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View Poll Results: Which would you pick?

Voters
52. You may not vote on this poll
  • His

    26 50.00%
  • Hers

    5 9.62%
  • His-Hers

    6 11.54%
  • Hers-His

    15 28.85%
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  1. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    2,355
    I like the idea of His-Hers or Hers-His, especially if the parents aren't planning on getting married. I'd probably go with whichever order sounds better.

    I do know one (married) couple who combined their last names for their child's- so his was Bailey and hers was Anderson and their child's surname was Bailson (not the real names.) I don't recommend that because I would imagine it could be confusing for paperwork, but it's an option that may appeal to you.

  2. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    1,794
    I'd probably just use his with the possibility of using yours in the middle or something. My last name is long so I would never want to hyphenate it, but I also plan on getting married and changing my surname.
    Girls: Lucy, Nora, Ivy, Mae, Willow, Rose, Nessa
    Boys: Felix, Philip, Owen, Flynn, Dexter, Henry, Rory, Finlay

  3. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    4,738
    I'd use hers.

    I don't see any reason to use his if they're not married? They both share DNA. Why does the father "need" to have something as a big gold star for participating? It's okay if he were a sperm-donor but since he's not... he needs "something..."? Does the mother not need anything? Is she bailing? I mean, not using her name would be okay if she were a surrogate, but I think an actively involved mother needs something, the father already has 50% of the child's DNA and societal ass-kissing for any level of care beyond the criminally negligent...?

    If they decide later to get married, he can take her name.

    That's my 2 cents.

  4. #12
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    695
    I realize you're mocking me but FYI mitochondrial mRNA is different from DNA and only comes from the mother, so that attempt wasn't quite successful. I guess whoever feels they need the biggest gold star and societal butt-kiss can give the child their surname. Yes, I say that with sarcasm. And that is why I took my husband's name even when he offered to take mine.

  5. #14
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    2,142
    Quote Originally Posted by iamamiam View Post
    Misogyny? Please. Why should the child automatically get the mother's name over the father's?
    1. As an attempt, however token, to combat a society in which women are pressured and coerced into ceding their own names upon marriage
    2. As a rejection of a patriarchal tradition in which a man's ownership of his children is signaled by stamping his name on their birth certificate
    3. Because the couple is not married
    4. Since women are expected to share their child's surname, this will make life vastly easier for everyone involved.

    Just for starters.

    Quote Originally Posted by iamamiam View Post
    The child already gets the mother's mRNA and the bond that comes along with pregnancy.
    And half of their DNA is their father's. If the father is "actively involved", there should be no problem with bonding. Nurture and nature are the most powerful shaping forces, and they have the potential to work equally in favor of both parents.

    Quote Originally Posted by iamamiam View Post
    And not to mention the upper hand mothers automatically have in most, if not all, states when it comes to child custody, should the relationship go awry.
    ...due to a sexist system in which the woman is expected to bear the brunt of child-rearing, emotionally, physically, and financially. Sexism sucks for men too, you know.

    Quote Originally Posted by iamamiam View Post
    since tradition is to give the father's surname, it seems quite logical to use the father's surname. It's not like we suggested she stay at home with the child all day and give up all her dreams of a career or pursuing other goals.
    Except that the tradition in which a child is given their father's surname is the same tradition in which a woman is expected to give up all her dreams of a career and pursuing other goals. These things are both symptoms of the same illness.

    I would suggest that everyone who would go automatically to vote the child have his surname or her-his surname (knowing full well that the first name in a hyphenated surname is often dropped or ignored) give a long, hard look at their reasons.

    Matilda Sailor or Faye Matilda | Sylvie Winifred or Simon Atlas | Atlas Dov or Alice Violetta | Lucien Wilde or Lucinda Jane | Jane Lucinda or Jack Mariner | Marlowe Charles or Roscoe Thomas | Charles ' Charlie' Wallace or Marigold 'Maggie' Wynn | Eloise Lily or Elliot Darwin | Iris Cordelia or Thea Marina | Jasper Augustus or Juniper 'June' Lovelace | Julian Felix or Judah 'Jude' Reeve

    Just a grad student dreaming ahead...

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