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September 17th, 2013 01:10 PM #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2013
How often do you and your SO argue/disagree/fight?
Just wondering...I don't have a ton of relationship experience, so I'm wondering what's average or "normal".
How often do you and your SO disagree to the point where one or both of you is irritated with the other?
What about an argument?
What about an actual fight? As in heated words, things like blaming each other, bring up past issues, etc.
Did the frequency change after children or with time passing? Or something like moving in together, etc? Do you have the same issues, or do you typically solve them and fight about something else next time?Lillian Elizabeth 6.16.13
September 17th, 2013 01:33 PM #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2013
My husband and I bicker almost daily, but we almost never fight.
When we were just dating we never even argued, but when me moved in together that changed.
I felt like we fought a lot more when we lived together as boyfriend and girlfriend than we do now as husband and wife.
The longer you are with someone, the better you get to know them and know yourself, and I feel like my having a great understanding of him as a person, and his great understanding of me as a person has really helped in our ability not to let things escalate into fight territory.
We always fight out the issue until we both feel better, when we do fight. I don't like leaving loose ends.
September 17th, 2013 01:36 PM #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2011
We don't really fight, we get upset and maybe say some negative things, take the huff, snap at one another, but don't have shouting matches or real fights. we maybe have an argument once every few months, sometimes over long standing issues that we just cannot agree on.
It's probably increased a bit with the kids coming, but that's because sleep deprivation and the extra work load and stress makes it worse. We've been together 20 years and only had proper fights, shouting, etc, a handful of times.Mum to Mousie, Foo, Bumptious and Pudding.
September 17th, 2013 01:39 PM #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
I think a an occasional fall out is normal and healthy. It means the couple are comfortable and secure enough in the relationship to communicate their issues to the other person, without being afraid of hurting their feelings.
We rarely have blow out screaming rows, I can only think of one or two that were awful, and were caused by a very serious issue that I won't even get into. Most of our fights are silly little tiffs that last 10 minutes before we forget about them and move on.
We do argue about the children more than I would like. He tends to say yes to something after I've already said no several times and it drives me absolutely insane, I don't want Amelie going to daddy when mummy says no. We should be a united front, but he feels guilty about his long working hours and finds it difficult to say no to her because of this.
He thinks my mother is too interfering, though they get on really well. I go mental when he leaves wet towels on the floor and heads out to work without picking them up. It annoys him when I wear false tan because the smell of it disgusts him. I hate how he leaves empty cups of coffee all over the house. I could go on :P
Most of our fights are a few heated words, we sort it, and its forgotten about. One of the biggest issues I had with past relationships was no being able to move on from fights. Nothing was ever resolved because the last argument was brought up again and it was impossible to get through issues because of it. For that reason, when we argue, we don't bring it up again as soon as we resolve it. It only creates more negative issues.
The frequency definitely changed when we had kids. Mainly because we were both exhausted and I was very emotional for the first few weeks.
We never scream at each other, though. I find if either of us are in a temper we're more likely to say things we don't mean in the heat of the moment. For this reason, if we're having a big argument (not just a "For goodness sake, not another wet towel!" argument) we take some time to cool off and gather our thoughts before sitting down and talking it out. I find this works much better for us.
Mama to Amelie Clara (2008) & Daisy Madeline (2013).
Alice Tallulah, Polly Matilda, Rosalie Faye, Lucy Annabel, Maya Lillian, Hazel Kate, Eva Blossom, Juliet Lila, Ivy Camille.
Charles Joshua "Charlie", Theodore Samuel "Teddy", Elliott Daniel, Noah Zachary, James Oscar, Arthur Philip, Rowan Isaac.
September 17th, 2013 01:47 PM #9
Honestly, my husband and I never fight in the "scream at each other" sense. We have had disagreements and miscommunications and angry moments where we might need to walk away for a while and cool down, but (and I'll admit, this is more him than me) we will not just "let things go". If it bothers him, he tells me. If he disagrees, he tells me. If he doesn't like something, he tells me. When we first got together it drove me insane, but I appreciate it now. I tend to hold grudges and hold on to things until I blow up, but he can't do that so it has helped me be more open about things.Zoe Milena