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September 17th, 2013 05:39 PM #11Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
- London, England
I'm wondering now if we're abnormal or if only the good thinking mature couples are replying.
Husband and I fight a lot. We don't scream or throw things, well, almost never, I smashed a bowl once because he drove me up the wall. We fight and then the air's clean, it's like a thunder storm. I love fighting, it clears my head. We don't fight because we're more annoyed with each other than other people, we fight because that's how we work through things. Emotions are validated, we know we love each other, but fighting works for us. But we're passionate physical people, we express ourselves through actions more than words. I don't think artists can be calm, collected and poised during disagreements. And I honestly think I'd feel less loved if he didn't fight with me... We don't bicker too much though. I've become used to the fact that he's unable to throw his laundry into the basket, and he's fine with the *occasional* spilling of tea in bed. We have separate bathrooms, that probably helps a lot. I don't think we fight more after Roo came along... I think it's about the same. We've only had one huge fight in the time we've been together (almost two and a half years).My darling Marian Illyria Aphrodite, March 2013 & Little Bunny (a girl!) due 9th of February 2014
September 17th, 2013 06:04 PM #13
My SO and I rarely even argue. The arguing definitely hit it's peak in the first few weeks of moving in together, but has since cooled off.
He tends to walk away when we begin to argue, which is good, but it drives me even more crazy =P He always comes back when he has thought things through (usually after an hour or so) and then we can talk about whatever it is that is bothering us!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Magnolia - Rommely - Shae - Margaret - Jay - Cora - Malle
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September 17th, 2013 06:19 PM #15Livy/Lucy : Geneva/Gwen : Coralie/Alice : Noelle/Eve
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September 17th, 2013 06:28 PM #17Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2013
I'm also thinking we're quite abnormal after reading these posts
My fiancé and I argue ALL THE TIME. We are both extremely opinionated, stubborn, and quick tempered people and so we express those parts of our personality to each other because we are in a relationship where it is safe to do so. We don't typically scream or throw things, though our arguments are probably a lot more heated than the average couple's.
Personally, I LIKE that we fight. I've been in relationships before where the lack of arguments and intellectual/emotional push and pull left me feeling quite bored and unfulfilled. I need a partner who can challenge me and one of the ways in which my fiancé does is through arguing. Whether it's about politics, what house we should buy, his overbearing mother, or me singing while I do housework, we can argue/fight about it and let all our feelings and opinions be known in a cathartic way. Once we are done fighting and everything's out in the open we go back to snuggling on the couch and everything's fine. It's definitely not how every couple is but it works just fine for us.
September 17th, 2013 07:22 PM #19
We went to premarital counselling which I think really helped our relationship. It just helped us establish roles and expectations, our financial and parental goals and things like that. I highly recommend it if you are, or are planning on, living together.
Yes, we argue. Or rather, I argue and Corey just waits til I'm done arguing. It is usually just me feeling emotional & taking it out on him (because he is so patient and I feel safe with him and I know I can vent at him and he will still love me). It never lasts long, we rarely argue about anything major, and we don't bring up stuff from the past or anything like that. I realize I am being immature, but in the heat of the moment, damnit I just want to be HEARD.
It totally helps to know as well what your MBTI personality profiles are. If you have never taken the MBTI test just google it & you can take it free on the internet. My type is ENFP (Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Percieving) and Corey's is INTJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging). So basically my type, ENFP, is outgoing, and I make my decisions based on emotions and "gut feelings". I'm a people-person, I get excited about things easily and I like change and variety. And Corey's type, INTJ, is very logical and matter-of-fact. He plans things out, and really thinks out every possible scenario when he makes his decisions. He is rather shy and quiet, and he likes structure and efficiency.
I think he loves me because I keep things interesting for him, and I love him because he keeps me grounded.
If you find out your types, you can find out all sorts of things about how best to communicate with one another, jobs that suit you, your relationship styles and what your parenting styles will be and things like that.
Sorry if that seems off topic, but I do think it is really helpful!Azula Rosemary 1 July 2012
Expecting 2 January 2014