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Thread: Advice please? (Completely O/T)
August 22nd, 2013 01:52 PM #6Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
I think what you're feeling is totally normal. Every bride feels overwhelmed at one point. I had so much to do the few days before the wedding, I was running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. It was extremely stressful. But in the end, I forgot about all the stress and all I remember are the wonderful happy memories of my wedding day, my mom's radiant smile, my excited friends, and of course my handsome groom.
If the large crowd intimidates you, it might be a better idea to go with the smaller, more intimate venue. That might be the best compromise.
Do you have an idea how his family might react if you elope? Have you talked about it with your fiance? It might be ok if your families are the non-dramatic type who will just go "You eloped? Well, we wish we could have been there, but we're really happy for you!" But if they're the kind who will be really hurt and upset about it, in the end, it would probably be less stress in the long run if you opt for the small wedding instead of the elopement. Family drama is extremely stressful on a marriage, and I think it would be wise to avoid it if you can. This is just my opinion, but I think an elopement should be done in order to avoid family drama (for example, your families don't approve of the marriage - so what's the point of inviting them anyway?), but never at the risk of causing it. It's not completely true that marriage is just about you and your future husband. Weddings are the creation of a new family, and it's something that friends and family members want to celebrate. By your marriage, your two families become related, his parents will become your kids' grandparents, etc. It's a family affair, which is why people can feel hurt if you exclude them.
To help with the stress, maybe you should enlist some help. Do you have some reliable friends who could be bridesmaids and help out with the planning?
August 22nd, 2013 02:04 PM #8Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2012
- Des Moines, IA
Ok, I'm going to be the old one around here:
I will be celebrating my 9th wedding anniversary this October. My Dad actually offered us $3000 to elope. Crazy man!
I think you have to go with your gut. It really sounds to me like you'd want a smaller wedding. I say. go for it! Losing the deposit is less expensive than therapy. But if you decide to Elope... why not invite your parents? Or siblings? I had a friend who eloped to Vegas, and took her mom and grandma with them. She loved it!
I did the big wedding... 200 invited, 104 attending. It was mostly my side, my people, because my husband's side didn't want to travel. And I was ok with that. We were married in the same church as my parents, and the church I was baptized in. I like seeing the pictures from everything.
Regrets? I should have had the wedding I wanted not the one I thought everyone expected me to have. I found a perfect dress months after settling for another, and I should have scrapped the original dress and gone for the one that screamed my name. It was only $300 lost. I should have hired a better photographer who actually had a list of pictures. I wish my Mom and I had been better at communicating - I wasn't a bridezilla but she was. And it caused some tears.
Loves? My Mom made my flowers. they were personal and individual and amazing. I did the response cards and programs, and we tweaked very basic invites that didn't cost my parents a lot (they were shocked.) My cousin was my DJ, so all of the music was personal and amazing. We had the best dance!
I would do it all over again, just a little different. and maybe that's because I'm looking back. It's always easier to judge from a distance.
good luck!Mom to:
Weston Christopher, July 2008
Keegan Nathaniel, Dec. 2013
Sebastian Miller, Dec. 2013
~ Emerson (Emme) ~ Caroline ~ Matilda (Tillie) ~ Elizabeth (Libby) ~ Rosalind (Lindy) ~
~ Asher ~ Griffin ~ Archer ~ Holden ~ Harrison ~ Elliot ~
August 22nd, 2013 02:10 PM #10Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2013
APracticalWedding.com has talked about this some, and it's a great site for people who'll DEFINITELY get where you're coming from.
This is your one excuse to have everyone you know and love (from your childhood best friend on the west coast to Grandma Nell in NY to those scattered college friends) together for nothin' but joy and love and celebration. You don't have to invite everybody, you don't have to make it big, you don't have to anything. But I bet your loved ones would be thrilled with a chance to gather around and support you, to cheer you on as you begin a new chapter. And how often do you get to experience that?
August 22nd, 2013 02:22 PM #12Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2013
You could always opt for a VERY small wedding - only close/immediate family & friends...like 10-20 people, elope and bring your parents with you, or get married "officially" alone and still have a large reception (either the initial one or smaller) to celebrate and have all of the big deal without the stress of actually tying the knot.Lillian Elizabeth 6.16.13
August 22nd, 2013 02:35 PM #14
I did both :P It was for the same reasons your talking about, as well as some other, more personal things. We were married in the living room of a friend who has her ordination on July 17th and the only people who knew were my grandparents. I felt much more relaxed and able to plan our wedding after that. We were married before everyone else on October 13th. So, even though the wedding didn't go as I planned and not as many people showed up as I wanted, I didn't care because all the stress was just sort of gone.
We had a small, intimate ceremony (performed by the same friend) at a pavilion in a wooded park. It was just us and like, 5 other people because I only wanted close family there and then the wedding party. I loved it so much more than a big wedding. We might, you know at our 5th anniversary (next year!) or our tenth renew our vows and try a bigger ceremony though.
In short, go with your heart. If you want a private elopement, do it. You don't have to tell anyone (we didn't) and then go ahead with the actual ceremony. Everyone's happy then. If you want a small, private ceremony, do that. This day is about you and his happiness, not anyone else's. It's not for his mom or your mom or who ever. It's for you two. Do what makes you two happy, what's right in your hearts.Mother, Hellenic Pagan Priestess, and Resident Greek name expert ^_^ Call me Dantea or Remy
http://www.amazon.com/Angel-Blackwood/e/B00SARZLFY -- My Amazon Author Page
Proud Mama to:
Persephone Elysia Willow -- June 5th 2013
TTC #2 by Christmas 2014