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  1. #1

    Pros & Cons of finding out Gender

    Upon finding out the news of our tiny little human growing in my uterus the husband and I discussed whether or not we would find out the gender. The husband doesn't want to and at first I agreed, but hesitantly (i'm a planner)...and as the time has inched closer to the big reveal I'm wanting to know more and more. He still does not. How many of you found yourself in this position? What did you do? have any advice for me...or him?

    here are my thoughts:
    This entire pregnancy hasn't felt real (no real symptoms) and i'm feeling kind of disconnected from my uterus in general. Just in the past week it's started to move *flutters!* and I would love to start referring to this alien as a pronoun and better yet help me narrow down my name lists >> stressful!<< i can't stop obsessing & can't seem to commit ..i think this naming distraction is keeping me from truly connecting..does that make sense? instead of spending my nights cuddling with my husband talking about the growing life, i'm up late looking at names...constantly looking up names..(unhealthy)

    I honestly don't know why the husband doesn't want to know...perhaps to have a surprise or to avoid the gender stereotype gifts we're most likely to receive if others find out /// we will not be a house where boys can't wear pink or are discouraged from playing with dolls and girls discouraged from playing with cars or wearing baseball gear etc. \\\

    Also, It would be impossible for me to know and him not...we are terrible at keeping secrets and i'm sure it would slip out eventually.

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    London, England
    Posts
    5,340
    With our first we didn't find out, because Husband didn't want to, and I loved it. It was a lot of fun guessing, and I referred to my baby as he, she or baby during the whole pregnancy. I never had any problems bonding with my baby because I didn't know the gender, I felt her in me every day. I felt that if someone would need to know the gender to bond, it should be the father who doesn't feel the baby move around inside of him. The period between the morning sickness stops and you start feeling the baby/seeing the bump is strange, you know you're pregnant but you feel normal! When the baby starts moving it's a whole new thing.
    This pregnancy we found out. I really wanted to as it stressed me out, I only had my first baby five months ago and this was a completely unplanned pregnancy, and it freaked me out (haha, past tense? No, still freaks me out!), so I explained to Husband why I wanted to know and he said yes. He still thinks it's unnecessary, he never had any trouble bonding with our first when she was in my belly, but he didn't feel it was real until the first time she kicked him.
    My darling Marian Illyria Aphrodite, March 2013 & Little Bunny (a girl!) due 9th of February 2014

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    St. Albert, Alberta, Canada
    Posts
    152
    This is one of those personal things that there is really no right answer to. We did not find out and LOVED not knowing. I never really understand the whole, "I'm a planner thing" My SIL just said this to me....well, I'm a lawyer, totally type A and the very definition of a planner but I never saw how this had anything to do with finding out a baby's sex. You pick two names and babies really need very, very little. Because I am such a planner, I hate being highjacked by other's people stuff and gifts, so not knowing was actually easy in this respect. You get so much less stuff. Most baby stuff is definitely not to my taste...so this was a huge bonus. I'm also a minimalist, so I wasn't going to go crazy shopping, either. I never had an issue with bonding, either.

  4. #7
    I guess my "planning" mostly has to do with the fact that i'm super picky with kids things too....and I stumble across random independent artists/clothing makers/creators etc online and find super cute clothing *typically not gender neutral unfortunately* that are for when the little one gets bigger and I don't know if a) the things will be available in the future or b) if i can keep it all organized / spend the time digging up the websites again when the little one is here..and/or c) i can take advantage of sales now! summer swimsuits/ clothing/ summer garage sales..etc. for next year now ..and save lots of $$ As gender neutral as we like to be...I don't think i'll go as far as dressing up or boy in dresses? though i'm not super opposed to this.....just don't think that's something we'll be doing.

    i really think the connection has a lot to do with my inability to make time to try and connect. i'm totally in denial still // even after the heartbeat and flutters...this is my first and it's all so new and foreign and amazing..and perhaps it's my brain/body's way of not allowing me to completely stress out... we live in one room of our house we have no kitchen/no "real" bathroom / no shower/ no hot water.... this was a massive renovation project my husband and i took on after our marriage.... and it's definitely not moving at the speed i had hoped.... perhaps having control of this one thing is something i think i "need" . ??

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    442
    I found out with both of my children and I totally get your whole "I'm a planner" since that was a big reason for me. I find a lot of the cuter baby clothes to be gender specific and I wanted to have all the clothes washed and put away before my baby was born. My husband made both children a sign with their name on it before they were born. This wouldn't have been possible if we had waiting and I'm sure it would have taken awhile to do afterwards. I loved that I brought my baby home to lots of clean prewashed clothes. Another thing I loved was referring to my children by name. I felt it helped me start to imagine them more then having them simply be "the baby".
    One word of caution for buying ahead season specific stuff. Babies can vary in size during their first year. My daughter is one year old and wearing 2T clothes. She has always been double her age for clothing size (in six months stuff at three months) past right after she was born. My husband and I are average height yet both our children have been big while they were babies. Now my three year old has slowed down and is average height for his age. But things I bought ahead for either child especially my daughter with seasonal stuff it didn't fit at the right time.
    Mother to: Patrick Werner (3/10) and Mary Claire (06/12)

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