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Thread: How Long Did You Wait?
September 2nd, 2013 07:06 PM #11Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2013
With the first guy I was in love with, he told me he loved me after a month of dating (we had been friends a month prior to that). I said it back about a week later. We actually got engaged four months in (I was 18), but I didn't actually feel what I now know as the feeling of being "in love" until about 6 months into the relationship.
We dated for nearly four years...talked of marriage, babies, etc.
I think it takes at least a year to truly know someone. I'm sure you can fall in love before that, but you don't know the person well enough, so it's taking a big risk. It took me four years to see my first boyfriend as manipulative, controlling, and not the type of person I could be with - but I attribute that to being inexperienced in relationships and not knowing enough about the way people work - if I dated someone like him at an older age, I'd have realized that within a year, maybe sooner.
Now, my BF and I have kind of a complicated story. I can't pinpoint when I fell in love with him. We dated for about four months, broke up for external reasons (traveling, etc.), stayed friends, tried to get back together, broke up again for similar reasons (crazy work/school schedules, he had moved farther away), and I found out I was pregnant. We stayed "friends" throughout the pregnancy, and decided to be together when I went into labor (ok, maybe we had decided before that, but that's when we discussed it).
He told me he loved me a week before I had our daughter. I didn't say it back, but I spent the next week thinking I'd never, ever be able to live with myself if something happened to one of us and he didn't know how I felt.
We've only been "together" for three months, so I can't tell you how it'll go. So far so good, though. I can say it probably took me about a year to fall in love with him, but I loved him for longer than that, if that makes sense.Lillian Elizabeth 6.16.13
September 2nd, 2013 07:16 PM #13Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
- London, England
I met my husband when I was 25. I was living with a man I was very much in love with at the time, but I fell in love with Husband too. After two years I left the man I was living with, but it took over a year for me to get together with Husband. When we did get together we'd already done it all, I love you had been said many times. I moved in straight away, one year later I got pregnant with my daughter, another year later with this little babe. How long did it take me to realise I was in love... it's difficult. It started out as a fascination and obsession almost. I honestly don't know. I never considered us engaged, he told me he wanted to marry me, I said fine, we got married. What our families thought of our relationship. His mother thinks I'm a witch, used to think bad witch, now I believe she's changed her mind. His father was very supportive. My parents adore him. The appropriate time, there is no such thing. Everyone's different. I do think it's a good idea to really know each other though, and to be over the first crazy in love stage where you think every little thing he does is magic .
We did not discuss names until after I knew I was pregnant. It's never been something I've discussed with anyone except maybe my sister and some friends.My darling Marian Illyria Aphrodite, March 2013 & Little Bunny (a girl!) due 9th of February 2014
September 2nd, 2013 09:22 PM #15
I think falling in love can happen very quickly, but I wouldn't say it happened that way for me. I liked my husband a lot when I first met him, but I wouldn't say I really loved him until we'd been dating for about six months. In terms of our timeline...
June 2007 - Met while travelling in London
June 2009 - Officially started dating
December 2009 - Moved in together
July 2011 - Got engaged
August 2012 - Got married
April 2013 - Started trying for a baby (still waiting...)
So we knew each other for two years before we even started dating properly, but we moved in together after six months and were engaged about eighteen months after that.
You said you met on a disaster relief trip. That's interesting to me because I've heard of people developing bonds very quickly when they're in stressful situations, so your friends already being engaged is not surprising. However, as someone who's a little older than you (29), I'd caution you about getting in too deep too quickly. I agree with katieydenberg - you shouldn't get engaged if you've been in your relationship for less than a year (actually, I agree with all of Katie's comments). I think a lot of people (particularly young people and those who have never been married before) underestimate marriage. They think their relationship will last forever and, if it doesn't, they can just get divorced. It's really not as simple as that. A marriage breakup is heartbreaking and involves a lot more people than just the couple themselves. My advice to you is: Keep dating your boyfriend. Date for at least six months. Then maybe you decide to move in together (you can obviously wait a lot longer than six months). After a year, maybe you want to get engaged. But I wouldn't move more quickly than that! In fact, since you're only 20, I'd move considerably slower! Just relax and enjoy hanging out with your boyfriend. Try not to put pressure on yourselves. Also, not to be a downer, but divorce rates are particularly high for people under 25.
Last edited by sarahmezz; September 3rd, 2013 at 01:27 AM.TTC #1
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September 2nd, 2013 09:58 PM #17Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
I am a fairly impulsive person and I knew I was in love with my now-husband within the first 4 months of dating. I only met him just before we began dating too, so no long history of friendship beforehand!
However- I also felt the same sudden deep feelings of love for various exes!
IMO it's a matter of if those feelings continue on once you go through trials together.
My husband & I dated for several years, moved in together, lived together a year, I finished college, we went through my grandmother's stroke & lived apart while I cared for her one state away from each other, after she was well we got engaged & married! I knew I loved him within a few months, but the fact that those feelings only grew after years together is what made me want to marry him!
September 3rd, 2013 12:12 AM #19Junior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2013
Amen namergirl3! Although I'm a good ways off from being engaged or married, I've been dating the same guy for over 2 years and I'm a junior in high school. We are also Christian, and also agree that there won't be any premarital sex or anything of that nature in our relationship, including living together before marriage. We said we loved each other a few months into the relationship and had our first kiss around 3 or so months in. We learned to set clear boundaries physically. There's been serious consideration and talk of marrying each other in the pretty distant future, and he and I both agree it's a strong possibility We both have strong feelings for each other, but also know that we are young and many things can change in our lives. We want to follow God's will and His best for our lives. My advice is to trust in Him and pray about it, and follow Him!
Possible future kids' names? We've talked about the and somewhat agree on boys' names! Lol.