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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    1,050

    Question about preference of a family member

    The thing is rather confusing but I will ask anyway, maybe somebody has a piece of advice.
    So, my family is rather big and there is only one child, my daughter, Nelly. Parents live in their own house with my siblings and I live with boyfriend and daughter.
    On the weekends my mom and dad usually visit us. We have a meal and then Nelly has playtime with other family members. They all love her very much because she is the only child in a lot of years so many adults want to cuddle Nelly and spend a lot of time with her.
    But there is such a thing...When my mom comes into the room, Nelly forgets about all games, looks at her Granny, laughs and smiles. She doesn't just love but simply adores my mom. She always wants to be with her, she wants Granny to give her the bottle, to play with her and totally ignores other family members. They have such a special relationship...
    I have to admit, I am kind of jealous. Nelly doesn't mind my or my sister's company when Granny isn't in the house but otherwise she prefers to be with her. So just like I hold Nelly in my arms and my mom is nearby, Nelly tries to make Granny take her(Nelly) away from me. If there is a choice, she always prefers Granny to anybody.
    Have anybody ever experienced situations like this? My mom says it happens because she has a big experience how to deal with children and I am always fussy or too loud/scary behaving and it frightens Nelly. I don't take offense on my mother, she doesn't do anything special but is it normal for a child to have a preference of a family member? Is it like already making best friends with somebody?
    Sorry if I sound stupid or an awful mommy, I am FTM and confused.

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    London, England
    Posts
    5,340
    You're not an awful mummy! Nelly sees you all day everyday, right? When your mother visits that's exciting and different, and that is completely natural. If I were you I'd take that time when Nelly has playtime with your parents to go somewhere else, do something where you're not in the same room. Go out for a cup of coffee or tea, have a bath... do some shopping. Come back, and Nelly will be excited to see you! You're a new mother, of course you're being fussy. Nelly loves you most of all, it's a novelty that's all.

    My daughter's in love with my father. He's got a very special way with children, he's a very funky grandpa. She's completely mesmerised by him. And she's got a thing for my brother too. When they visit we usually have tea or something, then I go and do something on my own and leave Dita with them. Then I have a bath, sleep, go shopping, go for a run, bake, something that makes me happy. When I come back Dita's always very happy to see me!
    [FONT=Palatino Linotype][CENTER]My darling Marian Illyria Aphrodite, March 2013 & Little Bunny (a girl!) due 9th of February 2014[/CENTER][/FONT]

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    1,050
    Thank you so much, darling! Great advice you've given, I might seriously consider it. I am not so sure if my parents will agree to have Nelly on them for a long time(she is not an easy babe) but I am sure my sister will, she loves her madly. And I only need a few hours, right. So maybe BF and me will have a Nelly-free evening one day.
    Thanks again, you always have some right and helpful things to say. I sometimes feel like you are my sweet and kind elder sister .

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    671
    Please don't worry, its completely normal for children to have a preference like this and its no indication of her love for her mommy.

    My eldest daughter is like this with my husband. He works very long hours and unfortunately, only gets to see the girls for a sustained period of time at weekends seeing as they're already in bed when he finishes work during the week.

    Because of this, my eldest sees me as the one who makes her do stuff she doesn't want to, the one who makes her do chores, and the one that punishes her when she's naughty. Basically, I'm the bad guy My husband is the one that takes them to the park, or cinema, or for ice cream while I have time to myself at home. She sees him as the fun one, and I'm totally okay with that. I know she loves me and that I love her. I'm okay with this because my DH gets to spend so little time with them, I want their time together to be fun and not spent bickering with her to pick up her toys, if you know what I mean.

    Your daughter sounds like she has a very special relationship with her granny, and with you.


    Mama to Amelie Clara (2008) & Daisy Madeline (2013).

    Alice Tallulah, Polly Matilda, Rosalie Faye, Lucy Annabel, Maya Lillian, Hazel Kate, Eva Blossom, Juliet Lila, Ivy Camille.
    Charles Joshua "Charlie", Theodore Samuel "Teddy", Elliott Daniel, Noah Zachary, James Oscar, Arthur Philip, Rowan Isaac.





  5. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    1,050
    Thank you so much, @pinkballerina!(if I remember right, Anna is your name? Would you mind if I call you by name? I think usernames are pretty cold in comparison with names. )
    I see what you mean. Basically, such situations happen in almost all families because mom usually see kids all day so they have to raise them up and educate, feed, wash etc. as well as amuse and play with. And as other family members don't, they are considered much more fun than mommies thus they may have special ways and positions. As Otter have said, maybe we should just spend weekly a couple of hors away by ourselves so children will see moms are special in their own way and impossible to replace. I suppose kids just love to make best friends with another family members to have more fun and everything.
    Thanks again, you are so helpful!

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