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September 11th, 2013 09:46 PM #21Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
I've always wanted to foster. That's why I knew offhand what the requirements are in NJ! Now that I have a small daughter I am feeling uncertain. I grew up around foster kids who would discuss graphic abuse rather bluntly, which makes sense of course, they were trying to make sense of their life experience & trying to share with me something that they had gone through...however it was somewhat traumatic for me to the point that I blocked out some of the things said to me only to have them resurface later. Despite this I still always hoped to foster and never imagined giving birth to a baby when so many needed my home & assistance. Now that I have a child I am uncertain about adding an older child to my family, the things they might say or do and the way they might try to normalize their life experiences. Looking through the foster to adopt listings I see a lot of older kids. My dream is to search for our next house with fostering in mind as a lot of kids have special needs and health issues. I need all one floor or at least a bedroom & bathroom on the ground floor or a staircase wide enough for a chair lift. I still consider taking the class and setting my boundaries and waiting for kids roughly my daughter's age to need a spot...I just assume that I wouldn't end up meeting anyone who would end up becoming a long term or permenent member of our family.
The people that I know that have fostered are amazing families. It is so much work emotionally and time-wise. It is so hard to do what they do- set boundaries with kids, families, say no when you know you can't handle a kid, let go when a kid ends up back with their abuser, ect.
I think it's an amazing thing, but you need to figure out your hopes and goals and boundaries and your partner's hopes and goals and boundaries.