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  1. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    Eastern US
    Posts
    86
    Quote Originally Posted by lineska View Post
    ... my OB didn't want me more than an hour from the hospital for the last month...I think that's pretty standard.
    THIS!

    Even if your OB hasn't mentioned something like this it could be a helpful to point out to your in-laws. I'm a neonatal nurse, not an OB, but I am perfectly fine with parents "blaming the doctor" in situations like this, especially if it will help easy hurt feelings or what not. I know it is not exactly the same but there was a patient a few years ago that was visiting the area where I work for the holidays, went into labor and gave birth about 2 months prematurely, and then had to figure out what to do because they were visiting form the southwest, the father only had a certain number of days he could take off work, the family members they were visiting didn't have room for long-term guests, etc. and the baby could not be transferred to a hospital nearer to their home until he was stable enough. It was quite an interesting time.
    * A Nameberry Nightmare*


    Mr. Fry: So, what should we name him?
    Mrs. Fry: Uh, you pick. I picked dinner last night.
    Mr. Fry: Well, I was thinking of Philip. After those screwdrivers?
    Mrs. Fry: That's a great idea! More morphine, please.

  2. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    226
    You simply cannot make a solid plan. There are way too many unknowns! Even if the baby is born and ready to meet relatives by Christmas I personally feel it should be extremely limited! Immediate family for short visits only. A newborn simply does not need all that exposure to germs and noise. When my first daughter was born I let DHs family come visit and they took it too far with aunts and uncles and so forth. I learned, and with my second daughter I set the rules... Immediate family only and if I did not feel like passing her around or someone held her too long I would simply keep her or take her back. I find when you tell people you need to nurse the baby, they scatter :-)
    Everything you stated sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Remember this is your child and you call the shots. If people get angry, let them, they'll get over it. Good luck!!

  3. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    490
    My daughter was born mid-June, so not around any holidays. She came exactly 1 week late.

    She had TONS of visitors in her first two weeks. Just at the hospital alone, while I was in labor, we had:

    My parents
    My brother
    My Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin
    SO's parents
    SO's stepparents
    SO's brother and sister
    SO's uncle and aunt
    My best friend + her boyfriend

    That's 16 people!! Then, in the next day before we went home, we had:
    three other friends
    SO's OTHER aunt and uncle
    SO's three cousins
    Three of my mother's coworkers (she works at the hospital where I give birth)

    It was ridiculous. I was happy to show her off, and it was nice to have so much support, (we didn't let everyone who came in hold her, everyone washed hands, etc...plus she was past due and I was breastfeeding, so not too concerned about sickness), but looking back, I would not do that again for one reason only:

    I think it caused more difficulty in my breastfeeding. If you plan on breastfeeding...they'll say your baby needs to eat every 2 hours. Chances are early on she'll want to eat every hour. Or 20 minutes. And even if she doesn't act hungry, you'll want to practice latching and let her nurse just to get the hang of it as frequently as possible. And even if you're comfortable NIP, it's not super easy to start off and the last thing you need is 10 family members around telling you how to do it and watching you flail your breasts around trying to feed the baby. You also want to do skin-to-skin, so it's not like later on when you can just discreetly lift your shirt and nurse.

    If I ever have another baby, only our immediate family will be welcome at the hospital. And only our immediate family and closest friends will be welcome at home for the first two weeks. Not because it's overwhelming or germs or any reason other than to get the hang of breastfeeding.

    If your MIL wants to have a big holiday-to-do, is there somewhere quiet (like the second floor or wherever) that you can go be alone with the baby for the majority of the time?
    Lillian Elizabeth 6.16.13

  4. #12
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    188
    To clarify: I think my particular situation is fairly under control. It's difficult to figure out since we are currently long-distance and the MIL is not a great emailer, but it seems like she may be scrapping the Christmas family reunion plan after I tried to rationally explain my discomfort with the idea, explain all the potential variables and complications, and suggest Thanksgiving as an alternative. My MIL loves us and overall we have a good relationship (otherwise I would not consider staying at their home during the time of the baby's birth!), but I was just so taken aback that she had started making plans with extended family during that time without even mentioning it OR asking what the plans were with my immediate family. (Um, don't my parents and siblings have a bigger claim on Christmas/the first weeks of the baby's life than the extended in-laws...?)

    ANYWAY, I don't think I need advice right now about how to deal with this situation. (Hopefully...though it may be helpful if the idea comes up again!) But, it made me really curious about what you all have experienced and what you would consider normal expectations for family/relatives after a birth, and general feelings about the immediate postpartum days. How should I expect to feel? Is it normal to be really picky about who is allowed to be around/meet the baby and when? Who has the right to expect to be around for the birth or immediately after? I was so surprised at my MIL's assumptions, and since I'm a first time mother, I'm a little curious if I'm just being paranoid or overdramatic or acting like the world revolves around me...even though she seems to be changing the plan, I'm not sure if she's hurt or thinks I'm blowing this out of proportion?

  5. #14
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    3,962
    I think everyone is different and I'm not sure if how I reacted is typical or normal.

    During the birth it was just me & my husband. I let my whole family in while I was in labor & I would've said no if I had a do-over. I just wasn't as good at asking for what I needed at that point. It was actually my husband who told them they had to leave when it was time to start pushing. I am so glad he did! But maybe you will want tons of support from various people. I am more of a "don't look at me, don't talk to me" type when I'm in pain.

    I wasn't reluctant to let people hold her. I let my parents & in-laws, my sister & all of the friends that visited in those first weeks. My daughter mostly slept through it! She was more wakeful in the night. It was nice to have visitors to talk to when I felt a little homebound as a winter mom. It was nice. If I had a do-over I would be less shy about nursing in front of company & treat people less like company & be less shy to take them up on offers of help.

    Every mother-in-law & mom-of-the-pregnant lady has different expectations of what grandma-hood means. Some might have way to much advice about how to do things, but be genuinely loving and helpful in all ways. Some might feel entitled to plenty of baby time...so long as you remove the baby immediately once he's screaming or poopy! I don't know if there's a perfect one out there, but I mean, we are all imperfect mothers who will hopefully become imperfect grandmothers, right?

    Regardless of what you want & need once baby is here it will be what's right for you & your family, so just let people know!

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