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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    188

    Newborns and Holiday Plans

    So, I am due with our first on Dec 18th...which means our full term "due window stretches" all the way from 37 wks right around Thanksgiving to hitting 42 wks on New Years Day! Talk about inconvenient for holiday plans...!

    Thinking about this because had some rather surprising and upsetting emails with the MIL lately related to Christmas plans...I'm still not sure if she just didn't think about the fact that the baby may arrive ON or AFTER Christmas, or that we're most likely going to be sore/recovering/exhausted/getting used to breastfeeding. But, since I'm so aware of the fact that the baby could really come ANYTIME in that window, it was surprising to find out what the MIL expected we'd be up for for Christmas. (Basically, a family reunion with her side of the family where everyone gets to meet the baby...there's several other complicating factors in this, including that we will be temporarily living with the MIL who would basically be hosting this reunion...)

    So, now I'm really curious what you mothers think about plans for the "due window" or immediate post-partum days, especially if you've experienced this around holidays or major family events. It seems obvious to me that:
    1) all plans need to be loose and flexible because there are so many variables,
    2) only the immediate family (my parents, DH's parents and both of our siblings) have any "right" to meet the baby within the first week or so of the baby's life (others could if we' decide we're feeling well and up to it, but out-of-town aunts and cousins shouldn't be planning on flying into town, expecting to hang out with a 2-day-old baby),
    3) that most likely newborns and new mothers (especially first time moms) need mostly peace, quiet, time to bond without a lot of people wanting to hold the baby, and some amount of control over who is visiting.
    4) It's stressful to imagine a lot of out-of-town relatives visting if I'm overdue or actually in labor. It seems like added pressure: "when is that baby going to come?" "why hasn't it arrived yet?" "weren't you due a week ago?"
    5) I would absolutely never consider induction just for the sake of convenient timing for holidays, not for any truly medically necessary reasons. Having the birth of our first child be as natural and safe as possible is far more important to me than celebrating one Christmas in many....and is it selfish to assume that's objectively more important than the DH's aunts getting to meet the baby at Christmas?

    but maybe these are just my perspective/expectations? Do others feel differently about it? Were you totally fine with distant in-laws coming to visit immediately after the birth? Or hanging out in the waiting room while you gave birth!? How much right does a birthing/new mother have to be picky about holiday plans that affect various family members? Did you induce for the sake of timing around important things?

    Super curious aobut what others consider normal and acceptable regarding these things.

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    2,022
    As I am not a mother, and will probably not be one for approximately another year, not sure how much my opinion counts for.

    I think that any and all plans need to be loose and flexible due to the fact that the baby could come at any time. It is extremely ridiculous to assume that a new mother is going to want a whole lot of people around when the baby first arrives. I plan on only having family, my parents and sibling, my husband's parents and siblings, and DH and my grandparents seeing our future child in the first week or two. Most people, well, I think anyways, should respect that fact that a baby has just been born, and that at first it is a learning experience for being a parent, for the mother and the father of the new baby. I would suggest discussing this with your husband, perhaps, he can gently remind your MIL that the baby could possibly have just been born, or not have been born yet and that maybe the Christmas plans for this year could be a little less elaborate due to the impending birth of the baby.

    Hoping that all works out well for you!

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    300
    Id say if anything with the family they should have had a earlyer get together or save it for easter.. I personally didnt want a ton of people thinking they can come play with the new baby. & no one understood hey she needs to sleep, everyone wants to touch the sleeping baby & poke & awe which I get but half the time they woke her up & thrn thought that intitled them to holding time.. honestly the first week I got aggravated with the 'mil' at the time because even tho she wad trying to be respectful I didnt want to hand her over & I couldnt imagine a bunch of people you never even srr in that first week or two, if be hiding out in the bedroom honestly.

    Your not gonna know how you'll feel. I wouldnt want a ton of new people sooo early on touching & poking the baby and hoilday colds & its definitely a rough choice. Did you try taking with your mil about the whole ordeal, I mean yeah everyone ptobly has good intentions but no one thinks clearly about a newborn I blame the excitment. Except while theyre incoherent woth excitment your overworried & extra precautions as a new mom.

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    3,962
    I was due Jan 18 with my daughter who decided to show up a few days after New Years! I refused to do out of state for Christmas & New Years and everyone thought I was being ridiculous and passive aggressively let me know it. I welcomed all of the immediate family to come to my house for super low-key festivities on those days. I just made a big pasta dinner & bought dessert, no booze, no extras, none of the well-loved traditions/baked goods/ect. And everyone made it clear to me how much those things were missed.

    Basically what I learned is that you have to decide what's best for you & your baby and hold to it. Don't be afraid to say no...and even better, say, "You're making me feel uncomfortable when you keep asking me to do something that I already said no to." I find that plenty of people ignore the word no, but when you unemotionally tell them that they're making you feel uncomfortable they usually back off, cause really who wants to make anyone feel uncomfortable? Only total jerks!
    Good luck. Don't be afraid to say no! Know what your boundaries are and make them clear to others and stick to them! Good luck!

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    2,031
    I'd say this is a year for people to stay flexible and come to you if they want to visit! You may not be able to travel anyway, my OB didn't want me more than an hour from the hospital for the last month...I think that's pretty standard.
    mom to livvy jozefa 7.10.13

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