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Thread: Rough housing

  1. #11
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    1,810
    @Vitamom, you bring up valid points. I don't have time right now to read through everyone else's input, but I wanted to respond to your perspective on the video. You're right that parent-child rough housing is much different than a pack of children tumbling around. It seems to me that the example needs to be set at home, and parents (usually daddies) need to teach the children how rough is too rough. My husband has successfully taught our two-year-old Wheaten terrier how to rough house without crossing the line (though naturally the dog occasionally slips up), so I have confidence that children can be taught the same from a very young age IF they are given CLEAR instruction. As for a group of children who haven't been taught appropriate rough housing at home, I think it is likely that someone is going to get an eye poked out. I mean on the one hand, rough housing with peers seems completely natural and even litters of puppies tumble all over each other. But litters of puppies are generally around the same size, whereas a group of children might contain a frail little girl and a hefty boy who could really hurt her. I do understand your concern. I'd hate to see you keep your daughter on the sidelines, but for the sake of safety--and to prevent her from picking up on their habits--it may be necessary until her peers are old enough to comprehend basic safety measures.

  2. #13
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,266
    I recently went back to my hometown and realised just how violent country kids are. I was kicked in the shins twice and one was so hard I could hardly walk by a five your old and had a six year old try to bash me up. My mum does family daycare and finds most of the kids in my town very violent and that they don't know when to stop. But a bit of rough play is good they just need to know when to stop.
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  3. #15
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    4,122
    I don't have kids of my own so I feel a little silly giving advice... but.... esp if the other kids are family members I think you shouldn't feel that it isn't "your place" to stop them from rough-housing too much. Maybe it's just my SO's family but during family reunions parents expect their children to be reprimanded and praised by everyone alike. I can't count the number of times in the past three years I've pulled of of their kids aside and told them they needed to apologize to their cousin for accidentally breaking their sand castle, hitting them with a shovel, or splashing ocean water in their face. All the kids are treated the same regardless if they are 2 or 7. At first I didn't feel comfortable saying anything because they aren't even my in-laws but.....

    I guess the ideal is this - talk to the parents about what is acceptable to you. Esp if your kids are younger and/or smaller than the other kids. This way parents are responsible for letting their kids know that they need to be gentler etc. That way if you feel your kids are being overwhelmed (I'm sure you know exactly what that looks like whether it be physically or emotionally) you can very politely step in and remind the other kid that your kids don't rough-house like that and give them a choice of a gentler and equally fun activity to do together.

    I feel like rough-housing is important but it's sometimes hard to figure out when enough is enough. As a by-stander if often feels like it inevitably ends with someone in tears -> either because they really did get hurt or because they are tired/frustrated. Esp when your in the middle of it, it's hard to know when to stop. (I feel like that problem never goes away it just turns into not knowing when to stop drinking or when to stop being a dare-devil or ....)
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  4. #17
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    3,962
    I wanted to add that you should speak up in these situations. I generally raise my daughter differently than it sounds like you do and I think that rough play is good in it's own way, but if you disagree or think your daughter is in danger or just uncomfortable you should for sure speak up. You are her only advocate in these situations. I also think that not speaking up to avoid confrontation will only result in you growing resentful & your daughter learning by your example that instead of speaking our mind & putting our differences in opinion out in the open we should quietly stew. I would straight up say in hearing distance of the child's parents, "You kids are really rough! I think _____ is getting a little overwhelmed by all of this rough stuff cause we keep in gentle & nonviolent at our house!" at this point either the mom of the ruffians will step in or say some "boys will be boys" crap or she will be the one with her mouth shut silently stewing for the rest of the get together. Either way, you will have said your peace & taught your daughter to speak her mind when she feels uncomfortable which is IMO the most important thing to instill in girls!

  5. #19
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    673
    My kids are both pretty rough. My son has a lot of trouble stopping when necessary but if we didn't allow him to roughhouse at all then I think he'd spend half the time we see other kids in time out. He typically isn't trying to hurt anyone but it's really how he plays. He's not a sit still sort of kid. When things start looking like they're getting out of hand we offer reminders or remove him from the situation. If he hurts anyone he goes in time out. My daughter is only one but she also enjoys it and giggles a lot although since she's pretty young it tends to end with her getting hurt. Usually not severely and she recovers after a moment.
    Mother to: Patrick Werner (3/10) and Mary Claire (06/12)

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