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Thread: How Long Did You Wait?
September 2nd, 2013 06:09 PM #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
zaelia ~ thankyou, and btw I love your boys' names
tarynkay~ that's all really sweet, congrats on 12 yrs together! And yeah I agree about pre-marital counseling and going into it with two eyes open. and about needing more than love in a marriage.. so far, we have been pretty good on setting boundaries and communication and things.
katieydenberg~ yes! i feel the same about like dating a year before engagement, then that long until marriage at least. Good point about knowing your partner..I was once told a long time ago, to never commit to someone until how you see how they deal with stressful situations and anger. I can see that...some people can put on an act but when hard times come, turn into someone completely different...and not in a good way. I'm cautious on that, believe me. Oh, there isn't a rush with us...things just seem to be going pretty quick, if that makes sense. Like we didn't expect these feelings to start so soon. We don't plan to act on them for awhile lol, as far as engagement/marriage go. We are Christian and do have certain morals and things we stand by, so there will be no living together or sexual contact before marriage. There's no rush for that either. Our families are pretty supportive and while they wouldn't be thrilled if we lived together before marriage, they wouldn't stone us or anything.. I'm not trying to sound naive here, but I'm not afraid our feelings will change..downhill. As we are 20 and have some older friends, yeah a few are getting engaged, married, or pregnant...but we don't feel like this is a time in our life for that, right now. Months from now? I doubt it. As far as dating and marriage, I never wanted to date for fun or "play the field". That sounds incredibly stupid, i know, but doesn't mean I plan to jump in bed with the first guy I date.. I wanted to date with the intention of marriage some day..so no "giving" pieces of myself to random guys, then meet "the one" and yeah.. I'm extremely picky and have been hurt in my past before..there's reasons I never dated before :P He fits with what I always wanted in a partner, especially after I matured some and seen others go thru situations with their significant others.. thankyou for your response, you brought up some really good points and things to consider as well
lineska~ aww yeah my boyfriend and I are in two separate colleges almost 3hrs away from each other but our hometowns are neighboring and he lives at home. that's really sweet..oh and I love your girl's name very cute!
Last edited by namergirl3; September 2nd, 2013 at 06:13 PM.
September 2nd, 2013 06:25 PM #8Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2013
This is probably really unusual, but my husband and I didn't even start dating until we knew we loved each other. It's a really long story, but basically we expressly didn't want to be in a relationship with each other because of certain circumstances, but it happened anyway. We were just trying to be friends because he was going through a hard time in his life. We talked about a lot of serious stuff during that time, like spirituality and what we wanted out of life, so we really got to know each other pretty intimately in a short period of time. And then we realised we were too good for each other not to be together.
We knew of each other for a couple years through mutual friends before we actually became friends ourselves, but it was only a couple of months from the time we really started to get to know each other until we started dating, and then we got engaged about a year after that, and then married about a year later. I was 19 when we started dating and 21 when we got married.
My family reacted sort of strangely to our relationship, but like I said it was an awkward situation. His family liked me right away, though, and thought I was good for him. The first time I met his grandparents, his grandpa pulled him aside to tell him he thinks I'm a sweetheart. His mom really didn't trust his previous girlfriend, probably rightfully so, but she always liked me and believed I really cared about her son. We eloped because we didn't want the stress or financial burden of a big wedding, so we did end up getting a ton of crazy questions about why we were rushing into it and whether I was pregnant. LOL! No, I wasn't pregnant, and I don't particularly feel like we were rushing, either. We had been together for 2 years!
We definitely talked about future kids' names while we were dating. It just came up naturally. We talked about life, the future, and kids are part of that. I like names, so of course I took it there! We actually decided what we'd name our son if we ever have one before we were even married.Mommy to...Maura Lucille
I had a baby today, I would name him/her...
Patrick Donley or Brigid "Birdie" (not sure about middle, possibly Helen/Ellen/Adele or Beatrice/Beatrix)
BOYS: Seamus Arthur, Niall/Neil/Neal
GIRLS: Colleen, Deirdre/Deidra "Dear", Anya
September 2nd, 2013 06:35 PM #10
I met my now husband in February 2010. I was very hesitant about dating him at first. He was 6 years older than I was, he had three children with two different women, he had only been separated from his wife for five months, he initially told me he didn't want to have any more children, and to be completely honest, I was concerned that him and his wife had split just three months after the birth of their youngest child together. But regardless of all my reservations, there was something about him that I couldn't help but be drawn to. We started dating that February and he proposed to me in December 2010. We got married in May 2011, 15 months after we first met. I knew I was going to marry him after the second date, but there was no way I was ready for it. I'm glad he waited as long as he did before he asked.
At first my family, mostly my mother, were concerned for the same reasons I had been, but the more they got to know Jonathan, the more they began to warm up to him. We've been married over 2 years now and my entire family loves him. He really is the sweetest guy and would do anything for the kids and I.
I don't think there is a "normal" when it comes to these kinds of things. In my experience, you just know when it is right. I've known people who are together a few months before they decide to get married and people who are together for years and years before they decide to get married. Who am I to judge what is best? As long as they are happy and it works for them, I don't think it really matters. The advice I will give my children is the longer you wait, the better because if you truly love someone, time will only make your relationship stronger.
My husband and I decided to take things at the pace we did because not only was I making the commitment to be his wife, but to also be a step-mother to his kids. Also, I was working on getting started in my teaching career.
Now talking about names is a completely different story. I am 18 weeks along today with our first child together and it has been a daily battle to get Jonathan to discuss names. I think we are set on a boy name, but girl names are a different story. He is just really disinterested in talking names and doesn't seem to think it is as important as I do.Step-Mother to three lovely children - Josiah Lewis (14), Stella Evangeline (8), and Emma Catherine (4)
Expecting Baby Chicken on February 3, 2014
It's a boy!
Rhys Andrew, Milo Andrew, Conrad Henry, or August Henry/August Charles
September 2nd, 2013 06:44 PM #12
I met my boyfriend when we were only 15, we met through my cousin and his friend. Even tho we were so young I knew really quickly that he was everything I had every wanted. Everyone said that we wouldn't work or last because we were so young but we've been together for over 6years now. Still not engaged but we are currently saving for our own house.
We started talking about names about 3years ago when my niece and nephew were due and since then we have found our perfect names for our future kids, hopefully within the next few years.
I agree that you should be together at least a year before any big commitments but then again some people just know and want to be committed to each other very quickly.
You'll know what's right for you guys, everyone is different .
Laura Kate xofor every dark night, there is a brighter day ♡
September 2nd, 2013 06:57 PM #14
I met Cody when we were 13. I was asked to go to his birthday party with his friend, but that guy stood me up so I was at this strange guys house that I didn't know and had only spoken to once. We spent the entire day talking. He pretty much ignored his friends the whole day to talk to me. At the end of the day, he tried to convince his female friend to let me stay the night with her so we could keep talking. We went on one date that he stood me up on (it was an accident :P ) and exactly one week after we met he told me he loved me.
Now I didn't say it back, but we stayed together. We broke up twice. Once because he got nervous a year in. I dated 2 guys VERY briefly and he dated one girl. We were back together after 2 weeks. We broke up again at 15 because I was scared of my feelings. I dated another guy for about a month and went back to Cody.
We got engaged at 16. His whole family was against it. They are all very abusive in many ways. My parents were incredibly supportive. We moved into my moms old house when we turned 18 and got married a few months later. We've been married 4 years now and have a 3 month old baby.
To answer your questions specifically:
How long did it take you to realize you were in love or whatever? I think I said it back about a month and a half in
For those married/engaged, how long was it from when you started dating to your engagement? We started dating at 13 and got engaged at 16
How did loved ones/friends react? My family was very supportive and his has practically disowned him. My friends said it was too fast.
Did you care what anyone thought? No. I never cared what other thought. They're my feelings and I know them better than anyone else.
What, in your opinion, is a proper amount of time/speed for things? There isn't one. Everyone is different, everyone feels differently.
When did you start talking about future kids' names? We started talking about kids names in sort of the beginning of 2012 and had them all solidified by the summer. So 3 years into the marriage.Mother, Hellenic Pagan Priestess, and Resident Greek name expert ^_^
Started my NaNoWriMo novel - Kith nor Kin -- read it here if you'd like and feel free to comment -- http://kithnorkin.wordpress.com/ Chapter 19 is up -- Warning! It's pretty gruesome.
Proud Mama to:
Persephone Elysia Willow -- June 5th 2013
TTC #2 by Christmas 2014