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September 9th, 2013 02:34 PM #6
I know a couple families with 6+ kids. They have told me once you hit 4, life is already crazy the extra kids aren't as much of an adjustment as going from 0-1 or 1-2 or 2-3. You won't have less love for these babies, or for your other kids - you will have difficulty with time management and financial matters most likely, and things like meal planing. Get your kids to help out with whatever is appropriate for their age levels, and enlist help wherever you can from family members and friends. I know it's scary now and not what you imagined/wanted for your future, but once the babies are here and you get used to the changes you'll be okay.Azula Rosemary
1 July 2012
3 January 2014
September 9th, 2013 04:18 PM #8
Well, I've never been in your situation (don't have children yet), but my heart goes out to you. I want to echo what @girlymegz said above. If you're feeling totally overwhelmed and crying nearly every day, it might be worth talking to your doctor and potentially going for counseling. Depression is very serious, especially when you have several children to take care of, and perhaps just having someone to talk to will help.
One of my friends is the third child of four, and his mother said once the fourth child came around, things actually got EASIER rather than harder because the oldest were able to help out. It seems like now would be a good time to get your older children helping around the house (if they aren't already) and with their younger siblings so you can rely on them to be more independent when the children arrive.
Are you talking with your husband about your feelings? He may need you to tell him how he can be most helpful, whether it's housework, getting the house baby-ready, or just taking the kids out sometimes so you can get a break. Do you have family or close friends in your area? Are there teens or college students on your street who may be able to act as a mother's helper when the babies are born? Many people are afraid to ask for help, but I really believe we need to be in community with others.
Also, personally when I get overwhelmed, I find taking very small steps can help. If it's too much to think about how you will adjust, start with one small thing, like organizing baby clothes (if you have some left from your older kids), or researching double strollers, and don't think just yet about all the other choices you'll need to make.Estella ~ Helena ~ Miriam ~ Beatrice ~ Anastasia ~ Ivy ~ MarillaPaul ~ Wesley ~ Walter ~ Martin ~ Edmund ~ Fraser ~ Alexander
Trying for baby#1
Avatar: Nathan Altman, Portrait of Anna Akhmatova
September 9th, 2013 11:59 PM #10Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
I agree with katie-- after 4, it gets easier!
Here is some advice about Twins - I posted a large reply in that thread and some others had some good hints too: http://nameberry.com/nametalk/thread...-twin-yourself!
Here is a thread about sibling spacing and large families:
Twin mom thread:
Love the advice of the berries here so far -- set small goals, make small plans, get some freezer meals going, talk to someone (DH, outside person, doctor even if needed). You can do this. I always feel better about situations that make me anxious by educating myself...reading about the topic, making lists of what I need more information about or what exactly is causing fears. Are you nervous about finances? There are some steps you can take to cut expenses in your family or review your budget now. You mentioned being worried about selling the others short by having to care for newborns - well you will have some of that at times. Set up some plans to get the older kids involved in the babies - assign them jobs, keep them involved and engaged. Keep talking to them. Even if I have to care for the babies, I was always talking out loud to the older ones telling them what I was doing or what we'd be doing next - asking them questions, having them help me, etc.
Sorry, I'm not sure what other specific examples you have. If you have questions, I'd be happy to help- I just need more specifics because I tend to ramble and get WAY off track! No one needs to read my jibberish We have 6 kids -- 11 and under (4 under age 3). I'm very busy - always something to do in the house or one more load of laundry waiting, but I've gotten really organized the past few years and that definitely helps. I break down cleaning by area of the house and days of the week. We give the kids chores and encourage them to help out. We all work together as a team. My DH works really long hours, not so much right now cause he's in transition, but his typical schedule was 80 hrs a week with overnight shifts a few times a week. That does leave alot on my shoulders alone most of the time, but that has forced me to organize, take control (I'm not one that lets kids walk all over me or make the rules in the house!), and stay positive. Hang in there -- being a mom is tough and having 4 kids and dealing with pregnancy hormones while preparing for 2 more kids is alot to stomach!Wife to one great guy
Mama to six pretty ladies: Scarlett (11), Penelope (9), Alice (3), Fiona (3), and Lucille (14 mo.) & Coraline (14 mo.)
& 4 angels gone before us
~We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.~
September 10th, 2013 06:45 PM #12Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2013
I have three little boys and it is very hard times. I would love to have more! I don`t know about six, though.
I do have a friend who has six kids, three boys and three girls, and she is pregnant with their 7th baby!
She does look stressed out alot, but I do ask how it is. She always answers she can`t imagine life without all six of them.
It will be hard, but when you get the hang of it, you`ll be a SUPERMOMMY!!
Good Luck!married to my wonderful husband--P.J.
mommy to--- Bridger Alexander(7) , Avery Matthew(3) and Owen Samuel arrived on September 5th!!!
boys--Bridger,Avery, Owen, Tristan, Cory,Brody, Justin, Porter, Morrison, Axel, Finn and Ira
girls---Natalie, Brooklyn, Penelope, Paige, Heather, Emerson, Eleanor, Beth, Jenna and Meredith
September 12th, 2013 12:03 PM #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2013
I'm only pregnant with my first, but had to respond because your situation is EXACTLY what happened to my parents: 3 kids intentionally pretty close together, a 4th "oops", and then "oops" twins! The oldest was just 8 when the twins were born.
So, I don't really have advice for you, but hopefully this is encouraging: my family survived and we're all college-aged or older, pretty functional adults.
Re: the worry that you are selling the others short. I guess there are material ways in which I grew up differently because I have a lot of siblings: we always shared cars, rooms, etc; we didn't go to private schools; we had to get scholarships, financial aid, loans or work for college...But I would NEVER EVER change any of that for having fewer siblings. My siblings are absolutely the best gift my parents ever gave me. And having to share cars, etc growing up made me a more flexible, less self-centered person, I think. Plus, especially now that we are all adults, I just feel so thankful for each of my siblings. Recently I've thought about how, someday down the line, my parents may need a lot of care or may pass away, and I am so thankful to think that I will have my brothers and sisters to share those burdens and griefs with. I have a friend who is an only child and just lost her mother, and I just cannot imagine going through that loss without brothers and sisters to be alongside you. There's just no relationship like a sibling--that combination of family and friend, someone who has known you forever and shares your childhood memories...
Also, re: spacing. It was and still is really fun to all be close in age. I mean, yes, I don't know how my mom survived the first 10 years or so...but being close in age allows you to share life stages, really be FRIENDS with each other, have other friends in common, etc...For example, the oldest graduated college only 6 years ago, and the youngest are in college now. So we understand each other, are interested in similar things. Also, now a couple of us are married and starting to have kids, and it's fun that hopefully our kids (cousins!) won't be really far apart in age. As for you as a parent, I think my mom has said that, in a way, it was nice to get all the baby/little kid parenting at once, and then all the preteen/teenage issues, and then the college/emerging adulthood issues...easier in a way than having a baby and a teenager at the same time.
So, I just really want to encourage you to think about the gift you are giving to your other kids, not about what they might miss out on. Like I said, I would not trade having 5 siblings for anything. (Honestly, I want to have a lot of kids just to give that gift to my children, though now that I'm actually an adult and have to think about all the logistics, practicalities, it seems more daunting.) Also, I (and all my siblings) have good relationships with both my parents. (Though my parents aren't perfect, and of course I can think of various things they could have done differently or better...but overall, I know they love us and have always tried to be good parents to us.) I think you DO have enough love to go around, as long as you're intentional with pursuing healthy relationships with your kids, and recognize that each one is an individual whose relationship with you will be a little different.
One practical note: I know when my mom had the twins, she had two different girls come and help out at the house, each for a month or so. They were distant relatives from Germany (my mom is also German and speaks it) who wanted a chance to spend some time in the US and learn English. I was only 6, so I don't remember much about it, but I'm pretty sure they helped watch us older kids and did a lot of housework. I would definitely encourage you to think about if you have any relatives who can come and help you out after the twins are born, or even if there's a way to have a volunteer au pair who wants to learn some English...or even just a neighborhood teenager who can come regularly to watch the kids. Definitely find any good help you can get for that transition. Also, decide what you need to do to make your life easier for the beginning stages. EG, my mom actually homeschooled us for much of our schooling, but the year she had twins, my older sister and I went to public school (we were the only school age ones). The twins were born in the summer, and my mom recognized that with two newborns and 6 total kids under 9, there was no way she could homeschool that year. So, think through your life and do what you need to do to survive the first year or so. There's nothing wrong with easing up on extracurricular activities for the older kids for this year or so--they will be fine, they won't get way behind in soccer or ballet or piano or whatever if they miss a year at this age, and they will be having a great, once-in-a-lifetime experience of getting to know new twin babies! Probably better life-experience and lessons than they would get at any extracurriculars.