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September 8th, 2013 01:18 PM #16Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2013
September 8th, 2013 01:57 PM #18Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
I am older but not financially stable yet and I haven't my life partner (by older I mean 25). Sometimes I wish I could skip ahead to the good times. So I think you are normal.
I agree it's normal. It's also good to focus on the things you have now (hopefully). Friends, family, etc. The one thing I want to say is I think it's fine to dream about your future and your life ahead of you, now is not the time. I mean I don't know you, but I do know several friends (of both genders) who had children very young and those people love their children, but it's really hard and I've seen first hand the struggles that come with that. Some of them probably thought they could do it, and they do, but they are overwhelmed and stressed and tired. I think reality is often different from fantasy. It's very different to see cute children a couple hours a day and another thing to be responsible and on 24-7.
My advice is keep dreaming, but also you seemed to imply you are/were sexually active which is fine and none-of-my-business really. It's your life, you get to make decisions for yourself. My only reason for bringing it up is that it is probably not a good idea to let your fantasy of having a child affect your decisions for birth control. If you feel you are not in a position to have a child, then you should take precautions to prevent pregnancy. (Also STD's (just to put it out there).
If you feel the fantasizing is putting you at risk then you should lay off a little. Make a list of why you are not ready to have a kid, remind yourself of why, and keep the list where you can see it.
I was in your shoes once and sort of still am, so I sympathize. I also feel that last part was a little more personal than I usually like to be, but I feel it's important to speak my mind and tell you the truth which you may need to hear. I personally think having a kid even just one is a responsibility and priviledge and it annoys me that I know so many people in real life who act like it's a game, or a joke, or a toy. If it's game, it's one with incredibly high stakes. You're bringing someone into for life and it's a lifetime commitment, not one I would take lightly.
I hope everything goes well for you. I hope classes are good. I wish you nothing but the best. Good luck!
September 8th, 2013 03:55 PM #20Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2013
I used to think about having kids all the time when I wasn't in a financial position to do so. Now that I am married and could financially support kids (even though ideally we'd be bringing in a little more money than we do now), I want kids even LESS because I can better imagine exactly the resources I'd need. KWIM? I still want a kid, but not right now. Granted, if I did have one in the near future, I'd be completely happy. But I have a more realistic picture of everything I need to do before that happens, and that makes me want to spend a bit more time child-free.
September 9th, 2013 05:57 PM #22Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2013
I totally know what you mean! I'm young, married, and in medical school and sometimes I get really stressed out trying to figure out the prime time in our careers for baby-making. Babies + med school do not mix very well and we're currently barely making enough to get by, but that doesn't stop me from slightly secretly hoping I'll get pregnant. It's an especially favorite alternate life-plan when school is extra difficult - "well maybe I'll just get pregnant and drop out." - haha! I think it's also especially hard because my cousins and a few of our friends who got married the same time as us are having babies now. My therapy - focus your naming energy on THEIR babies. Whether you actually suggest the names to them is up to you : )