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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,113

    Advice please? (Completely O/T)

    I consider Nameberry my safe place, where no one really knows me, or anyone I know, so I need to ask for some advice before really getting into it with anyone else I do know.
    As many of you know, I'm getting married! We have been together since 2006 and have lived together since 2009. We are fairly reliant on each other, and are each others best friend. The problem here doesn't concern us as a couple, or our relationship or what have you, it concerns the actual wedding itself.
    Right now, we are planning a fair sized wedding, deposits put down on only the venue, and we need a minimum of 110 people. The wedding is December of 2014, and I am already dreading it deeply. It feels too big, too stressful, too much! I don't care about losing the deposit I put down if I cancel, but at this point, after potentially making this mistake, I feel frozen when it comes to making another. We are driving to the mountains this weekend to check out an entirely different wedding venue, for a wedding half the size of the one we are currently planning. It would be far more intimate and romantic, and just feels much more right.
    BUT, after all of this, I kind of just want to run off and elope, just Him and I and nobody else to complicate matters, after all, it really is just him and I in every other aspect of our lives. However, he is his mothers only child, and I am the only daughter in my family. I'm not sure how everyone would react and I am not sure the repercussions are worth the stress they will cause. This isn't the first time I've considered eloping over the past 7.5 years, so it might not be a passing fancy, maybe eloping is the way to go?
    I'm just so confused about what to do, like I said, I feel frozen when it comes to making a decision about this wedding anymore! Anything anyone can say about getting married, and weddings and just whatever, would be totally appreciated, I know nobody can just give me the right answer, but I need to talk this out!

    Lachlan Alexander - Evander 'Anders' Alcott - Cadmus Walter - Theron Xavier - Thatcher William - Peregrine North - Dresden Alasdair

    Natalie Winter - Adelaide Pearl - Hermione Jane - Corisande Fable - Lavender Alina/Irie - Cordelia Autumn - Virginia Joy- Odessa Faye


  2. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    201
    Weddings can be stressful! I don't know from personal experience, because my husband and I eloped, but friends that are now going through the process are having a hard time. Here is my two cents- I regret eloping. Not so much because I NEED a huge ceremony or want a huge ceremony now, but because it is sad looking back now and not having memories of my close family and friends there. I really wish i had let them celebrate with us. It hurt my mother particularly badly that she didn't see her only child get married, and that in turn, hurts me. i look at my son now and know that i would be hurt if he didnt want me present at his wedding. however, that is just my personal experience. that may not be yours.
    I think if a huge wedding feels wrong in your heart, then there is no reason you shouldn't just lose the deposit and forgo a big wedding. After all, it's just money. It seems to me like a small, intimate wedding with close friends and family is really more of what you want. And that is totally understandable! There is nothing wrong with a guest list of 20... Just as there is nothing wrong with a guest list of 200! This is you and your future husbands day. Do what will make you the most happy and what will allow you to look back on your day with no regrets. In the end the love and commitment is what matters, not the guest list, the venue, and the trimmings.
    *~*Proud Mommy Of Evan Alexzander*~*

    Currently Loving:
    Girls- Alice, Laurel, Hazel, Josephine, Clara, Emmeline, Penelope
    Boys- Dexter, Everett, Levi, Felix, Emmett, Jasper, Rhys, Declan

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    3,039
    You could do both...elope, then have a wedding ceremony for the family that might be more fun for you once you're already married and the stress is off. Best wishes!

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    1,861
    I just got married 6 weeks ago. I invited 284 people to my wedding. The whole wedding planning got very overwhelming, especially at the end, and I repeatedly told my husband that we should have eloped. I felt much like you described. I had a breakdown with my husband about two weeks before. Whole body shaking, sobbing to the point where I couldn't form a sentence for more than an hour. It was bad. I did not want to have anything else to do with this wedding.

    That said, my wedding was the most amazing day of my life. Despite the size, I felt like my husband and I were in our own little world... But I still had all the people I loved around us. I know people say it should be about just the bride and groom, but I strongly feel that weddings are also a formal way to unite two people's lives and families- even if you've been together a long time. I also am the only daughter and seeing the look on my dad's face when he came to walk me down the aisle was indescribable. Even my mom, who is notoriously reserved and never shows emotion (I'm not kidding- I have an amazing relationship with my mom but she's said I Love You to me maybe 10 times my who,e life) looked at me on wedding day and said I love you and thanked me for allowing g her to have a wedding for her daughter.

    My advice? Go with the smaller venue if it would give you more peace, but I'd still have some sort of party. I have no regrets.

    Good luck, and congratulations. Also, it's just a big party in the end-- the best part is hearing him call me his wife
    Little Bean arriving September 2014

    Zoe | Noemí Esther
    Lucas Emmanuel | Levi Alexander

    Adele | Adira | Arabella | Aurora | Eliana | Elizabeth | Milena | Susannah | Zara

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    218
    Quote Originally Posted by rookachoo View Post
    I think if a huge wedding feels wrong in your heart, then there is no reason you shouldn't just lose the deposit and forgo a big wedding. After all, it's just money. It seems to me like a small, intimate wedding with close friends and family is really more of what you want. And that is totally understandable! There is nothing wrong with a guest list of 20... Just as there is nothing wrong with a guest list of 200! This is you and your future husbands day. Do what will make you the most happy and what will allow you to look back on your day with no regrets. In the end the love and commitment is what matters, not the guest list, the venue, and the trimmings.
    I agree with all of this.

    I too am planning my wedding currently and completely understand feeling overwhelmed and like what you and your fiancé want is getting lost in the production. Just based on what you wrote I would suggest you spend your trip to check out this other venue discussing what you and your fiancé really want from your wedding day, and if that involves changing venue then that's what you should do. In the end it should be about what the two of you want.

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