised by the reaction and that harsh comments about the names you're considering haven't been an occurrence outside these family members. It also sounds like you're confident that the names are not only ones you and your husband love but also names that will serve your child(ren) well throughout their lifetimes. Take a few deep breaths and let that be enough.
    TTC
    Why yes, I probably should be working!

    Benjamin * Sebastian * Ezra * Edmund * Henry * Hugo * Cormac * Andrew * Winston * Levi * Zev * Theodore

    Arabella * Aviva * Ariella * Maeve * Matilda * Eleanor * Catherine * Charlotte * Beatrice

  3. #5
    That was very leveled advice, and is much appreciated. You are absolutely right!
    I have indeed gotten many positive responses to our name ideas. But there is something different when it comes from the family. I sense that I still seek their approval for the feeling of acceptance. I need to let go and shine brightly embracing my own family now.

    Has anyone else gone through this...?

  4. #7
    The hubby and I had a similar experience. However, I'm glad my mom talked us out of our #1 girl pick, which I've grown to dislike. We ended up picking something with a similar sound, which mom, dad, and some extended family approved of. It worked out well for us, and we love the name we chose. But I'm kinda upset we didn't go with something more distinctly Pagan-ish (nature names like Jasper, Zinnia, Rosemary, Sage tickled our fancy, as well as God and Goddess names such as Cerridwen, Diana, Odin, or Freya) or something from our UU faith heritage (for example: Clara, Emerson-- for a boy, Walden, Olympia). The middle name is the perfect place for something a little more unusual. Contrary to what some nameberries think, a truly unusual name *can* hold a person back in life-- I've posted about it in the forums before, and there is the scientific research to back it up.

    With future children, we have agreed *not* to discuss with our family or friends any of our name ideas. I don't need the stress of second-guessing myself while coping with raging hormones! I also don't want to deal with name regret. I love my daughter's name, but I would have loved to have given her a slightly more exotic name.

    As long as your kid isn't being named Moon Unit, Audio Science, North West, Marlboro, or Feenyxx, don't let other's opinions sway you.

    Best wishes, congrats, and don't listen to their opinions. My parents, myself, and extended family strongly dislike my nephew's name, but once they met him, they can't help but adore him

  5. #9
    Also thought it is important to add that my parents are devout Christians, and we obviously are not. So as @freya_1983 said, you can assume much of their feelings about names can be attributed to their background. For example, my hubby and I are generally against using Biblical names, unless in the mn position as an honor name. We feel that because we're not Christian, it's not OK to use names from that faith tradition, unless we have a very meaningful reason for it.

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