View Poll Results: Which would you pick?
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Thread: Which surname would you use?
August 20th, 2013 02:32 PM #26Simon, Eloise/Louise, Faye, Judah, Thea, Felix, Iris, Cordelia, Roscoe, Lydia, Jasper, Phaedra, Adrian, Lucinda, Jane, Conrad, Wallace, Finnegan, Sylvie, Charlie, Dashiell, Juniper, Atlas, Matilda, Julian, Alice, Marlowe, Octavia, Jack, Marigold, Archer, Gabriel, Persephone, Raphael, Dov
Just a grad student, dreaming ahead...
August 20th, 2013 02:44 PM #28
Wow, this thread has been moving since I checked it last night! Thank you everyone for your input. It's nice to have a range of standpoints to consider.
@iamamiam, @kala_way, @boyandgirl - Thank you all for you input. It's greatly appreciated. We have discussed the pros of getting married, and we do realize that in some ways it would make life easier. However, we do have our reasons for not getting married, some of which are very personal. We both are very liberal individuals, and while we do realize the benefits that marriage would provide us, in our situation the moral cons outweigh the logical pros. I do respect your opinions, and am in no way against the marriage of others. I mean no offense to anyone at all!
@augusta_lee - I respect your opinions and can see where you are coming from. Thank you very much for your input. There are pros and cons to any choice we make, and we are prepared to deal with them. I would like to say that my boyfriend is very open to using my surname and does not feel that he needs to be given any sort of credit for our children. But I do realize that some men may feel this way, and some men hold tradition very highly. However, Matthew is not one of them, and I am thankful for that.
We will keep in mind the fact that one surname or the other may be dropped occasionally if we do decide to hyphenate.
@stripedsocks - Ditto what I said to augusta_lee. Thank you very much for taking the time to contribute. If we do ever decide to get married, we will both be keeping our respective surnames for personal reasons.
@daisy451 - Thank you for the idea! We hadn't thought of combining our surnames.
@mflannery - thank you so much for the kind words and understanding.
@indianruby - I really like the idea of using one surname as a middle. Thank you!
@whitefeather01 - We will definitely be using the same surname for each of our children. I doesn't really make sense to me to vary it.
@dovah - Thank you for sharing. You bring up a lot of good points, some of which I will be sure to bring up with my boyfriend. It's very strange that your dad wasn't on your birth certificate.
I would like to clarify that our decision to not get married has nothing to do with feminism, though I do appreciate the women with feminist views who contributed to this thread. We are in no way against marriage and believe that every situation is different and every couple has the right to choose for themselves whether or not they want to get married. Our reasons stem from a private family issue that is very important to us, and me especially.
I appreciate and respect every opinion, and we mean no offense to anyone who may have different beliefs than we do.Vanessa
due with first child 08/17/14
caine, calloway, clark, boyd, declan, evander, flynn, graham, heath, ian, innes, jared, kent, kieran, lawrence, lewis, linden, marcus, oscar, rhys, robert, sage, soren, wade
anne, annika, anya, ashelia, astrid, augusta, beatrix, bonnie, catherine, cecily, clara, cordelia, della, eileen, elsa, eulalia, freya, helena, henrietta, india, jane, julia, linnea, liv, louisa, mabel, magnolia, margaret, margot, matilda, melanie, nell, rose, tallulah
August 20th, 2013 02:57 PM #30Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
- London, England
Realising I'm late, but thought I'd give my thoughts too.
When my daughter was born Husband and I were not married, and we gave her his surname. His surname is prettier than mine, and I thought it made sense. We got married a few months later but I'm not taking his name. During the summer I began realising how sad it actually makes me not to share a surname with my child, that might sound pathetic, but it does. So we found a name we thought we'd change both our surnames to (we both have it on our family tree), but over the last few days we've started thinking about simply hyphenating our two surnames. I keep mine, Husband keeps his, and our children have both. We're still not completely sure, but for me that seems like a good way to do it. I know several people with hyphenated surnames and they've never had an issue with it. I voted hers-his, but it could just as well be his-hers, I just had to choose one .My darling Marian Illyria Aphrodite, March 2013 & Little Bunny (a girl!) due 9th of February 2014
August 20th, 2013 04:29 PM #32Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2011
- Midwest USA
I agree that hyphenating may be your easiest choice, though I understand that they can be a small burden on the bearer - though I'd like to think that things are moving toward hyphenated names being much more common. As a teacher, I have had MANY children with hyphenated names, none of which were dropped at any point. *The only exception being if the combined names were particularly long and the end of the final name was dropped from a form, for example I had a student with a name similar to Ellie O'Brien-Oberiorwitz and sometimes, though rarely, the final couple letters would not fit). I do understand that in double last names that are NOT hyphenated, the first name gets dropped, as the final name is considered the 'last' name, but the hyphen should create a one-word stance. Just my opinion as a teacher on that subject. And I would just choose his-hers or hers-his based on sound alone, although I voted hers-his because I had to choose. I also don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be traditional and give a child the father's name, feminist or not.
August 20th, 2013 11:33 PM #34
I say hyphenate. I chose hers-his as a matter of tradition, but really, just go with what sounds best.
I've also heard of people switching the last name back and forth between kids. Kid 1 gets his, kid 2 gets hers, etc.
I agree with augusta_lee. He doesn't get total rights over the kid. It's half yours too, let her or him have both your names!
BTW, my bf and I are planning to get married (because of the benefits of it... and I want a pretty dress) and we're coming up with our own surname. Even if we weren't, I wouldn't take his name. He has said many times he doesn't care if his kids or I had his last name.
Ultimately, everybody's decision is their own, and I'm extremely disappointed with everyone demanding (whether they were "friendly" or not) that you go out and get married. What has worked for them is great, but that doesn't mean it'll work for you, and they should respect that. This has not been my experience with the berries the times I've posted and I'm surprised, and again, disappointed. Good luck in your decision.- current loves -
Harriet - Flora - Violet - Clementine - Matilda - Wilhelmina - Josephine - Cordelia
Milo - Frederick - Dashiell - Gus - Atticus - Felix - Theo - Harrison - Jack