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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    103

    Honour names post-divorce?

    Hi all,

    This may not be an actual issue as we may have a girl or change our minds but I'm pregnant so I am stressing about it!

    Hubby and I have agreed that our next child will have a mn from my side of the family. If it is a girl it will be from my mothers side and if it is a boy from my fathers (either his mn or his fathers fn). We didn't specifically choose to do it gender-wise but that is how the names have panned out.

    Problem is that my parents had a very acrimonious divorce (30 years ago!) and my mother still has not let it go. I know that if I name after my dad's side she will be furious. I expect never to hear the end of it. I'm not sure she would be grown up enough to leave the child out of it.

    I am feeling really angry at the unfairness of the situation (ie that her feelings get primacy). The thing is that I really love my dad and he would be thrilled. I also love both of the potential names. I haven't talked this over with her (as I don't need the stress - after all we may have a girl) but I am pretty certain of the reaction. I wanted my dad to 'give me away' at my wedding and my mum made such a fuss that I walked down the aisle by myself, I have always regretted not holding my ground. I don't want to make the same mistake twice.

    What do I do? Has anyone else had to do this? I don't want to pick some obscure reference and hide the meaning behind it (this wouldn't work anyway my other kids have family middles).

  2. #3
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    1,091
    My gosh, how sad for your mother to be hanging on to negativity for 30 years. What a silly way to spend your life. Girl, STAND YOUR GROUND. It is high time your mother got over it. Your father makes up half of who you are, and I think it's horrible when parents let their own issues with their previous partners forget that fact. If I were you I'd have had a stern conversation with my mother years ago. He is your father. He helped create you. You exist because he exists. Your mother should be grateful of those things. Without him, you wouldn't be here. Do not allow your mother to hijack your emotions or manipulate you for one second more.
    Artemis Willow ☀ Cordelia Avalon ☀ Isabeau Forest ☀ Isadora Nightingale ☀ Lorelei Ondine ☀ Lyra Snow ☀ Pandora Everild ☀ Tabitha Eilonwy ☀ Thisbe Wildrose ☀ Thora Silmarien
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    writing a novel and preparing for the baby making
    our two furbabies: Sebastian & Oleander

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,428
    I'm very sad for you - what an awful situation!
    But really - this is YOUR baby and you can name her whatever you please. I think it would be gorgeous for you to use an honour name for your father - you love him and he loves you and it would be lovely for him to feel that he has a small piece of himself in your baby!
    Don't allow your mother to make you feel guilty. Tell her that if she's rude about the name she's banned from seeing her grandbabies
    Best of luck and congratulations!
    Last edited by jem; October 30th, 2013 at 03:29 AM.
    I'm 19 with a furbaby named Frederick

    * Beatrix * Clementine * Penelope * Seraphina *

    * Theodore * Hugo * Caspian * Arthur * Lysander *

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Midwest, USA
    Posts
    371
    I have a friend whose parents are like that. Her mother won't go to birthdays or holidays if she knows my friend's father will be there. That woman has purposely missed most milestones in her grand children's lives and so many opportunities for happy memories to some how "punish" her daughter for inviting her ex-husband. It is very sad that one parent would let his/her dislikement for the other overshadow his/her love for their child. Ultimately it is your mother's problem to get over. Try not to stress.
    "Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes."
    -Walt Whitman

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    London, England
    Posts
    5,340
    Quote Originally Posted by redwoodfey View Post
    My gosh, how sad for your mother to be hanging on to negativity for 30 years. What a silly way to spend your life. Girl, STAND YOUR GROUND. It is high time your mother got over it. Your father makes up half of who you are, and I think it's horrible when parents let their own issues with their previous partners forget that fact. If I were you I'd have had a stern conversation with my mother years ago. He is your father. He helped create you. You exist because he exists. Your mother should be grateful of those things. Without him, you wouldn't be here. Do not allow your mother to hijack your emotions or manipulate you for one second more.
    This is what I was going to say, so I'm just copying and pasting here.
    My darling Marian Illyria Aphrodite, March 2013 & Little Bunny (a girl!) due 9th of February 2014

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