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Thread: I'm Kind od Irked...
August 23rd, 2013 10:01 AM #11
I was very shy when I was young so I would have reacted the same way that little girl did, but if someone talked to me my mom always prompted me to talk to them to, or if I refused to say anything she would have thanked the child for the invitation to play and explained that I wasn't interested in playing right then but maybe in a few minutes. Different parents deal with children's shyness in different ways.
To answer your question no I don't think your daughter is unusually chipper and friendly. I've met plenty of children like your daughter, and plenty of overly shy children, every child is different
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August 23rd, 2013 10:22 AM #13
I completely understand what you are saying, but I think the fact is that little kids are just very tempermental. My son is also very friendly and many times when we're at the playground he will go up to a kid and ask them to play and they will turn away like they didn't even hear. Just remember that the other child doesn't generally mean to be rude even if it seems that way. If playing with someone they don't know isn't on their list of things to do then they will just go right about their own agendas and ignore you.
Let me just say that I was very shy as a child, and would start to blush whenever I had to speak to someone new, but not answering a direct question politely would have been horrifying to me! Heaven forbid I offend someone and they draw attention from their parents or my own that I was not behaving as expected. Also, if I was interested in something, even being shy wouldn't have prevented me from at least going to see what the other kid wanted to do. So I understand a few of them may be shy, but I think sometimes it aslo has to do with their parents' complete lack of assistance in these kinds of social situations. How many times have you looked over at the park bench and seen mothers totally involved with their cell phones? They're not even glancing up until a child cries and they check to see if it's theirs, much less watching how their child is speaking to others and encouraging or correcting them in any way if necessary. Sigh.
Anyway, at times like those, whether they are just avoiding confrontation or what have you, it is at least clear that the kid doesn't want to play. When it happens and Dom gives me the questioning look I just tell him "Well I guess they didn't want to, so why don't you ask someone else, or you and I can go start a game together?" I definitely have that protective panic moment and try to prevent his feelings from getting hurt, explaining that it's not because of him but they probably just wanted to play by themselves for a while. You can't help what other kids/moms do, but you can teach your own the best ways to cope with it. He usually recovers quickly, climbing up something and announcing that he is a knight and I must be the fire-breathing dragon, haha. Sometimes we do find a friendly girl to be our princess. It seems like he and Jade could have a lot of fun together! =]
Last edited by amydomsmom; August 23rd, 2013 at 10:27 AM.Dominic James~ (4)
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August 23rd, 2013 12:28 PM #15Current favorites:
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August 23rd, 2013 02:36 PM #17Senior Member
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Maybe the girl wasn't feeling well. I mean, you were in a pediatricians office right? Or was it your appt? So, maybe that was the case. The only other thing I can think of (beyond the child in question being unable to speak English, shy, rude or perhaps disabled in some way?) is that your daughter might come off as over-eager or her "let's play" approach might feel immature to older or more sophisticated children? I can remember freezing kids out on the playground that were younger than me and wanted to talk about dolls once I was over that phase. I think a lot of children like to separate from things & children that they associate as younger than themselves, so maybe your daughter approaches older girls cause she looks up to them, while they would rather find girls their age?
My daughter will approach kids and get rejected or wave to adults or children who notice, but ignore her. I think it's good to let her know even at the tender age of 1.5 that not everyone wants to play and be friends. I don't get offended by this stuff. I consider it somewhat character building. I will just tell her, "Not everyone wants to say hello. Some people are busy or don't like to make new friends."
Last edited by taz; August 23rd, 2013 at 02:40 PM.
August 23rd, 2013 04:10 PM #19Senior Member
There is no simple way to get a shy child to come out of her shell. "If you push too hard, your child will resist even more," warns Ward K. Swallow, Ph.D., author of The Shy Child: Helping Children Triumph Over Shyness (Warner, 2000).
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A lot of people have mentioned parents making a shy child speak up. Everything I've read on the subject says it's better to let you child warm up then force them to speak up. I put one of the examples above. My son isn't even that shy but he takes awhile to warm up. And if he's not feeling 100% or he's tired then it takes a lot longer.
Also we also really struggle at nearly 3.5 with him sharing with other children and being gentle with younger children/babies. He's a really rough and impulsive child. We practice sharing all the time since he has a younger sister but he still hasn't fully grasped the concept. He does get in trouble if he hurts another child but he needs those experiences to try to share beyond just with his sister who tends to care less if he takes toys from her or not making it tricky.Mother to: Patrick Werner (3/10) and Mary Claire (06/12)