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  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    587
    Before my son was born I told my MIL that they could come to the hospital after the baby was born but I didn't want to have her waiting and expecting to be invited back for the two hour window that you get with the baby right after birth before they take the baby to get a bath and all. She was clearly upset by this so I agreed to let her come. In the end he was born in the middle of the night and nobody was in the waiting room waiting for him. We called my in-laws immediately and they arrived near the end of the two hour window. I was happy to have them there. However we did ask that they not be at our house when we came home from the hospital that we just wanted it to be us. She stopped talking to us for a week and we had her friends asking us why we were keeping the baby from her even though we called every day to ask if they wanted to come over. It finally blew over but we've never been as close as we were before my son was born. However I don't think I'd change anything. My MIL likes to be in charge of everything and make all the decisions. It kills her that we don't let her make decisions for our children. So if hadn't been the disagreement about them being at our house when we came home it would have been something else like the time I refused to let her give my four month old wine.
    I really liked having visitors after our children were born. We welcomed anyone who wanted to come over but we didn't get that many people. I'm not one to stay in the house during the day so several days at home were not my cup of tea. Having visitors made it a little less boring and I loved showing off the baby.
    Mother to: Patrick Werner (3/10) and Mary Claire (06/12)

  2. #13
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    1,172
    We didn't want our stay at the hospital to be a parade of people coming through. We deliberately delivered at a hospital in another town so people would be less inclined to pop in, and we only notified a handful of people when we went into labour. I made it clear with our parents that extended family any further than our parents or siblings and their kids were not welcome to visit us in the hospital.
    I also made sure my baby shower was held before the birth because I didn't want my daughter passed around.
    Thankfully Azula came on Canada Day which is the big summer holiday for us here. We missed all the celebrations because I was in labour that day, but had she come earlier I would have probably made an excuse and bowed out of any large family parties or whatever.

    Only you will know what's right for your baby. Nobody will/should be bitter with you for bowing out or asking to reschedule.

    First time moms statistically tend to deliver after their due date, maybe you can mention that to your MIL as well, if she decides to stick with the plan she's made or tries to pressure you. Obviously it will be more important to her that you & baby are safe & happy & have a chance to recover than that she gets to show off her precious little grandbaby.
    New username is @ truenature

  3. #15
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    188
    Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences! It's interesting to hear about how people feel differently about things like letting others hold the baby, having a lot of visitors.

    Since this is the first time for me, I'm not sure, but my gut feelings are that
    1) for the labor/delivery itself, I only want DH, MY mom, and possibly my sister present. Having the MIL, SIL, etc, etc in the room or even in the waiting room seems stressful, like I have an audience or pressure to "hurry up and have the baby."
    2) getting a good start on breastfeeding is really important to me, and I'm not the kind of person who wants an audience when I'm trying to learn something new, or will necessary be immediately comfortable with everyone seeing my boobs all the time. (Though I think breastfeeding in public is totally acceptable and people should get over their hangups about boobs, I also think it will take a little getting used to.)
    3) I certainly want support and help, which is why we have made decisions to try to ensure the immediate family, both my side AND the in-laws, are around for the first weeks.
    4) I am not preferencing my family over the in-laws; I am preferencing immediate family on both sides over extended family and friends. I'm not trying to make plans with MY extended family for Christmas! I'll also be excited to introduce the baby to those people...but I tend to think those first days/weeks are a rather sacred, and potentially that I will feel vulnerable and exhausted? So I imagine wanting I will want quiet and peace, and I won't be ready for anyone else to meet and hold the baby for a week or so. But perhaps I'll be surprised?

  4. #17
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    1,172
    I remember when my nephew was born the whole family waited around at the hospital during the delivery, and at the last minute there were complications (he pooped on his way out & he had a little jaundice) so they whisked him to the NNICU right away. We obviously didn't get to see or hold him, and my SIL was so exhausted and scared after the delivery that something was wrong/upset that they had taken him away she was really in no shape to see anyone. Of course everyone paraded through her room anyway to tell her congratulations and say everything would be okay - but I knew if it were me I would just need a big cry and some alone time with my husband.

    We told people that we were in labour, but also told people we would let them know when the baby got here / when we were ready for visitors they could come to the hospital then. While I laboured it was just me and my husband there. I didn't want an audience, and I knew in high anxiety situations I have a short temper (my mother especially can really drive me nuts) so I thought it was best for us that way. Some people like the support of having family there for them but I think its awkward having everyone (even just immediate family) there just waiting, and there's really no point.
    New username is @ truenature

  5. #19
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    491
    I'm really really glad my SOs parents were at the hospital when I delivered. As a first time, young dad, he was very nervous and needed the support as much as I needed my parents there, maybe even more.

    I also like that when I tell my daughter her birth story, she'll know how excited so many people were to meet her.

    We still got about 2 hours of alone time with her before anyone was allowed in, to get her nursing and such, and no one stayed very long after the birth.

    It also broke up my (long) labor when the family could pop in briefly from the waiting room. The nurse always came to ask first, so if you don't want to see them during they'll just say you're sleeping or with the doctor.

    So, I'd consider letting DHs parents and maybe siblings at the hospital for those reasons
    Lillian Elizabeth 6.16.13

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