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Thread: Ttc 2014

  1. #26
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    1,091
    Danger sex. Haha!

    Does anyone else feel the terror I feel? It's not so much fear that I'll be a bad mother, I'm scared how our relationship will change with children in the mix. How our lives will change. I know we'll grow and change and it all sorts itself out. Maybe it's sorrow I'm feeling? We'll be saying goodbye to this wonderful life where it's just the two of us. We have our routines and patterns and I love our life so much. We'll make new ones with children, and I'm excited about it, but I feel such a strange mix of loss and fear when I think about how our life is now and how it will be after babies. I'm not sure I'm making sense, and this is the first time I've put "voice" to this feeling I have so I'm still figuring it out. Anyone share this feeling?
    Artemis Willow ☀ Cordelia Avalon ☀ Isabeau Forest ☀ Isadora Nightingale ☀ Lorelei Ondine ☀ Lyra Snow ☀ Pandora Everild ☀ Tabitha Eilonwy ☀ Thisbe Wildrose ☀ Thora Silmarien
    Caspian Wilder ☀ Conrad Elessar ☀ Damian Sparrow ☀ Desmond Thorn ☀ Evander Hart ☀ Everett Ward ☀ Gwydion Alaric ☀ Malachi Bjorn ☀ Peregrine Llyr ☀ Theodore Winter


    writing a novel and preparing for the baby making
    our two furbabies: Sebastian & Oleander

  2. #28
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Oregon, USA
    Posts
    807
    Fey - YES. I love our lives with our random outdoor adventures and bunny snuggletime. I know we won't just be able to go on random camping trips when we have shared days off without more planning, and I worry about how our relationship dynamic will change as well. I think I am afraid I'll lose some of my freedom and optimism that I can change the world single-handedly! At the same time, though, what better reason to try even harder to make a difference in the world than to have a better world for my kids to live in?
    Current Favorite Names for Little Beastie due October 2014:

    Sequoia Gideon
    Cytheria Dwyn

  3. #30
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    475
    I didn't have the foresight to experience those thoughts and feelings when I was pregnant with my daughter! I sort of wish I had, but I was so caught up with the trying and the changes my body was going through. I was really living in the moment. And once baby got here it was quite an adjustment and I was surprised by how much we both changed. Of course there were challenges, but it all evened out within that first year and I am so impressed with my husband as a father. I think that when it comes to travel with a baby and such it really isn't impossible and it all has to do with your lifestyle and choices. Especially if you're a driver. I didn't get a car until baby was here and it was such a game changer! But really, we hike with my daughter in a hiking backpack and have been doing that since she was 5 or 6 months old. She still fits in her pack at nearly 2. Dynamics change, daily life changes, but it is so much better than never challenging or changing your routine in my opinion.

  4. #32
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    548
    Redwoodfey- yes!!

    It just so happens that within the last 2 weeks or so, my husband and I have had about 5 different people (strangers and friends/family alike) ask us if and when we are going to have kids. Every single person said that "things will change" drastically. One random lady at Moe's told us that things will change more than we can ever imagine, not in a good or bad way, but just change.

    I don't know if it was the amount of times I heard it or what, but it totally freaked me out! I also don't want to lose the impromptu dinner dates and sleeping in together sort of things....

    I try to remind myself that people have children every day, and things have a way of working out.

    Also, very good friends of ours were actually due 4 days ago with their first. I'm going to kind of observe them and talk to her to see how things really are when that first bundle of joy arrives. And not to be rude towards them, but I have a feeling my relationship with my husband is stronger than theirs is, so if they can do it, I think we can do it!!

    Eyes on the prize ladies
    "Pretty is something you're born with. But beauty, that's an equal opportunity adjective."

  5. #34
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    1,091
    SO and I have talked about this a little bit, but more in the sense of how exciting it will be to rediscover everything through the eyes of a child. On our last camping trip for instance we were talking about how fun it would be to teach our children all the things we take for granted, lighting the fire, setting up the tent, purifying the water, etc. And it will be exciting. I look forward to finding magic in all the simple things we've done a million times.

    I suppose I need to talk about my fears with him. For instance, right now he is my world. He is the most important person to me. I would literally die if it kept him safe, and it breaks my heart that once we have children, he might not be number one. And then I think, well, he still can be number one, and then I'm filled with guilt and shame over that, admitting that my children might not be the most important thing. I know they will be, but that makes me sad. Does that make sense?

    Tara, when you say you were surprised at how much you both changed, do you mean changes within, or changes in your day to day life? Would you mind giving examples if the former? Part of my problem is I'm an over-thinker and need to feel some sort of control over my life. Honestly, children will probably be good for my own growth as a person, but some days I'm so crippled with fear over the matter I just want not to have children, except I want them so badly. Ugh. I can already tell I'm going to be a mess my whole pregnancy. I need to sort this out so I can have as little stress as possible while pregnant and TTC.

    @asche
    you posted at the same time as me. I'm honestly feeling better knowing that other women feel this way, too. I was feeling like a freak for having these secret thoughts. I'd love to read your observations of your friends. You make a good point about having a strong relationship. Our is as well, and we've been through some doozies and came out stronger than ever, so I know we'll be fine. But. But! There's still that fear.
    Last edited by redwoodfey; November 14th, 2013 at 07:08 PM.
    Artemis Willow ☀ Cordelia Avalon ☀ Isabeau Forest ☀ Isadora Nightingale ☀ Lorelei Ondine ☀ Lyra Snow ☀ Pandora Everild ☀ Tabitha Eilonwy ☀ Thisbe Wildrose ☀ Thora Silmarien
    Caspian Wilder ☀ Conrad Elessar ☀ Damian Sparrow ☀ Desmond Thorn ☀ Evander Hart ☀ Everett Ward ☀ Gwydion Alaric ☀ Malachi Bjorn ☀ Peregrine Llyr ☀ Theodore Winter


    writing a novel and preparing for the baby making
    our two furbabies: Sebastian & Oleander

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