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Thread: Help! Family Name Thief
October 15th, 2013 04:47 PM #11Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
Like other posters have said, Rose is a family name. So I see why she would want to use it too. I would suggest telling this cousin how you would feel if she used the same name for her little girl. I understand that you both want the children to be named after a grandparent, but how about you suggest she hyphentate Rose onto whatever name she chooses, or use a name with the same or similar meaning. What about asking her to think about Rose's middle name? Those are just my suggestions. I hope all goes well. Good luck!!Favorites:
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October 15th, 2013 05:07 PM #13Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2013
I'm sorry, but I have to agree with those who said that your (husband's) cousin has as much right as you to use the grandmother's name. It IS her own grandmother. Plus, these kids will be 2nd cousins, not even first. I could understand you being more upset if this was your sister or SIL, but in the grand scheme of things, a 2nd cousin is not that close of a relation. (I'm saying this from the perspective of a pretty close family where we do keep in contact with our cousins and their kids.) ALSO, the name is technically not exactly the same: Rosalie / Rosie vs. Rose.
I DO have some sympathy for you, as, yeah, we all want our kids to be the only ones around with their name, and I'm sure I would be disappointed in your situation. But, I just really don't think it's fair to claim all Rose___ names for yourself when it's a family name. If you wanted to have the "rights" to exclusive uses of the name and all variations, you shouldn't have picked a family name. (and, let's face it, some people won't respect your rights to the name even if it's not a family name....you just can't control what other people are going to name their babies!)
I don't mean to sound harsh, but I do think the right for your cousin to honor her own grandmother trumps your right to have Rose/Rosalie/Rosie only for your daughter. Personally, I think you'll be happier in the long run if you take the high road of not making a controversy about it, but quietly hope that she ends up having a boy, choosing another name, or using Rose for the mn. BUT, if she does go ahead and name her daughter Rose, you can be gracious, start calling your girl Rosalie around the family if you want to differentiate, or just make the best of it. My guess is that, if you are positive about it, your daughter and the cousin will both not mind and be happy to have a special cousin thing together of having a similar name. (My impression is that it's often the parents who are more bothered about their kid's name not being unique than the kids.)
For some perspective: I'm named after my aunt. We have the same first name and the same nn that gets used by family members. We are together 1-2X/year in family gatherings, and, yes, occasionally it's a bit confusing, but usually it's not hard to figure out who is being addressed even in group situations. I love sharing my name with her, and wouldn't trade that for a little less confusion at family gatherings. Also, my cousin named her daughter after my sister, which everyone loves and nobody is terribly confused by. Of course, these are both cross-generational name sharing situations, and I'm sure it would be more confusing if you have two cousins who are the same age....but still, it can just be fun and funny if you make the best of it.
October 18th, 2013 02:36 PM #15Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2013
I totally understand why you are upset - and I assume that with a history of already butting heads it feels purposeful and hurtful. My first reaction was that you need to call her and let her know it's not your favorite idea (I think she could have been feeling you guys out like another poster suggested), but after reading the other posts, I agree that she has the right to use the name and it probably isn't worth making a fuss. Your daughters have beautiful names and having a cousin with the same or similar name won't take anything away from your sweet Rosie.
On the other hand, I would LOVE to use the name Josephine for this baby, but my cousin has a Josephine, so it's off our list (family name) and I am probably going to name this baby Estelle, but all of the El- nicknames are off the table because my husband's cousin has an Ella (family name). So we are looking at Essie. So, while I don't think you'll get very far trying to stop her from using it, I can't imagine doing that to one of our cousins.... I get why you're upset. Hang in there!Luckiest woman in the world!
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October 18th, 2013 03:58 PM #17
I just want to second everything the pp loisvs said, that's some very wise advice! The girls themselves will probably get a kick out of it and I think family harmony trumps the "stealing" factor.Christine
Pregnancy #1: lost to mc, 10/11
Amelia Joelle arrived on 11/28/13 at 7 pounds, 4 ounces of pure beauty. Couldn't be happier to finally be mommy!
October 19th, 2013 11:12 AM #19
Catherine & Kathryn, and one of their moms is Katherine (Kit) and their grandmother was Katherine (Kay)... and great grandmother was Katherine/ Katarina. Everyone survived just fine.
I don't think it's a big deal for cousins to share a name when it comes to honouring family. If you named your daughter Princess Consuela Bananahammock, and then the cousin said, "Yeah, I will too!" then I could see there being a problem
I understand where you're coming from, but if I were told I wasn't allowed to use my grandmother's name because my cousin's wife said so, I'd be pretty upset.
That being said the cousin still had 4 months to decide and may very well change her mind, or put Rose in the middle.Lucia
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